A healthy mind should not have a repetitive destructive thoughts. Having a negative thought affect my concentration that I become unproductive and even end up feeling down.
We all have our own battle and for me my weakness is I am restless and I crave for new adventure, an exploding feeling, new beautiful taste of life – all the time. I have down time like right now and it’s a little frustrating that it’s too slow but I know it’s meaningful, necessary, and a beginning of an amazing launch. I kept craving for the kick of inspiration and creation that I get baffled into inaction if I didn’t get a particular high (just to be clear, I don’t do prohibited drugs, never tried, and probably never will :P the “probably” is dangerous huh).
Every once in a while, I have the mad desire to wait for a man’s call and to beg me to give him my devotion and the worst is to go looking for his personal photos just for the sake of checking what’s going on in his personal and professional life. I also inclined to go back to memories both sweet and bitter and they elicit all forms of emotions mostly negative ones that I shouldn’t be entertaining.
Yesterday, I am starting to be at peace that it’s over, I am recovering, and keeping strong. I have accepted that there will no more communication and I am moving forward. I have forgiven myself and him for the painful memories that we have caused to one another.
To keep me in perspective, here are the helpful actions that I am engaged:
- I love to read but I should stick to reading new materials or else I am just tracing the same loop of going back to something that has already been done. Be kind to myself and read new materials that would be a sure source of new ideas and inspiration.
- Mundane task that needs to be done like doing the laundry, making the call, sending the official email, were all small stuffs that don’t need to get pushed to another day if it’s possible to be done now. The mini milestone of accomplishing an errand is so rewarding and it frees a good space in the head, NO actually it’s a good excuse to not think of negative thoughts.
- What is my worry? I need to get a job. Apply for jobs. It is that simple. It is scary trusting a new company again but forget about “scary” and just present myself, take it or leave it, but if you take it, you’re in for a serious employee kicking ass as a soon-to-be main player in your company’s progress. I am a bonafide passionate that consider more than myself, just don’t lie to me.
- Create! I am disciplining myself that I have to blog everyday, not to come up with a reserved blog for tomorrow but blog what is burning inside me right now, today. I also need to commit in finishing the first eBook that I have started, it sounds awkward right now, I don’t know why, is it my angst or am I just critical? I just have to write like I write every blog post that gives me that contentment with one approving nod. I also cook different dishes and punish my sissy to eat half of it. :D
- Connect and go out. I love the moments of laughters with other people. I love going to the beach in the weekend. I like going to petrol station and have my car washed once a week. I simply like the outdoor where I get to breathe fresh air. Air conditioned apartment is all good but my lungs request for freshness and confining myself for a whole week makes me mad! Not angry, CRAZY!