Yor Ryeter

[1: 992 of 10,000] Crazy Blues

In Journal on April 16, 2013 at 12:00 AM

Blue RoseI don’t know if it is just my romance for words but I am moved by it especially if spoken by the people I love and care and who I believe that I respect and get inspiration from. Important words impact my choice and direction in life.

During my crazy blues when I wanted to run and hide, I secretly wish I wanted to die. I thought if I die I don’t need to feel awful, depressed, and face the reality of my certain sense of failure (which honestly doesn’t mean so much but just the best time for me to try again in a certain way that will work this time).

Now, thinking about my sisters that I love so dearly, there was one day that the youngest meaningfully said, “If you get married, can you not forget about me…” I know she’s 26, I know I will not get married until the next 3 more years but at that moment when I thought I don’t have any responsibility and could just leave at any time, I was moved that I am needed. Of course I couldn’t tolerate my sister to be taken cared of, she is of legal age and she should be able to stand on her own but at that instance I was forced to abandon dying now or the negative thought of dying when it is clearly not yet my time.

Today, whenever I face a problem, I face it. I have a dream in my head that I will be here to give support for my sister who needed me to be present. I am here so she won’t be afraid to make her dreams come true. Because if you don’t know my sister, she is always quiet, tough, but at that particular vulnerable time, she said she needed me which she never blurts out and I heard her heart… my heart heard her heart.

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