Yor Ryeter

[1: 1,058 of 10,000] I Need Pain To Feel

In Journal on June 21, 2013 at 11:51 PM

My current blog posts are quite disturbing and honest. I apologize if these get a bit of eerie…

I wanted to feel pain to know that I can still feel something.

Did I just jump out of my grieving too soon that I didn’t really admit I needed a break? Am I losing my cool? Every time I am losing a loved one, I just continue to keep working, and don’t really dwell on things. I keep running into shallow professional reality and disregard my broken heart.

I always say I am clumsy and the universe probably heard it quite loud… right now my hands are literally filled with scratches. I get physically wounded, blood coming out, or I sleep in a very awkward position then I end up being in pain. A portion of me welcomes the pain, I like the pain, because at those moments I could feel something uncomfortable and yet I long for it… it makes me believe I am alive.

Am I really a masochist in the making?



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