Yor Ryeter

[1: 1,196 of 10,000] Recovery Takes Time

In Article on November 2, 2013 at 8:00 AM

I am still struggling because I still find my boss damn attractive. Allow me to dissect my addiction, I call it addiction because this feeling often hurt me and yet I let it linger into my head and my whole being.

Why am I falling in love with him?

  1. I am brainwashed. He asked me to call him Mr. Gorgeous and I occasionally calls him just that because he is.
  2. I am fascinated with leader, strong personality and someone that I cannot get (he has a fiancee).
  3. We teased one another, I don’t want to believe it’s flirting but it does fall to that.
  4. I can affect him. I can make him portray the saddest eyes. The only person who can make someone the saddest is the person who you love or maybe care in my case.
  5. He strives to make me smile being at the point of acting silly.
  6. He is physically strong. He’s like a real man.
  7. He tells me everything, even at the point that it is quite too much.
  8. He trusts me, most of the time anyway!! He also listens to me and he liked to please me. He tries his best to meet my expectations.
  9. Most of my waking time, it revolves around him.
  10. He calls me his better half, proposed that I marry him, and he thinks that he is the only man in my life.
  11. He insists to be part of my life, wanting to be my sisters and my Godfather, he wants me to call him Papa, and he wanted to adopt me at some point.
  12. He said he loves me and imitates my quirks.

Why I should not love him?

  1. He has a fiancee.
  2. He is a playboy and I am often jealous when he gives so much attention with other ladies.
  3. He uses people and as a bitter taste of his own medicine he has problem trusting people.
  4. He is 99% negative. He cannot see the optimism of things.
  5. He count everything that he gives to someone. He is not genuinely generous.
  6. He has angry management problem although I am not scared of him. He also tries his best to improve because he knew I didn’t like it when he’s mad all the time with so many people. Picking a fight just to prove that he’s the mightiest.
  7. He’s not very smart.
  8. He called me too good to be true. He insults me in front of other people and could swear in front of my face. He called me lazy in front of colleagues.
  9. He is insensitive of people’s feeling because he doesn’t understood them.
  10. He is not wealthy enough and if he has the chance to be married with a rich woman, he’ll do that.
  11. He doesn’t really love me, it has always been my wild imagination.
  12. He smokes.

He is not perfect but I see his great qualities. I know I cannot change him but my presence make him change a bit to be better; and that warms my heart. I also suspect that the loosen screws in my head believe that he’s a project I love to fix and take care because he acts like a real big baby.

Weighing things I am in a deep black hole. I am trying to recover. I am trying to busy myself with great things, although occasionally I think of him so much and wanted his attention. I want his cozy hugs. I am drifting to oblivion again…

Adele’s Tired inspires me to stop my nonsense –

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