How many chances do you give to another person? I know God was way too gracious that He has given me million of chances to be forgiven, so do I have to do the same to someone?
My opinion is people has to live to grow better for as long as they live. I have a former boss and I felt like I am no longer learning from him and that I have given all I have that the only way for me to move forward in my personal life is to move myself out of his company. I told him that he needs to be more inspiring and do good because I honestly couldn’t find a good reason to go back and yet he pursues until now that I should work for him again. I couldn’t blame him, he has seen me dedicated with my work and love the company as my own; I even felt like I cared for the company more than he did, which eventually pushed me to leave it once and for all, as I no longer rave for my leader.
He said he has changed and I could tell him what do I want him to do to prove it just so that I will go back. I wasn’t sure he has changed for the better. I wasn’t sure it is even right that I ask him to prove anything at this point. He did ask that why don’t I try again and see for myself and yet just the thought of going back to the company bring back the stress and hurt. I am scared to repeat everything and yet the hopeful part of my mind is challenging me to be more courageous, that I should be better than that, to give him a chance that I believe he has changed.
I like to comfort myself that he is capable of managing the company without me. Of course he can do it even if he does believed we built it together. He was saying I left the child that couldn’t even walk on its own and I really believed that if I don’t leave, that brain child company would ceased to live, because it will lose its father; yeah he was the father and I was the mother and we have a child that needed love, love that should essentially come not from a dispensable mother but from its own everlasting owner and father.
When the trust got lost along the way and there was cheating involved, I do question a person’s integrity. I know people change, I know that I forgive him, but can a business relationship really start once again from a clean slate? I know that I am not going to last in that company as I have a different track to pursue, so I do not see the point of going back? I am hesitant even if I think I will be doing him a favour to boost his confidence that someone like me who he looks up for validation believed him. He lies a lot to so many people, in different occasions just to get what he wants, I couldn’t take my mind off that this isn’t one of them.
How do you test a man if he doesn’t lie anymore? Is it worth it for me at this point? I am not his guardian angel. He’s a grown man and he should be well aware to distinguish what’s bad from what’s the right thing to do even if it’s difficult. Is this really one of my purpose on this earth, to support him? Do I need to be kind knowing that he needed me more than I need him right now?
I am torn because as much as I don’t want to admit I love him and the company.