It feels like my world reached the dead end and as much as I did cry and shamelessly did a little bit of self-loathing, I couldn’t bring myself to give up. I just couldn’t agree that my life ends this way. It’s nothing dramatic like I am dying but I start to question my real worth to be still occupying a space in this world.
I have never been so vulnerable. Trying things I could never imagine to claim a little bit of happiness. I am trying my best to live a thoughtful life. I am praying that I hear God’s guidance. I couldn’t hear Him and I am not going to stop to getting up everyday and do what I know could make a difference.
I couldn’t understand why can’t I stop chasing my own tail? Why a step forward leads to so many wrong turns? Where am I headed? I know it’s going to be good and it is just so difficult to have no control of things. I am learning everyday, may be right now, all I am supposed to be is a student of trusting the unknown.