My mother was right that I should stay away from a man who I don’t want to fall in love with. I’ve been doing that all my life, I kept running away and disassociating myself from people who I know in my heart that I don’t want to be ending up with.
I was obsessing for a wrong man awhile back, I am fascinated about his strong suits and weaknesses. I am not even the woman who thinks I can change him, I know I wouldn’t and I don’t care that I should because he’s not the man who I want to marry; and yet I couldn’t stop fantasising about him. Then the bond got broken in an instant, and I no longer see him nor talk to him, it’s been 4 months since his last SMS to me with “Damn you!” At that instant, I said to myself that the end has been reached. If you’re curious, I’ve deleted the message, it no longer have a space in my life. I don’t need negativity lurking around.
It was a painful end but it has to be that way to simply cut the relationship that is not fruitful for everyone involved. I am at peace, and everything that I thought was connected to him a few months back are simply fading away naturally. It is freeing to let go of things that is too heavy to carry around.
Right now, I am starting all over with my relationship and I am making sure I don’t fall in my own trap again. Don’t cross the line that I will later amend. Focus on the good stuffs like creating beautiful things out of my talents. Make a change in the world by starting with a good intention. Then as Elizabeth Gilbert famously share with everyone, onward.
I am intentionally learning to fall in love with myself. I care for it like no one else will, well except God who can’t be matched by any man. I shall care for myself until I could recognise the man who sees my inner and outer beauty; but until then I am enjoying myself. No pressure there.