Yor Ryeter

[1: 1,680 of 10,000] Change Is Inevitable

In Journal on February 2, 2016 at 1:20 AM

Healthy Woman

Change is inevitable but my attitude towards every circumstance will determine whether my changes will help me grow better, learn, or discover something worthwhile not just for me but to share with everyone.

I think I may have discovered that I am susceptible to a new food allergy? I gave blood for testing yesterday and I’ll find out the real reason soon. It is scary, sad, and inconvenient to find out that I may never be one of those people to confidently answer with “no allergies” whenever I dine outside. I may however see this as an opportunity to share new information.

My lifestyle is erratic! I don’t have a good sleeping pattern (no consistent bed time so my biological clock is screwed or confused), I don’t eat healthy food (meaning I still put processed food in the mix), I am stressed at work (believing I can do it alone), I overthink everything, I feel guilty of old actions; therefore I simply have to recalibrate my thinking, actions, and I’ll be eventually fine.

I am taking my BLESSINGS for granted, I forgot I am a human being with different components and different needs that need to be attended to. The body is so complex that when a part is starting to go busted then it’s a big wake up call. I am still closely watching that a certain ingredient in a ready-made pesto was the culprit for my triggered allergy; but which one, I guess my mind! My face is all itchy, swollen, and ugly but I still manage to smile to counteract the negative reactions.

I have been taking various medicines because different illnesses are nagging my body. I began with coughing and then now allergy with only symptons visible all over my face! Yay, this calls for a reboot. Before all the physical illnesses emerge, I was developing an allergy for life (emotional) as I was beginning to lose my worth that I can contribute to the world (I am still unhappy despite having an extremely challenging works before me), I couldn’t answer my purpose or reason to keep living, and most of all I don’t feel needed by anyone since I’m learning about independence or non-attachment. There is something in here that I need to figure out but I know in my heart and soul that I couldn’t just give up, I thought of it would be better to die, but I am not willing to take my own life and yet if I keep my pace on this track then there is no other way but to slowly kill myself.

The instant remedy that I am doing is feeding my soul with positive words. I am reading books that speak directly to my soul, comfort my heart, and letting me believe about magic. I am also forgiving myself and others who have wrong me; and still hope that nothing is personal. Finally, I hope to enroll to gym class this month to keep me in healthy physical shape.

Note to self: Don’t run away, have courage, and be kind not just to others but most especially to myself.

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