Am I turning into the man I was drawn to a few years back? A man full of frustration, anger, and the exuberant desire to murder people. I have a hint in me that my light will shine upon him and that I could give him a taste of what being good be like. One year after we parted due to disagreement, I find myself turning into him. Is this a curse of my own doing?
I have a demeaning thoughts and a clouding darkness that is starting to infiltrate me. I know that I am supposed to be made of love but it is so hard to unveil it when my life is mostly focused on work and my job place is filled with politics, the biggest ego there is, and I am just fed up that there is more negativity that positive auras. I feel so sad that my relatives are reaching out for my help and I don’t know how to help them to better their lives, oh dear why did they even bring children in this world and couldn’t be responsible to take care of them with a comfortable life. Then there are the people who are supposed to treat me with good customer service but quite idiotic not to pay attention and give unreliable answers. I am so mad!
I just came from vacation but something is bothering me. I am unhappy. Something is blocking my connection to love and although I wanted to cry, there is not even a single drop of tear that falls. I felt like a stone, living but without feeling. Or I do have a feeling, a dark one?
This has to stop, I don’t know how, but I’ll figure it out. It is time to write good dreams, I even forget how to write good dreams or imagining. I used to have vivid and wild imaginations, I could make up story on the fly, but now my interest and intellect have changed that I don’t want creating anything silly. I am too embarrassed to make mistake and make a fool of myself; simply because I expect more than that.
I just don’t like bullshit anymore. In this world, it seemed to be too hard to ask.