I am not worried that I couldn’t feel anything right now; I mean I felt like I have a heart of stone that I no longer find a reason to wake up every single morning that I truly believe or raving to live for. It’s impossible that I lost the ability to love because I’m sure I am made of it; but I have built such a strong wall blocking the intensity of my love to be shared and received. I have made the perfect shell to protect me from any emotions or dramas.
I am doing some things right but I am probably not in the right place else I wouldn’t feel very empty. My best friend was stressed about something at work that made me share where I am in right now, which is being still yet with occasional freaking out when I think about the million things to do at work. She suggested that I should get a pet; I told her I couldn’t handle that responsibility.
Am I just too critical waiting for the movie climax? It’s not going to happen but the more I get myself to finish things, I get a glimpse of that sense of accomplishments that I am leading towards where I want to go. I am very observant right now on what makes me cry or laugh; and then in those moments of stubborn gladness, I feel truly alive. But, of all these, I am always grateful to God. Maybe, I am in the moment of hibernating; which is a part of my growth and it is beautiful even if I am never been this oddly confused.