Yor Ryeter

Archive for 2018|Yearly archive page

[1: 1,959 of 10,000] Loving Even The Imperfection

In Journal on December 5, 2018 at 8:20 PM

I have a new appreciation for not living aiming for perfection and efficiency inspired by the podcast of Rob Bell, The RobCast, Episode 220. I always have the desire to achieve the best works, which means it has the ingredients of being perfect from conceptualization, development, and completion. I do pressure myself of always pursuing perfection.

Yet what I heard/grasp from the sermon (digitally delivered) is imperfection is as beautiful as the perfect one because it was meant to happened that way. It makes more sense when I add it with what I’ve always believed, “everything happens for a reason and nothing is ever wasted,” and this includes all the problems that are often hard and ugly including the memories that I have the habit of escaping and intentionally forgetting to avoid reliving the pain.

Everything is interconnected and one incident leads to another. Nothing is ever a mistake but a wall leads to a detour, another adventure, or to prove to oneself how much something is wanted that I’ll exert all strength that I have to break the wall. It helps that I often lean to optimism when talking about disheartening situations, but now with the new found appreciation, I found a kind of peace and surrender of what is.

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[1: 1,958 of 10,000] Patience Vs. Instant Gratification

In Journal on November 30, 2018 at 10:51 AM

I remember when I was a teenager, I thought life is so hard that I am willing to die and make a deal with the devil to make sure I feel better. I try to recollect what were my disappointments before and what pops up is I don’t feel pretty enough and I am not smart enough to be on top of our class.

Now that I’ve experienced the peace when I am truly connected to God, I wondered why would I ever believe the devil will be able to provide what I seemed to feel that I am missing in my life… and it daunts on me that my humanity is looking for instant gratification.

I am beginning to appreciate the advantage of PATIENCE because it is one of the perfect qualities of God. Do not worry about the past and the future but I am to do my best right now. It takes seasons for a flower to bloom and flourish. What I am now is because I’ve endured different experiences and if I was bold enough to learn then I am stronger today.

Being bad and rebelious is not about leaning to the wrong side, if I silent my human weaknesses and lean on the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, my burdens are light and my day is meaningful. I have to practice that muscle and never again will I give in to complacency and rush of getting material accolade instantly. I will enjoy the process, the journey, and celebrate the fruition that culminates an end… and then be brave to begin again.

[1: 1,957 of 10,000] Oh The Confident To Live Long

In Journal on November 23, 2018 at 12:15 PM

My dad died at 49 and my mom died at 58 because of unhealthy living. At 38 I do think about my mortality, I do wonder where will my remains be buried especially that I am not yet rooted in any country. How will I die without causing any distress or inconvenience to my sisters who will be the point person for my body?

Leaving the thought of morbidity aside, I have the desire to live my life without thinking about the future too much. I don’t always have the fascination to make plans that I’ll follow through and there’s that downside that I end up clueless about where will I go then? I am more concerned that I am enjoying my life now. I have the courage to try extreme sports like skydiving because what is life without excitement.

Oh, the confident whenever I go to bed at night thinking I’d wake up with a sunlight the next day. Oh, the confidence that I have many more chances to take a route different from yesterday.

[1: 1,956 of 10,000] It Wasn’t Just Me

In Journal on November 20, 2018 at 7:26 PM

For months I was stalling very important works only for all those tasks to catch up on me when the event was about to happen. I was so nervous! I let my emotion as my benchmark whether to show up to my responsibility, it wasn’t like me at all. My made up dissatisfaction and feeling uninspired crept me up so much that it froze me to do what I need to do in my job. So days before the event, I was working like crazy, 24 hours wasn’t enough, and so my last resort was to call my Hail Mary.

I prayed to God that the event will run smoothly. Whatever great things will be in His glory, and whatever screw up are my lessons to learn. After all the worries for how many months, the event was finally over and it was a success in the eyes of those who are not part of the organizing committee. I have received praises and I couldn’t take full credit for them because I know in my heart that it wasn’t just me, I have magical help to vanish my worries.

Are you worried about something right now? Pray. God listens to us and whatever fear we have He’ll help us through it if we let Him. When we walk with love instead of fear, we triumph.

[1: 1,955 of 10,000] What Mask Do You Wear?

In Question on October 14, 2018 at 12:30 AM

Venetian Masks

What mask do you wear to feel accepted, comforted, and secured? I’ll tell you a secret, you don’t need to hide from a mask, you’re one of a kind, a superstar, you just have to let yourself shine. The ranks, the social classifications, the judgments coming from prejudice are not important, recognize that.

What will you sacrifice to protect your mask? I’ll tell you a secret, you have to find out what’s most important that you can do and then choose the sacrifice that matters.

Is it worth protecting? I’ll tell you a secret, what’s worth protecting is having every opportunity to love yourself and when you do you will have no choice but to love others.

Have you reached your deepest desire? I’ll tell you a secret, keep all the noises down, and listen to what’s important and don’t be afraid to find the answer and go live it.

Have you recognized love, connection to God, and living doing what you’re meant to do? I’ll tell you a secret, it’s always been in you, you’ve only forgotten it, and allowed to abide a clouded fear.

Are you ready to take off your mask? I’ll tell you a secret, choose love over fear. Your inner compass knows what’s right, whatever is stopping you do what is right is rooted from fear, now dissolve that fear and choose love.

Are you ready to overcome feeling embarrassed? I’ll tell you a secret, whatever it is that you think is awful got only worst when you create scenes that never happened. You will only feel embarrassed if you’ve given up but why will you give up when you are given every bit of chance every time you wake up in the morning to live without fear.

Image source: Venetian Masks IV by maluviam d3h0lie

[1: 1,954 of 10,000] What Do You Desire?

In Poem on October 6, 2018 at 9:45 PM

 

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I have tasted poverty
I have felt glory
Yet there are in between
I felt indifference
Neither happy nor sad

I got to feel again
Find the fire in my soul
Let it blasts into an explosion
Make me feel human
Make me feel divine

Open my heart
Find out where it beats
What do I desire
For my desire
Lead to why my soul exists

Photo source: Banksy’s Instagram Post – The Banksy artwork got shredded right before everyone’s eyes after it was auctioned for 1 Million Pound.

[1: 1,953 of 10,000] Living A Decade In Dubai

In Journal on September 23, 2018 at 6:23 PM

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2001 was my first attempt of living in Dubai that only lasted for 6 months. I left when my body was literally bursting skin allergy due to stress caused by my sales job, constantly outdoor, and a part of it is introducing condoms to hypermarkets and hotel shops. Then in 2008, I came back, and I never thought I would ever step in this country again after my not so endearing first-time experience, but 10 years later I’m still here and not in a hurry to leave because I like my job being in the healthcare industry.

Here are the 10 things that a decade of living in Dubai has made me experience:

  1. In my early days, there is a different impression towards women, like men entice women to get into their car that sort of uneasy feeling. I do hope that’s not the case now, I don’t experience it anymore, maybe because I now lived in a better neighborhood or it completely stopped.
  2. I am grateful that I am in a pretty awesome apartment and a quiet neighborhood where there is a proper and charming boardwalk that I can use for jogging.
  3. The feeling of security that I will never be robbed in broad daylight or even if you accidentally left your house open overnight. My sister forgot her mobile phone from mall shops several times, and we always get it back.
  4. I have experienced working in a company that didn’t pay salary on time. I’ve heard from employees today that they don’t get paid on time even if they try to resolve it through the labor office. It’s not fair that companies do this especially that expat are here to work to support their loved ones back home. I also don’t like it that some companies pay a meager salary, taking advantage to people who were trying their best to stay in the country before their visa expires. After 4 companies, my 5th was when I knew what I am looking for and I knew exactly what I was demanding. Great companies exist.
  5. I love it that Dubai always offers something shiny and new to residents and tourists.  It may be a city that has malls open until midnight or even at 2am during Ramadan, but it still sleeps. There are moments that I am still wide awake at 3am and I watch the quiet street and the thought that most people are in their dreams at those moments, that’s absolutely giving me comfort, to be a witness of the subtle energy. It’s one of the reasons I like living in the city, it is alive by day and sleeps at night.
  6. If you have the money, you can enter anywhere. There are probably very exclusive places but most of the time, when you have the cash, then you’ll be able to experience luxury. I like the fact that it doesn’t discriminate. This is also the reason why I am always tempted to spent instead of learning to save.
  7. Having a residence visa in UAE allowed me to easily secure other visas to visit other countries. I felt that it’s easier to travel abroad and it’s such a wonderful feeling that I can be anywhere I fancy.
  8. The weather usually is hot or hotter (42-degree Celsius) but during winter time (14-degree Celcius) it is possible to enjoy alfresco dining and makes you want sun again. Despite the country being too hot, all establishments are equipped with airconditioning unit including the little grocery nestled within communities.
  9. You don’t see beggars or homeless scattered anywhere. I’ve been to Australia and France, and it shocked me to see people living in the streets, they also scare me a little that I try to avoid them and avoided eye contact.
  10. The Emiratis that I’ve encountered are very humble and welcoming to foreigners. It makes me feel at home. Last June, I went back to the Philippines for 12 days (after 6 years of not visiting), and I felt more at home to come back to Dubai. So right now, Dubai is my home.

[1: 1,952 of 10,000] What’s My Story To Tell?

In Journal on September 22, 2018 at 10:39 AM

I have moved through life for 38 years, and I could recognize the phases:

Young me was playful. It was the 80s, and I adore running outside, playing ball with the neighborhood, riding a bike and even hit by a bike by my childhood crush (entirely my fault, I thought I was invisible), and going out to a resort for a summer swim.

Teenage me was grumpy. Some even assumed am a tomboy with my baseball cap backward and not into prim and proper. I am not a lesbian, I totally shut down when a lesbian showed interest in me, I ran away. I also ran away when men court me, and I don’t like them, I freak out and stop all connection. My mother taught me that when I don’t like someone, keep wide proximity, and so I did. This was the best year though that I wanted to be alone and just write my own version of novels where my schoolmates lined up to read. I love my imagination at this time.

The collegiate me was all about getting into a good university and scoring high grades to be in the dean’s list. I love the library, I remembered the first time I tried to use the Internet from a PC, and I didn’t have a clue navigating the Yahoo! site. I still have my Yahoo! email. I got what I’ve dreamed of, being part of the literary group and was the Editor-In-Chief of the college yearbook and surprised the school President that I can produce it, she lost fate that it’ll be out that she didn’t even bother to write us a message, one dean gave us a recycled message from last year. It was a tragic history of yearbooks that are not produced all because the students didn’t meet up the expectation and took the privilege of being given the free range, I loved it and was up to accomplish a project. It was so humble though that when we were distributing, the school president went there to ask for a copy, I was planning to give her one, but I got to serve my customer first, the students who paid.

I grew up with entrepreneur parents but I saw them struggled in their businesses that I said I’ll be an employee so I won’t be thinking about the whole company, so I did apply for a job and landed one two months after graduating from college. It was fascinating to go to work, I was nervous, shy, and found out if I was absent from work I’ll have a salary deduction, the adult consequence of not showing up huh! I was lucky to join an IT company that launched some firsts in the Philippines, I was surrounded by smart young people like me. My dearest adult friends today I met at my first work company.

My father died in 2002 of a heart attack at 49 years old. My mother passed away due to cancer in 2012 at 58 years old. These deaths of my parents make me long for parents that I will never have. My signature demonstrates that I am hung up with the past, so I have to create a new story. My parents were not on good terms during the latter part of their lives, from being the Romeo & Juliet that defy all odds to they’re are tired of one another.

Fast forward to today, 17 years as an employee and one time having attempted at managing a business with my uncle financing it that failed, I am in an entirely new headspace. I like pretty things and ladylike, no more baseball cap but sun hats. I am in constant search for meaning to make my life worthy and not just existing. I have published an eBook on Amazon, and I am challenging myself to release some more. I’m still not married, but I’m entertaining the idea including becoming a mother. I know that being a parent is not easy, but I also believe that I was never 100% ready of anything, I needed people and I needed a load of help from God.

If there’s one thing I will never indulge now, I will not fall for self-pity, and I will be mindful of recognizing silly things that will distract me. I have to write down my dreams, my goals, my plans, and take the necessary step to make it happen; after giving all my best and knowing my intentions are in check, that I would be willing to surrender the result to God. Most of all, I am in my journey to see everyone as equal, I have built my own biases over the years, and I am on the work of shattering them. All in all, I am grateful with my current life, I am very contented and happy; contented not in the sense that I am not going to improve anymore but the mere fact that I can appreciate what is right now.

You’ve reached all the way here, thanks for reading my short story, so how about you, what is your story to tell?

[1: 1,951 of 10,000] The 70th Emmy Introduced Hannah Gadsby To Me

In Article on September 20, 2018 at 11:46 PM

I didn’t know Hannah Gadsby until I’ve seen the 70th Primetime Emmy Awards when she presented the Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series. It was an under 2 minutes exposure and yet she caught my interest.

There is something about her, I didn’t really like the hosts for the Emmy this year, I thought it wasn’t funny and engaging enough, and then Hannah came out and she was fresh and I am intrigued. I think she’s cute, I love her curves, her delivery and what she smartly delivered. I felt her independence and confidence.

I search more about her until it leads me to watch her Netflix special called Nanette. She is very witty, she was making me laugh, but in between bits there are vulnerable revelations, and by the latter part of the special I was sobbing. I was feeling her pain and I don’t like it that she was overpowered and violated by men.
Hanna Gadsby
She was beaten in public and no one helped her. It was the first thing that shook me. I vow that when I see something wrong in my proximity, I will speak up and act. It’s not right to not protect somebody. Oh God, bless her. Thank you Hannah for your bravery to speak up and share your story. Thank you for showing your anger and inviting us to face the reality.

Unless everybody is fine, no one is fine but this is hard to accomplish over night. I’ll do what I can control, I will better myself to give me comfort that I am making use of my life, and I will always recognize my worth and that no one can intimidate me.

I have been inappropriately touch (swiftly their hands ran my booty) by strangers in a crowd twice in the past and I know that it those moments, I wasn’t fighting back. I let it go to not cause a scene, and now I wonder, should I searched for the predator so they will stop their malicious actions? The last time, it even happened inside a church, and I remembered feeling flustered and wants to burst out to cry. Men are physically stronger than women, that’s the advantage that they have and that makes it easier to take advantage of the weaker ones. I pray that may we use our strengths for goodness.

[1: 1,950 of 10,000] Do You Dream of World Peace?

In Journal on September 19, 2018 at 6:00 AM

Are you dreaming of world peace? If yes, the best way to act and contribute to it is to have peace within yourself and be the peace for the ones that surround you and for whose lives you interact and touch.

Whatever you think you wish for the biggest crowd, always go back to the source, be that. I believe when we trust to be the best that we can be, we can create a movement in our circle that grows bigger and wider.

If you wish for receiving love, give love. If you wish for receiving forgiveness, give forgiveness. If you wish for receiving grace, give grace. If you wish for receiving success, serve. If you wish to complete a task, give the time and best effort.

May we wish for something nice and may we gain wisdom and have the courage to give what we wish for somebody else.