Yor Ryeter

[1: 2,055 of 10,000] Doubt Creeps In

In Journal on March 9, 2021 at 7:31 PM

I stumble without my plan because it feels like living through life without proper check points before reaching my destination. I see the shadow side of plans and that’s stronghold control. I was surprised that there’s something more scarier to that though. When I start building this anxiety listening to my pouring doubts and fears that I’m too rigid of my plan then am not allowing my muse to glide through. For two nights, I fight back sleep, overthinking, going through the plan one more time and see how can I loosen it. I wanted to stay awake and figure out a solution, do I need to come up with a new one?

Oh I was also told that I’m too much in my head and I’m falling into my own trap again. Circling to my obsession and grip of a future that depends on the choices that I make in the present moment. I’ve been advised to see things in a different perspective because I have all the ingredients but I question am I supposed to cook something different, which I have no solid idea how can I make that happen. In my chaotic mind, there’s one thing I’m avoiding though, to sit in stillness to consult my Inner Knowing and ask, “What do I want?”

I process, I prayed, because the direction of my life will only need to come from my authentic voice. My mind is bleeding because it’s not connecting to my intuition, to what I feel, and then the firework sparks and it kept cracking. I got it.

I have to follow my bliss. It’s not about changing the plan, it’s about surrendering my grip and obsession of the journey and the outcome. Right now, I have to accept that I’m good wherever way it lands. A message nudging me that I’ll never make the wrong choice because I have one consistent vision, it’s the paths to get there that have different flavors. The vision wasn’t flawed, my attitude to not allowing play to interrupt that plan that’s raising an issue. I’ve always been all right so why would I be afraid to take a risk this time if I’ll be doing what my Soul came here in this lifetime to do. With that, I’m at peace and my train keeps moving forward.

Photo credit: Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

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