In List on December 12, 2015 at 8:37 AM
I am contemplating about the word legacy. It sounds perfect and marvelous but in a way, it also denotes that I am more after to the future that I would leave behind. So my current goal is not really leaving a legacy but “to live each day that I would leave the world better than I found it.” It sounded more present and conscious as daily guiding compass.
How do I do that?
- Laugh and smile sincerely.
- Accomplish task/s with love.
- Connect with my loved ones.
- Be grateful for my life.
- Help someone.
- Learn, live it, and share.
- Hope for the best.
- Solve a problem. One at a time.
- Stay positive, optimistic, and kind.
In Journal on December 12, 2015 at 7:55 AM
I am changing, for the better?, well I hope so.
I know that I am slowly changing that the thing I care about before doesn’t even come close to my priorities right now.
I could see the inflated ego of the people around me and this time around I don’t fight them but on the other hand, I still have that habit of thinking to run away. I could not run away forever whenever I feel like I am not in the right circle of people that builds me up, I need to go deeper and tap into my calmness so the people around me get influenced by my steady demeanor instead of instantly reacting into a fight mode.
I know that I am also a contributor of this negative circumstances because of my negative thoughts the previous days. I was reaping my fears and I should really do an internal clean up before it is too late that there are more to sort out.
I don’t really understand how am I going to live my life. I am still at the edge of adventure but it’s not comfortable, I feel lost, and I am scared. I have been living my life alone and now all I can confide with are my books, my journal, and my solitude prayers.
Is it time for therapy? Or just time to face my fears and do the work? It’s always been the latter.
In Journal on December 8, 2015 at 10:28 PM
I am trying to be a rock star at work and I am enjoying life with the thought that it’s the Christmas month, it’s such a wonderful time, and there couldn’t possibly anything that will go wrong if I am pouring love on all the works that I do.
It couldn’t be that difficult to find things to be joyful for. A round table filled with people I hold dear and admire. I am immensely grateful for the laughters I muster. I am crazily ecstatic that I have the chance to experience different adventures with a heart filled with so much love, hopes, and dreams that are coming true.
Yay Christmas, I am loving you. 🙂
In Journal on December 8, 2015 at 10:01 PM
I will never give up!
I was so blue for so many days that today I have a wake up call, I received a Dubai Police SMS, it said that I have yet another traffic fine for speeding. My violation was I was driving more than 20 to 30 kph on a road that I was expected to carefully drive by 60 kph max (I think). Oh if it’s not very subtle, I got the same text 4 times, like I wasn’t alarmed the first time. I even have this ridiculous fear that it’s AED 610 times 4. I am going to have a heart attack for paying AED 2,440 when I am trying to save money, supposedly for the holidays.
I show up!
I have so many fears but I am putting my brave face, I am so faking it until I make it, I perk up with smile, I am sleeping at my bed, I am sleeping every night, I keep praying, I am reading again, and I am forcing to see the blessings that I continue to receive. I show up to life. I felt happy too when I received a message that God sent me trials to mold my character into something beautiful. I can do this. I will continue to hope. I will accomplish great things that truly serve.
I am special.
In Journal on December 7, 2015 at 6:53 AM
I am thirsty. I long for a quench. I am searching for meaning on why am I here exactly. My ego is searching for acknowledgment and yet I couldn’t even pin point from whom do I really want the praise.
Everything seems so trivial right now. I don’t necessarily understand the culture where I am in. I receive mix messages and I am confused. The joy that I long is slowly slipping but I am hoping so hard that I could keep my head above of a rushing stream.
How long do I need to endure this black hole feeling? I feel an emptiness and a great sense of being so lost! Am I starting to get depressed? Am I in a brick of a breakdown knowing that I am overwhelmed with different emotions and responsibilities on my shoulders that are increasingly heavier on my puny understanding?
Am I witnessing my transition for my next path, my next journey?
In Question on December 4, 2015 at 12:27 PM
I’ve heard about famous people speak about “we are where we are supposed to be” and that’s like saying “I am never in the wrong place.”
I am usually an optimistic gal but I like to focus on this line – I am never in the wrong place, even if something horrible happened, it meant something. I don’t know if this is followed by the statement, “but my attitude and reaction in every situation is my own responsibility.” Now if that is how it is supposed to be then I will see the insight of a beautiful reality.
Is life even real when a lot of people hide behind their fears? I am too gullible sometimes that I wanted to believe and take the face value of what people say in front of me; but it is not always the case, I have to gauge which one is the truth but in all circumstance I will never know and somehow it is no longer my business.
And yet if it is not my business, where do I find the connection with other soul? Did I really exist to manage my own and hopefully my thoughts and actions if inspiring will create a ripple that changes them to be truthful? I tell the truth because I am not afraid of the consequence. The pain of lying kills me more than bearing the consequences of the truth.
Or yes it is not my business because I am supposed to move on to do what is joyful in my life. If the people around me is comfortable hiding behind their fears and would rather demonstrate a false reality of themselves, it is not my business or more specifically my responsibility to change them.
I have accepted that fact that a man who wants to change must do it himself and as for me as long as I can to live responsibly. And here’s the ephiphany, as long as I am alive and if I find myself in a situation that doesn’t make me feel comfortable… I have a choice to leave and change it.
A bad story doesn’t need to go on forever, if the lesson it bring is then learned, it can be overruled.
In Journal on November 28, 2015 at 11:05 PM
This is my laptop’s wallpaper –
I am not just craving for a vacation, I want that house by the beach, I want to fill the cabinets with my favourite books, and to wake up so grateful and get on writing novels or basically having the life of Elizabeth Gilbert.
It would be nice to have a gentleman beside me that I could kiss and love and could give me a hug and more. It would really be nice managing my own business without having to impress anyone or tip toe on how people would feel about the fruit of my labour.
I wanted to sleep on my own bed every night and perform a mission in life that is bigger than myself. I want my money to multipy and be always abundant in my life to support my every whimp and project.
It’s good that I have a dream… now I need to come up with a plan to make that happen! 😉
In Review on November 27, 2015 at 7:50 AM
I grew up watching the James Bond franchise. I think I’ve seen them all, if not all then definitely majority of them.
Watching Spectre in a Dubai cinema means no bed scenes and if I am not mistaken a Bond movie comprise with an espionage, gun, women, a good looking car, a villain, and an elegantly dressed agent 007 in his tuxedo or in a impecably tailored suit. There were deleted scenes but I appreciate what’s left.
I am thrilled with the action scenes, the fashion, the oozing confidence, and an injection of humor especially coming from Q. It was an entertaining movie that should not be taken as realistic but nowadays I do feel like we create our lives into a cinema that anything is possible.
I don’t think it was a smooth movie overall but I am glad I enjoyed it. If you’ve been watching Bond, this is like any of the other films only suitable for the 2015 era, and so go see it. Nothing spectacularly surprising, it is predictable that Bond always win in the end.
In Letter on November 26, 2015 at 7:34 AM
There are so many things that I am learning and there are few things that are challenging my patience and peace. I am so scared to fail, to be shamed, to let people down, to lose my concentration, to be unhealthy, to be worn out, or in totality to be unsuccessful in this new arena that I entered.
I know you see my every move. I really need you. I humbly ask for your blessings and request that You send the Holy Spirit that I will always stay in the right path with the right mind set and never doubt my ability to do my responsibility.
I am getting weary and yet I don’t want to fail in this test. I have faith in the miracles that you will provide me with that will bless the works of my hands. I thank you for that. And always, I am thankful for the laughters that I release, the joy for seeing the beauty surrounding me, and the seed in my heart that I am forevermore loved.
With so much good hope and gratefulness,