[1: 1,902 of 10,000] Time Was My Kryptonite

My ego, the part of me that can constantly tell a story that I’m the best and worst – all for the sake to operate from fear instead of love, has obsession about time or age and it is dilapidating.

Some of my scared ego-talks:

• I want to be the youngest member of this club because I am special.
• I need to get that thing to elevate my status now.
• I am too old to become famously rich.
• I got white hairs… how do I expect to get a husband and raise children?
• 38 and still an employee? (even hearing this in a snotty remark)
• It will take time to learn and become an expert, how will I do school ‘again’ and still work to be a responsible adult and practical?
• Your peers have achieved so much in their career (company owner / VPs) while you are still a manager.
• You’re so slow.
• What is the point of doing great? Are you intending to leave a legacy, but wait who do you think you are who is worth leaving a legacy? You are going to die one day, so again, what is the point of all these hard works?

So how do I calm my fearful ego that is a part of me and that I lovingly call my intellect that needs a leader?

• I meditate and pray to calm my nerves. I don’t always get the answers when I meditate and pray, maybe I am not there yet, but the fact that I could become calm and not go to panic mode at all times that I even lose proper sleeps because I was paralyzed with the amount of goals I want to immediately achieve.
• I forgive myself that I have so much eagerness and not capable to move a mountain yet. And then I do what I can that leads to my ultimate goal. It doesn’t matter if it takes time to learn; so instead I lean on my incremental growth every day.
• Choose one battle at a time. Choose a team to help if it’s the additional ingredient of success. If I die before I achieve everything, I will be fine without regrets because I was able to accomplished some things.
• Treat my journey as mine and not to compare myself with others. My own growth is my business and the key is my life is rooted with good intentions.
• I enjoy the journey and celebrate the destination; and then I do it all over again with a new pursuit. If I wake up every morning, it means I have this moment to enjoy life, if a day turned out to be excruciating than I have hoped for, I could go to bed, release the past, and I will wake up the next morning again to have another clean slate.

What is your kryptonite and how do you overcome it?

[1: 1,707 of 10,000] The Movie Characters and My Age

I watched the Sex and The City movies back-to-back. Quick review: I was disappointed about the Part 2, I didn’t like it because I didn’t believe it. I live in UAE and I know that they were not in Abu Dhabi, it doesn’t really reflect authenticity about the city so it ruined the sense of entertainment.

Setting aside my disappointment about the portrayal of everything Abu Dhabi, I just recognised myself laughing and seeing the characters. I understand their decisions and their points of view, because I am now 35. I still remember when I was a teenager, I am drawn to Dawson’s Creek and couldn’t really enjoy stories of older people (why will I follow the lives of my parents’ age); but now that I have experienced adulthood, I do appreciate them.

I tend to find similarities with others and it is comforting to find oh she felt that, that is REALLY difficult (I know, been there), now looked like a success to me, and so forth… Although, in another part, I do believe now that each of us is unique, both our joy and pain, and we couldn’t actually say we have identical experiences because it could never be; maybe a slight hint but not entirely.

One of the scenes that I will never forget is when Charlotte was so furious at Big. Saying “NO” with so much dignity, firmness, and anger. She was rooting for Carrie and Big and yet she knew when it was time to protect her friend.

[1: 1,571 of 10,000] 35 in 2015

I know being 35 in 2015 are just numbers. I also know that one day I’ll die.

I now believe that everyday is a chance for me to enjoy life.

It is not a goal but I could continue to strive to serve in making this world a bit better than I found it.

I love to write, I could write as long as I breathe.

I could explore new ways that I can use my talent and connect with people.

I could choose the tribe that I believed that we value the same thing.

I make mistakes and I have the chance to repent and change.

I am a loving person.

[1: 399 of 10,000] We’re But A Child – Then & Later

I was born without a tooth
As I grow old I’ll lose it too
I was born with sparse hair
In the same state I’ll go back even bare
I started to speak with a da da da
In the end I’ll probably utter a lot of huh
I was learning to walk then
I shall learn to hold on tight to move later
I guess in diaper I start
In diaper I’ll be at the end
I am but a child when I was born
It just went by with add up age
I got back on some aspects just taller
The child in me must have never left ever