Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Desire’

[1: 1,965 of 10,000] The Defining Moment When I Knew I Desired To Write

In Journal on May 30, 2019 at 11:29 PM

ilya-pavlov-87472-unsplash

People who grew up loving what they do knew their deepest desire that they were meant to do it. I met a doctor who said, “I’ve always known that I wanted to become a doctor.” Great singers have the voice that blows our mind. Me… the defining moment when I knew I desired to write is because of my neighbour whom I considered an elder sister said, “You can make anything come true if you write it.”

My young mind understood that well I’ve always wanted a genie and that sounds pretty close in having one and the difference I didn’t even have a limitation of only three wishes. There was a time that my novel was a roadmap to my actual life, but that doesn’t always happen. What grew is my love affair with writing, not about making a wish come true, but it transitioned that it gives me the joy to write, and now I am at the point that I write to inspire people of what I write and for others to be infected of my joy because I am writing.

My beginning feels selfish and childish because it is what I was able to grasp and my point of experience in that life. Now, I am still selfish because I do write since it gives me pleasure but I think about others that may my writing gives another light to a path of seeing the beauty of life.

Photo by Ilya Pavlov on Unsplash

 

[1: 1,954 of 10,000] What Do You Desire?

In Poem on October 6, 2018 at 9:45 PM

 

Screen Shot 2018-10-06 at 9.38.18 PM

I have tasted poverty
I have felt glory
Yet there are in between
I felt indifference
Neither happy nor sad

I got to feel again
Find the fire in my soul
Let it blasts into an explosion
Make me feel human
Make me feel divine

Open my heart
Find out where it beats
What do I desire
For my desire
Lead to why my soul exists

Photo source: Banksy’s Instagram Post – The Banksy artwork got shredded right before everyone’s eyes after it was auctioned for 1 Million Pound.

[1: 1,600 of 10,000] Wrong Affection Can Go Away

In Journal on September 25, 2015 at 8:41 AM

strange_desire_by_micmojo

I have a desire for a man who I know isn’t the best for me but the more I try to avoid it before, the more that I was drawn or attracted to be in that wrong head space. He had a glimpse that I was in love with him and that scared me because I know that I will not allow myself to have an illicit affair with him.

It was truly funny that I do know he’s not perfect but I have attached him with so many fantasies and personal connections that I have an illusion that he makes me happy. I was obsessing about being in a drama with him, that he adores me, that I could be his second wife, or I could be his second mistress. It was really delusional and pathetic that I often cry due to unwanted jealousy and wrong connotation that I needed to save him from his wrong life path and personal desires that 99% don’t include me. I was trying to be part of his life even if I wasn’t invited (talking about strong will but all in the wrong senses).

It is freeing that right now I am truly at peace that he is no longer my addiction. My focus is no longer on him because I am busy to new things that are more important for me and I am truly able to serve others. It helped that I seek God’s guidance because I really couldn’t handle it by myself.

There are times that a little voice try to get my attention that I reconnect, tell him I am sorry for the things that I have done that have hurt him and his wife, and then I snap back to reality that “enough” about establishing new string of false friendship. I know that my peace and joy right now will rub on them because I have no other desire but for them to feel the same.

I am truly happy that wrong affection can go away. I am grateful.