Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Emotions’

[1: 1,873 of 10,000] My Wake Up Call Is A DEVIL Tarot Card

In Journal on April 1, 2017 at 4:22 PM

the_devil

I was down… drowning.

Emotionally that I have thought repeatedly of being dead is better but I know I will never attempt suicide and I didn’t have to because I live each day without peace and it is as good as dead. I am drained even at work for being unable to excel, tensed to achieve perfection at all times, and got undermined.

Physically because I am gaining weight slowly but surely, last year my food allergy got revealed from poultry, egg, and seafoods – imagine all seafoods, including maki’s nori. I miss my fried chicken and my Japanese food.

I am lonely.

I long for someone to hug me and I don’t get it anywhere. I know that I have to completely love me before I go looking for someone to do that or it’s an absolute disaster. I know God loves me but I couldn’t connect with Him because I am not making any positive change.

I like to peek the future. I like to look forward to a good news. I went to see a tarot card reader and she was blatant that everything looks well except for a ‘dark’ one blocking everything. She reminded me to be grateful but in my head I am but it just doesn’t feel light. I do sense a block. My world was shaken up when the ‘devil’ card appeared. Am I Dexter now with my own type of ‘dark passenger’?

As soon as I left the tarot card reader, I decided that I am not going to be defeated by a devil or my own silliness of thinking that I am better than everyone else or I am too bad than everyone else. I am going to make my life beautiful.

Right now, I smile, a good one.

[1: 1,830 of 10,000] Where Do You Cry?

In Journal on December 3, 2016 at 10:15 PM

tears

Have you ever cry in public?

Whenever I get caught with my emotions in public, I do feel shy to cry in front of strangers. I try to rush and wipe the tears away. As fast as I can, I try to hide.

I wonder if people did catch me crying but just silent. If they ask me, I don’t know if I would be willing to share my heartache.

[1: 1,681 of 10,000] I Am Alive And That Must Mean Something

In Journal on February 4, 2016 at 3:21 AM
Screen Shot 2016-02-04 at 3.13.06 AM

Being collected is a matter of making the decision of which face to display not necessarily for others but for myself and everyone. (Photo Source: http://www.sliptalk.com/girls-gone-ugly)

I am alive, breathing here on Earth, and that must mean something.

I am kinder to myself now, I know that I set goals to make my day worthwhile, but I am gentler and I listen to my body of what it can accomplish rather than always being at the edge. The edge that I mentioned is the dark place where I felt like losing control, being in the brink of crossing a sad space that my mind gives in to defeat all because what I have hoped others would react didn’t go as it would have given me comfort. The whole point of surrendering about other’s decisions that aren’t my control don’t necessarily reflect their personal opinion or judgment on me in the whole sense.

Others have gone by, they left because of death whether it was their freewill, it was their time, or is it really possible that people leave their bodily suit too soon? I like to believe that yes in essence we are a soul within a physical suit (physical body), that may experience different realm on earth and another lifetime on to the next. Everytime I expererience a disappointment, my stress reaction is to fly and rushed to the next level of living, wherein I am imagining that it is lighter, where there’s deeper understanding, and that there is no more need for pain of all kinds. When I collect my thoughts… When I am composed and able to control my scared ego, I find peace and see life as simple, exciting, joyful, full of wonderful hopes and challenges that is worth facing and overcome; and then after all of it, I come out better than I was yesterday.

All I have to do is to do not panic. It is not an easy task for me right now, but I could feel God’s presence and connection with my very soul, and He caresses the real ME to hold on, have courage, and be grateful for my life because I am meant to be here for amazing tasks to contribute. I have to work with the people around me with gentleness and love. I should not put judgment and always feel like I am being personally attacked. I must admit my mistake and learn from the experience.I seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance for intellect to have the right people and solutions to move further. I am right now requesting for divine intervention because in reality, I cannot do it alone. I need all the best help that I can get.

Thank you that I am building a new kind of strength in me every single day. Thank you that I try to find the beautiful instead of focusing on what is very wrong. Thank you for having the kind sanity that could make me move forward with a true loving smile. Thank you God. Thank you life. Thank you ME.

[1: 1,635 of 10,000] Exploring Pity Me

In Journal on October 29, 2015 at 8:48 PM

Casper-1995-DI

Have you seen the movie Jerry Maguire wherein the athlete go to a television show and they are fighting not to cry during the interview? Cuba Gooding Jr. at the end was interviewed and he cracked even if he used to mocked the previous athletes who shed tears and said if it is him he won’t cry at all. Of course, it was not the case, he released an honest emotions through man tears.

I thought I am tough and won’t crack into crying if I talk about my childhood but a recent encounter proved me wrong. I was very vulnerable like the person I am speaking with could shatter all my walls, piercing through my soul, and she made me revealed that I still have a little child in me that gets scared and an adult that gets overwhelmed with all the emotions that I could detect from people around me.

It breaks my heart whenever I feel like I am to be pitied although I always exuded lightness and toughness that everything is going to be okay and I am okay. I never liked being pitied, I would rather be loved, respected, and rewarded with wonderful compliments and things that would make life a lot more comfortable.

[1: 1,630 of 10,000] Life’s Pain Is Normal

In Journal on October 24, 2015 at 11:34 PM

Experience

It gives me comfort that life’s pain is normal. It is through hardship that I challenge myself to do better. It is those crucial agony that I get to be stronger to face my next challenge. It is the victory that I am not giving up and overcoming this that delights me to keep living life with a smile.

I am typing at my kitchen marble table right now and I could see the lights of the city, it’s beautiful. My neighborhood is quiet, the construction site finally decided not to work so no hammering, no noisy trucks that makes that repeated sound when backing, and I could totally hear my own breathing. At this moment where I could enjoy the simplicity of just being and not thinking about the worries of life that I feel immensely grateful. I feel so lucky, cared, and loved.

[1: 1,416 of 10,000] I Miss You

In Journal on March 17, 2015 at 11:16 AM

I have been hearing those 3 words from 1 particular person a lot lately even uttered in a controlled pretend sobs; and I am quite at peace that I don’t find a bit of inclination to reply positively, it is not arrogance, I searched my heart but I really couldn’t say “I miss you too,” because I genuinely don’t.

It’s funny how he says those words when he knew the reason why I left, it was all because of his choices. I told him I didn’t agree of what he believed, but he hid things and I truly felt he pushed me away. It’s lunacy that he misses me. He shouldn’t have the right and the dignity to miss someone he was willing to let go in the first place. If he begged that I’d stay, I probably won’t, because staying in his company was enduring breathless moments and struggling dramatic episodes. I got to admit it was a wrong relationship to begin with, it was odd, there were different expectations, and it could never work.

I probably moved on and this is probably the last post about this man whom my heart had adored for years, okay just 2 years. He continuously say he misses me but never about wanting me back and I like that. He knew that it ended. He said he never gave me a proper good bye, maybe that’s what’s bothering him; in all honesty I don’t need it but maybe for his peace he needs it, to convince himself that he made a good decision for himself.

LOL! I just really don’t care anymore.

Missing-The-Target

[1: 997 of 10,000] Stop Feeding Addiction

In Journal on April 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM

WalkingThey say addiction covers up a pain but in my case it is not really taking an alternative happiness but it is simply my obsession. I must be going kookoo and I need to check in because it halts me from my greatness.

I just need to talk about it and it is probably doesn’t make sense to anyone reading this but I am in a lot of stress because I cannot teach my brain to simply stop. I am hoping setting 2 goals could keep my brain from drifting to oblivion. I better be focusing to (1) finishing a book and (2) move to Australia. I better make it work without doubt and definitely minus all the excuses. Help me God.