Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Father’

[1: 1,727 of 10,000] My Dead Father Had Spoken

In Journal on June 19, 2016 at 12:00 AM

This year, we are to celebrate the 14th death anniversary of my father. I admire him when he was alive. I also get a little scared of him and ensured that whatever project that we do together must be perfect especially from the expected execution from my side. There are moments that I despised him so much. In several instances, I pitied him for being uneducated, alone, and too much of a dreamer who can’t make it happen. And then there is the reality that I loved him.

Last year, my dead father spoke with me through a medium. He apologised that he was not strong enough to take care of us and a mystery on the table that I go to Hong Kong and discover my roots, to learn about his grandfather (referring to my great grandfather), and write about our family’s damnation and yet bringing me in to possibly shed light in directions I could not possibly know right now.

I am never a fan of looking back, I always wanted to move forward, but there is a piece of me, just a flicker of fire that wanted to pursue this. My mother revealed a secret to me that my father once raped a woman, I don’t know if there’s really truth in that story, I never confronted my father as he was dead when my mother shared it. During the session with the medium, he shared the picture of my proud great grandfather riding his horse, there were misbehaviours, slavery, and the rape came out again.

opiumwars

Sex is pleasurable but whenever I see news about women that was brutally raped my heart protest for the injustice. How could they turn a love making into something disgusting by prying into the privacy of someone who is delicate! I know that I’ve always kept my distance from men, not even giving them the slightest indication that I wanted to be raped today to the extent that I am aware of my invisible space of not to be skin-closed to anyone I don’t like.

Is it true that my past is filled with terrors, a heavy stigma that I am possibly carrying that weighs me down? Is it just a pigment of my creative imagination to begin something for entertainment purposes? Is this too coincidental that I am being called to serve by combing an unpleasant past that I have not been privilege to witness? If I am to pursue, where will I begin? I suddenly just move to Hong Kong and faith would lead me?

I don’t know but if it was really my dead father speaking to me, I am indeed curious. How to act and move forward, I still don’t know.

[1: 1,629 of 10,000] Soul Reading Extravaganza

In Journal on October 24, 2015 at 10:56 PM

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I met a woman who does soul reading. We have an appointment to connect for an hour. I was excited but when we started and she’s looking through my eyes directly, I got scared that she would see my deepest desires and secrets.

I was hoping to find out what my future holds and to find out if I have removed the blockage that seems to stop my launch.

She was spot on that I lack confidence. She saw my young self who wasn’t validated and given permission to express herself. I grew up to be sensitive as my father who could feel everybody and could turn out to be very overwhelmed. My father was there communicating through her and we’ve said our sorrys, me for not seeing him and he for not being strong as I have hoped him to be.

I was sobbing and I couldn’t believe there were so much emotions that I’ve hidden. On a regular day, I know that I am not contained by the past because I was at peace about it, but going back and remembering how I have to make it work makes me remember how painful it was. Sharing this experience right now doesn’t trigger tears and I wonder how could I’ve been so vulnerable last night with an audience.

She saw me having a son in the horizon. I am going to have a son with the qualities of my father. I am not ready right now to be in a commitment and have a family of my own, I am still indifferent.

[1: 1,307 of 10,000] The “Liam Neeson”

In Review on February 19, 2014 at 12:50 AM

Taken

If you have a daughter and you have not seen the movie Taken, well now is the time! My Mom saw it first in our family and immediately she insisted demanded that we, her three daughters, her only three children, most especially to my youngest sister who loves to travel, made sure that we see the movie and understand it by heart.

Taken is the best suspense thriller movie ever! Or is it Liam the best father a distressed daughter could ever hope for to come rescue and save the freaking day.

I would probably tell my child unless your dad is a real life Bryan Mills then you wouldn’t made me stop worrying that you won’t make the misjudgment to trust a stranger. No more arguments, you’re not leaving the house until I am sure that there will be no danger. Well, the truth is, I will probably let my child go and I trust that God sends his angels to protect her every single step of her beautiful life.

Best dramatic line ever – “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”