Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

[1: 1,892 of 10,000] Fear Emerging

In Article on August 26, 2017 at 11:28 PM

My sister said that we are watching a horror movie and she played “The Green Infierno”. I really don’t know what kind of horror will I expect then it started, the cannibalism that almost halt my heart from beating.

The Green Infierno

The leader of the tribe in this scene was going to nibble a fresh eyeball newly harvested from a screaming live man.

My mind was completely disturbed because my logical mind knew it could really happen. It made question my desire of eating meat. It build a fear not to travel in unknown places.

It was gruesome and I couldn’t even imagine myself eating another person. I experienced smelling a person burning, when we have cremated the remains of my mother,  it smells like a meat being barbecued but never at the point I will imagine that it will be tasty.

I hope that we will be kinder with one another. May we not bring suffering to another person either physically or even in other ways like verbal or emotional abuse. May we progress to socially live with others in a respectable way.

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[1: 1,758 of 10,000] Creepy Silence

In Journal on July 19, 2016 at 12:00 AM

Room

Is it just me who feel the creeps in a room that is silent especially when I am stepping into it for the first time. It never grows old, I walk to a silent room and my stomach starts to churn freakily and my heart rate changes. It will take a few minutes before I stabilise.

Is that a budding fear that makes me feel scared of the unknown?

I don’t know but it will never stop me to keep entering new rooms for the rest of my life.

[1: 1,752 of 10,000] I Am Very Afraid

In Journal on July 13, 2016 at 12:00 AM

Afraid

I am very afraid lately.

Afraid of…

  • Losing my job and feeling useless with no money, to be in debt, staying at home doing nothing
  • Irresponsible and being late with my commitments
  • Getting scolded and shamed
  • Dishonoured and made feel very uncomfortable
  • Not good enough
  • Not progressing fast enough and get a breakthrough
  • I cannot fully love myself hence cannot love others

Fear

I know that everyday I need to get up in the morning and do what I have to do even if it’s painful. I have to soldier on.

I wanted to feel alive and happy; but right now I could count the times that I am laughing my heart out and really truly feeling peaceful. Move on, slowly but surely.

[1: 1,720 of 10,000] I’m Not Bored, I Was Lazy

In Article on June 12, 2016 at 6:06 AM

Lazy.jpg

It clicked on me that I am not actually bored with my life, it isn’t possible considering there are so many ideas that I can realise some may not be easily even by myself but by working as a team, in short I was lazy. I was lazy to put my heart into action, to be dedicated, to move my ass, to believe that I am capable of greatness in my own right, but I was very committed to making excuses, to being scared, and to be stagnant.

OK maybe not super lazy but I was focusing and accomplishing all the wrong things that will not advance me to what will make me satisfied and be happily present. I was quite happy delaying what needs to be done, I am up for eating too much, or finding another things to keep me BUSY but not for the essential matters.

I do have the syndrome of freezing whenever there is something important to be done so I’ve promised myself beginning theis weekend that no more excuses, no more fooling around, no more procrastination, no more being confused, no more running away, no more lurking in social media just to fill the void I’ve assumed, instead HELLO incredible and fabulous life!

[1: 1,711 of 10,000] I’m Getting More Courageous

In Journal on June 3, 2016 at 12:02 PM

I have been very afraid, unsure of my capabilities, and neglected loving first myself. It was an exercise that I have to make sure I learn, to be more courageous, to trust myself, and love me like no other human has ever did (and really now most love for me should come from me).

Anantara Uluwatu

Still admiring the beautiful Bali beach, before I finally pack, and head back home to Dubai. The water has its own life, it sings and dances, and it doesn’t care about the human but human get flexible for its strength, beauty, and fickle emotions.

May I be like the sea for its glorious vastness of beauty, it is true to itself without a care in the world, but we human as the assigned caretaker need to ensure that it is safe because just for its very existence, it can gives us an energy beyond words, it soothes our souls for its authenticity.

#surflife

[1: 1,709 of 10,000] What are you choosing between LOVE or FEAR?

In Journal on June 1, 2016 at 1:22 AM

It is true, whenever we act or react, there are two significant choices, either towards LOVE or FEAR. I can never explain it simpler than on how Marianne Williamson shared in this quote:

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” ― Marianne Williamson

My personal mission beginning now on the 1st of June is to love myself so I can love others and everything that I do, perceive, intent, and all for the higher good. 🙂

Love

[1: 1,686 of 10,000] Who Helps Create A Story

In Article on February 11, 2016 at 2:07 AM

Runaway Bride

The new ego that I got to know is the part in me that craves for attention, destructively repeat scenarios in my head just to keep me in a drama loop, it demands that it is always the center of attention whether as the leading lady or the weakest pity-me sad lady, and so I realised now that my ego has always been the source of story.

I was washing the dishes early on, The Holiday was playing on television, and I thought, “if your life as you believe it is full of drama, then it could actually be a good material for a movie, a story, a novel, well just to make sense of it and make it useful as an entertainment.”

It is no wonder I relate so much on different stories even if there’s a culture difference; at the end of it all, our ego speaks the same story line, we can relate about betrayal or triumph, and it is either fascinating or depressing depending on the inner peace that we try to draw out from every circumstance. I hope it will always be positive and we can overcome our fears.

[1: 1,670 of 10,000] I Am Changing

In Journal on December 12, 2015 at 7:55 AM

I am changing, for the better?, well I hope so.

I know that I am slowly changing that the thing I care about before doesn’t even come close to my priorities right now.

I could see the inflated ego of the people around me and this time around I don’t fight them but on the other hand, I still have that habit of thinking to run away. I could not run away forever whenever I feel like I am not in the right circle of people that builds me up, I need to go deeper and tap into my calmness so the people around me get influenced by my steady demeanor instead of instantly reacting into a fight mode.

I know that I am also a contributor of this negative circumstances because of my negative thoughts the previous days. I was reaping my fears and I should really do an internal clean up before it is too late that there are more to sort out.

I don’t really understand how am I going to live my life. I am still at the edge of adventure but it’s not comfortable, I feel lost, and I am scared. I have been living my life alone and now all I can confide with are my books, my journal, and my solitude prayers.

Is it time for therapy? Or just time to face my fears and do the work? It’s always been the latter.

Fear

[1: 1,660 of 10,000] The Sense Of Every Thing Is Temporary

In Article on November 23, 2015 at 5:58 AM

It does feel new that I could grasp the concept that every thing in this world is temporary. I don’t need to hold on because I knew in my gut that it has an end, even I will cease to exist to most likely without warning. With this realisation, I get to live more to what is present, I still worry as my intellect come up with new possibilities of bad scenarios that might happen in the future and tapping conveniently on my fears but still nevertheless I know in my inner self that it doesn’t matter.

The pain I havoc on to myself and to others are nothing but a pigment of my imagination and self-sabotage unless I find the common ground of giving my best at hand. Without the slightest hint of indecency and dishonesty, if I am giving the love I got right now, those are what counts. I get bugged down for expecting something better from others and those where the times that more so that I let go because I could not always control matters on to my own hands.

I couldn’t see the future but I hold on to the belief that I am okay right now and I am able to speak to someone bigger than any thing, any human, and any impossibility. It doesn’t feel like a lunacy that I could feel that I will never be alone and unloved, and it’s a comfort to keep moving, keep growing gradually, and never giving up on beauty, hope, dream, peace, and love.

[1: 1,623 of 10,000] Hey Fear

In Article on October 18, 2015 at 4:11 AM

Unicorn

Hey fear, I recognise you even if you hide as cute as a unicorn.

We both know you’re real and I hear you.

We also both know you’re not always right and it’s okay.

I love how Elizabeth Gilbert speaks to her fear like another part of her and encouraging it to stand down when she needed to be somebody else. Yes fear saves us from imminent danger but it is not always required.

Like right now, I need to step up for work, so my dear unicorn, stand down, I got this. I’ll call you again when I need you and I will need you because you’re part of me and you stir something in me that I needed the most to leap off higher than where I am. So be still, I got this.