Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

[1: 2,055 of 10,000] Doubt Creeps In

In Journal on March 9, 2021 at 7:31 PM

I stumble without my plan because it feels like living through life without proper check points before reaching my destination. I see the shadow side of plans and that’s stronghold control. I was surprised that there’s something more scarier to that though. When I start building this anxiety listening to my pouring doubts and fears that I’m too rigid of my plan then am not allowing my muse to glide through. For two nights, I fight back sleep, overthinking, going through the plan one more time and see how can I loosen it. I wanted to stay awake and figure out a solution, do I need to come up with a new one?

Oh I was also told that I’m too much in my head and I’m falling into my own trap again. Circling to my obsession and grip of a future that depends on the choices that I make in the present moment. I’ve been advised to see things in a different perspective because I have all the ingredients but I question am I supposed to cook something different, which I have no solid idea how can I make that happen. In my chaotic mind, there’s one thing I’m avoiding though, to sit in stillness to consult my Inner Knowing and ask, “What do I want?”

I process, I prayed, because the direction of my life will only need to come from my authentic voice. My mind is bleeding because it’s not connecting to my intuition, to what I feel, and then the firework sparks and it kept cracking. I got it.

I have to follow my bliss. It’s not about changing the plan, it’s about surrendering my grip and obsession of the journey and the outcome. Right now, I have to accept that I’m good wherever way it lands. A message nudging me that I’ll never make the wrong choice because I have one consistent vision, it’s the paths to get there that have different flavors. The vision wasn’t flawed, my attitude to not allowing play to interrupt that plan that’s raising an issue. I’ve always been all right so why would I be afraid to take a risk this time if I’ll be doing what my Soul came here in this lifetime to do. With that, I’m at peace and my train keeps moving forward.

Photo credit: Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

[1: 2,031 of 10,000] If You’re Not Afraid

In Question on November 30, 2020 at 12:00 AM
  1. If you’re not afraid, what will you say?
  2. If you’re not afraid, what’s important to you?
  3. If you’re not afraid, what will you release?
  4. If you’re not afraid, what will make you happy?
  5. If you’re not afraid, where will you go?
  6. If you’re not afraid, what will you start learning?
  7. If you’re not afraid, who will you forgive?
  8. If you’re not afraid, what will you create?
  9. If you’re not afraid, who will you call?
  10. If you’re not afraid, how will you love yourself?

Time is fleeting but it’s not what I’m supposed to focus on but what will make me feel alive. Listen to my heart and what it longs for and give it. Stop playing the games of the scared human but keep on taking chances, putting my heart on the line, and then celebrate when I win and try again until I get my desired sweet ending. Nothing is ever lost, only gained.

[1: 2,019 of 10,000] Afraid of Making Mistakes

In List on November 19, 2020 at 8:33 PM
Photo by Kenny Luo on Unsplash

I have gone through so much in life that I already know what I don’t like to happen again. I started being scared of what have happened to the people closest to me that I take every positive course so I can to avoid every single one.

What am I afraid of?

  • Be in a position to ask someone who am not close to for loan. I don’t have any loan from a bank or from anyone at this point and I’m so keen of keeping it that way.
  • Die of heart attack like my father or suffer cancer and eventually passed like my mother. It’s my responsibility to take care of my health if I want to have the vibrancy to live.
  • Be pregnant out of wedlock or from an illicit affair because I believe children need a healthy family to grow up. A family member had an affair and had a child, and no one took care of the child.
  • Marry the wrong person because I don’t want to go through separation or divorce. I have always believed marriage is supposed to be sacred and binding as long as both are living.
  • Die alone in my own home and will only be found after a few days. It happened to one of my college adviser and I thought that’s sad.

There are more fears that I have to take a look, and while am looking at them, I have to be patient of my inner child to know that it’s okay to feel those sadness and worries, but after that I got to focus on the positive things.

I’m here to live a human experience and expand my soul. I’m here to be willing to step into the unknown, be ready to make unintentional mistakes, learn, and take another shot. It’s good that I value things, to have a stand, but not on the point of only focusing on what’s bad but as fast as I can look at the opposite of my fear and have only that in my attention.

I also have to remember, whenever I am choosing to be afraid, I am saying no to love. Loving in life is the right way, the easy way, and yet I am okay to have a little hiccup if it means I’ll grow stronger and wiser having my experience as my own teacher. Today, I’m not afraid of making mistake, I am more for being able to live!

[1: 1,996 of 10,000] Don’t Be Afraid

In Article on October 9, 2020 at 8:11 PM

There are so many things going on in the world. Nothing changed in my life in terms of still having a busy day at work yet I know how challenging it has been for others who lost loved ones, separated from families, unable to physically connect, and a new calling for awakening to end racism, child abuse and female degradation.

There are so many things we don’t know that’s happening behind the scenes and no matter how much I deny it I have been changing spiritually. I am drawn to terms like lightworker, Earth angel, Source Energy, Law of Attraction from the Teachings of Abraham, Everything is Spiritual from Rob Bell, and I’m getting my hands on tarot and oracle cards. I have a deep desire to understand energy and shed light to love.

There are so many things going on around us but if I go within, I have this incredible knowing that I don’t have to be afraid. All is well. In my little corner in the world, I can continue to shine light to joy, kindness, and when I falter I forgive myself. I am doing something for doing what I love, write, work, rest and keep an open mind.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know why the past had happened. I do know though that at this very moment, I can find peace to where I am, and that’s enough. At this moment, I have time to meditate, do yoga, have a comfortable home for a private space and I have entertainment that celebrates beauty, life and growth. I’m grateful that I’m alive, I’m grateful that I get to wake up because I can experience to dream, make plans and collaborate with the Universe that has perfect timing that aims for my full well-being.

[1: 1,892 of 10,000] Fear Emerging

In Article on August 26, 2017 at 11:28 PM

My sister said that we are watching a horror movie and she played “The Green Infierno”. I really don’t know what kind of horror will I expect then it started, the cannibalism that almost halt my heart from beating.

The Green Infierno

The leader of the tribe in this scene was going to nibble a fresh eyeball newly harvested from a screaming live man.

My mind was completely disturbed because my logical mind knew it could really happen. It made question my desire of eating meat. It build a fear not to travel in unknown places.

It was gruesome and I couldn’t even imagine myself eating another person. I experienced smelling a person burning, when we have cremated the remains of my mother,  it smells like a meat being barbecued but never at the point I will imagine that it will be tasty.

I hope that we will be kinder with one another. May we not bring suffering to another person either physically or even in other ways like verbal or emotional abuse. May we progress to socially live with others in a respectable way.

[1: 1,758 of 10,000] Creepy Silence

In Journal on July 19, 2016 at 12:00 AM

Room

Is it just me who feel the creeps in a room that is silent especially when I am stepping into it for the first time. It never grows old, I walk to a silent room and my stomach starts to churn freakily and my heart rate changes. It will take a few minutes before I stabilise.

Is that a budding fear that makes me feel scared of the unknown?

I don’t know but it will never stop me to keep entering new rooms for the rest of my life.

[1: 1,752 of 10,000] I Am Very Afraid

In Journal on July 13, 2016 at 12:00 AM

Afraid

I am very afraid lately.

Afraid of…

  • Losing my job and feeling useless with no money, to be in debt, staying at home doing nothing
  • Irresponsible and being late with my commitments
  • Getting scolded and shamed
  • Dishonoured and made feel very uncomfortable
  • Not good enough
  • Not progressing fast enough and get a breakthrough
  • I cannot fully love myself hence cannot love others

Fear

I know that everyday I need to get up in the morning and do what I have to do even if it’s painful. I have to soldier on.

I wanted to feel alive and happy; but right now I could count the times that I am laughing my heart out and really truly feeling peaceful. Move on, slowly but surely.

[1: 1,720 of 10,000] I’m Not Bored, I Was Lazy

In Article on June 12, 2016 at 6:06 AM

Lazy.jpg

It clicked on me that I am not actually bored with my life, it isn’t possible considering there are so many ideas that I can realise some may not be easily even by myself but by working as a team, in short I was lazy. I was lazy to put my heart into action, to be dedicated, to move my ass, to believe that I am capable of greatness in my own right, but I was very committed to making excuses, to being scared, and to be stagnant.

OK maybe not super lazy but I was focusing and accomplishing all the wrong things that will not advance me to what will make me satisfied and be happily present. I was quite happy delaying what needs to be done, I am up for eating too much, or finding another things to keep me BUSY but not for the essential matters.

I do have the syndrome of freezing whenever there is something important to be done so I’ve promised myself beginning theis weekend that no more excuses, no more fooling around, no more procrastination, no more being confused, no more running away, no more lurking in social media just to fill the void I’ve assumed, instead HELLO incredible and fabulous life!

[1: 1,711 of 10,000] I’m Getting More Courageous

In Journal on June 3, 2016 at 12:02 PM

I have been very afraid, unsure of my capabilities, and neglected loving first myself. It was an exercise that I have to make sure I learn, to be more courageous, to trust myself, and love me like no other human has ever did (and really now most love for me should come from me).

Anantara Uluwatu

Still admiring the beautiful Bali beach, before I finally pack, and head back home to Dubai. The water has its own life, it sings and dances, and it doesn’t care about the human but human get flexible for its strength, beauty, and fickle emotions.

May I be like the sea for its glorious vastness of beauty, it is true to itself without a care in the world, but we human as the assigned caretaker need to ensure that it is safe because just for its very existence, it can gives us an energy beyond words, it soothes our souls for its authenticity.

#surflife

[1: 1,709 of 10,000] What are you choosing between LOVE or FEAR?

In Journal on June 1, 2016 at 1:22 AM

It is true, whenever we act or react, there are two significant choices, either towards LOVE or FEAR. I can never explain it simpler than on how Marianne Williamson shared in this quote:

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” ― Marianne Williamson

My personal mission beginning now on the 1st of June is to love myself so I can love others and everything that I do, perceive, intent, and all for the higher good. 🙂

Love