Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

[1: 1,686 of 10,000] Who Helps Create A Story

In Article on February 11, 2016 at 2:07 AM

Runaway Bride

The new ego that I got to know is the part in me that craves for attention, destructively repeat scenarios in my head just to keep me in a drama loop, it demands that it is always the center of attention whether as the leading lady or the weakest pity-me sad lady, and so I realised now that my ego has always been the source of story.

I was washing the dishes early on, The Holiday was playing on television, and I thought, “if your life as you believe it is full of drama, then it could actually be a good material for a movie, a story, a novel, well just to make sense of it and make it useful as an entertainment.”

It is no wonder I relate so much on different stories even if there’s a culture difference; at the end of it all, our ego speaks the same story line, we can relate about betrayal or triumph, and it is either fascinating or depressing depending on the inner peace that we try to draw out from every circumstance. I hope it will always be positive and we can overcome our fears.

[1: 1,670 of 10,000] I Am Changing

In Journal on December 12, 2015 at 7:55 AM

I am changing, for the better?, well I hope so.

I know that I am slowly changing that the thing I care about before doesn’t even come close to my priorities right now.

I could see the inflated ego of the people around me and this time around I don’t fight them but on the other hand, I still have that habit of thinking to run away. I could not run away forever whenever I feel like I am not in the right circle of people that builds me up, I need to go deeper and tap into my calmness so the people around me get influenced by my steady demeanor instead of instantly reacting into a fight mode.

I know that I am also a contributor of this negative circumstances because of my negative thoughts the previous days. I was reaping my fears and I should really do an internal clean up before it is too late that there are more to sort out.

I don’t really understand how am I going to live my life. I am still at the edge of adventure but it’s not comfortable, I feel lost, and I am scared. I have been living my life alone and now all I can confide with are my books, my journal, and my solitude prayers.

Is it time for therapy? Or just time to face my fears and do the work? It’s always been the latter.

Fear

[1: 1,660 of 10,000] The Sense Of Every Thing Is Temporary

In Article on November 23, 2015 at 5:58 AM

It does feel new that I could grasp the concept that every thing in this world is temporary. I don’t need to hold on because I knew in my gut that it has an end, even I will cease to exist to most likely without warning. With this realisation, I get to live more to what is present, I still worry as my intellect come up with new possibilities of bad scenarios that might happen in the future and tapping conveniently on my fears but still nevertheless I know in my inner self that it doesn’t matter.

The pain I havoc on to myself and to others are nothing but a pigment of my imagination and self-sabotage unless I find the common ground of giving my best at hand. Without the slightest hint of indecency and dishonesty, if I am giving the love I got right now, those are what counts. I get bugged down for expecting something better from others and those where the times that more so that I let go because I could not always control matters on to my own hands.

I couldn’t see the future but I hold on to the belief that I am okay right now and I am able to speak to someone bigger than any thing, any human, and any impossibility. It doesn’t feel like a lunacy that I could feel that I will never be alone and unloved, and it’s a comfort to keep moving, keep growing gradually, and never giving up on beauty, hope, dream, peace, and love.

[1: 1,623 of 10,000] Hey Fear

In Article on October 18, 2015 at 4:11 AM

Unicorn

Hey fear, I recognise you even if you hide as cute as a unicorn.

We both know you’re real and I hear you.

We also both know you’re not always right and it’s okay.

I love how Elizabeth Gilbert speaks to her fear like another part of her and encouraging it to stand down when she needed to be somebody else. Yes fear saves us from imminent danger but it is not always required.

Like right now, I need to step up for work, so my dear unicorn, stand down, I got this. I’ll call you again when I need you and I will need you because you’re part of me and you stir something in me that I needed the most to leap off higher than where I am. So be still, I got this.

[1: 1,556 of 10,000] My Greatest Irrational Fears

In Journal on August 12, 2015 at 7:14 PM

Broken

I have these irrational fears, some are very silly, and some are being defended by my scared self. I am sharing them, naming them, so that I would have more will to overcome them.

  1. I could recall that when I was a child, I was scared of storm. Our home is made of concrete and steel roof but with the heavy wind blowing, I was scared that it will destroy our home and we will all be soak in cold and homeless. I have to have faith with the engineers and construction workers that they did a great job.
  2. I worry that what if the bridge cracked while we’re in the middle driving and crossing? I was scared because I don’t know how to swim. I have to chill and learn how to swim.
  3. When there’s a steep road, I worry that the car won’t be able to climb up and we slide back. I then overcome this when I visited Jordan that a steep road is but normal.
  4. At the time at the hospital when I thought my mom is going to die that I prayed so hard and pleaded to God that not today. Everybody has a time to leave and that is why living is enjoying the journey.
  5. When I grew up, I was afraid to open messages and emails about something that is important to me. I was scared that my requests and questions are not answered positively or I’ll be attacked. I suck it up and just read the message whatever the result because I know life has so many possibilities and if I stick to my good story then there’s no way it won’t turn out great.
  6. I remembered the night that I couldn’t sleep when someone threatened me that he will have me arrested by a police. I was really nervous that I gathered my friends to pray for my safety. I learn that if I have to judge somebody, I would tell it on their face with love and gentleness. I will never shame anyone again even if I speak the truth.
  7. There are moments when I know that my youngest sissy drives alone, I worry that there’ll be an accident. I try to stop the thoughts and imagine that Archangel Michael provide a white light and wings that will keep her safe with her journey.
  8. It feels awful that my sisters are financially assisting me instead of I supporting them now that I’ve gone jobless for the sixth month. I am not giving up, the time off helped me so much to learn about peace, self-publish an eBook, and seeing the world with a deepening faith with God. I now know too that my sisters love me.
  9. The flesh temptation in my life suddenly reemerges and I am learning to stay strong and seek God’s help to fight it. I will try to focus on the good things and prepare myself before it kicks in again. I should stay away on circumstance which I know would only end badly.
  10. I am afraid of the unknown, how things will turn out, that I will be mocked by people for my shortcomings and at those moments that I catch myself depleting, I sit back and relax. I don’t let ego control my life. It’s a beautiful and easy life if I believed it to be. I am a pretty soul and loved and no judgment from others and even from myself will succeed to make me believe otherwise.

What are your fear? May we all learn to have courage and be victorious with God’s love, grace, and guidance.

[1: 1,498 of 10,000] Don’t Surrender To The Scared Voice Inside

In Article on June 15, 2015 at 12:01 AM

Edge

The scared voice inside may suggests the following:

  • It’s better to die, so I don’t need to deal with all these problems.
  • I hope he dies so he wouldn’t harm anyone.
  • My life is so boring and I’m a loser.
  • I have no luck in the world.
  • It’s wrong but it’s fun, so it’s must be all right to keep doing it.

S T O P

Those are the negative thinking that should be reigned and properly addressed. They all hide the real problems.

I have the habit of a control freak and demanding explanations of every single thing. It bothers me a lot when someone is hurting and something has to be done. I often react in haste and harsh, which then depicts my ultimate purpose of peace and love. There are just certain role that it is not ours to perform like judging and punishing.

Life is full of wonders that we are too stubborn to see because we listen to the scared voice inside our head that loop repeated negative movies. Let us practise to fill our head with new beautiful things so we can start doing magnificent things and be more forgiving to ourselves and others.

Breathe. Don’t identify with the voice inside your head that it’s who you are.

Breathe. Focus your mind to righteous beauties or pick one, think of PEACE, picture your happiest memory that brings tranquility to your bothered heart, stay there.

Breathe. Right now is the most important, not the past, not the future, NOW.

Instead of the scared voices, have courage:

  • I don’t get to live forever so today I may try a new way to live with gusto.
  • I pray that he finds the love within him and share it with everyone.
  • I am breathing, I must have a purpose for still being here.
  • I am alive, I am not going to stop hustling.
  • Be nice, be kind, and be generous, because it makes a wonderful feeling.

[1: 1,486 of 10,000] I Froze

In Article on June 3, 2015 at 1:41 PM

I never knew myself as a coward or fearful, I know I get scared but I do it anyway. Hustling and striving but never because I just gave up. In my surprise, a certain phone call this morning instantly froze me. Someone I want to keep my distant from is asking for my help for a day. I do wish him well but I don’t want to stay close anymore.

He is asking for my help and normally I like to be of service but this time I couldn’t think anything logical, my hands are sweaty and twisted, and my demeanour goes back to a little girl. Has this person traumatised me that I get that instant stressful feeling? Have I lost hope that he’s a good person and it is worth my time? Have I been bruised too bad that I shut down involuntarily.

I vowed to be happy and there is nothing more rewarding than to be helpful. During the phone conversation, or more like he is talking and I couldn’t speak a word, he said that I could just say it, he suggested several scenarios, but when it gets too overwhelming, I told him that I’ll call him back. I don’t want to be put in that spot and I don’t have anything to say or was I concern that I don’t want to say something hurtful because after all I shall never live with regret.

I made myself a milk tea and have eaten a cake to calm myself or have I just tricked myself to be in a happy mode and that I’d be forgiving and could agree to anything. Then I thought there is nothing wrong to help and I don’t want to live a life where I hide from anything, so I called back and set a meeting for tomorrow. I am still recuperating with my intense day yesterday. I don’t know why did I even agree but deep within me I felt responsible and thinks it’s the right thing to do. I’m not ecstatic to do it but I need to be better than that, I got to be happier and helpful, that’s what being a responsible adult be like.

Icy

[1: 1,312 of 10,000] I Am Not Afraid Anymore

In Letter on February 24, 2014 at 11:52 PM

Photo By Brad Goldpaint

Dear God,

I have always thought people will take advantage of my kindness. I have feared that men would misunderstood my sweet demeanour so I’ve build a thick and high boundary. I don’t like to be associated with anybody who will not contribute to the betterment of my being. I snob and acting snotty to negative people who cross my every waking day. I have mirrored people to get back at them especially if it’s negative.

Forgive me.

With you holding my hand, I shall trust without judgment. I shall understand with compassion. I shall listen to your voice speaking to my soul that I do not need to expect and only see the ill-fitted. I shall believe for the love and goodness you have instilled in our hearts because you created us out of your LOVE. I shall be gracious and kind to men who just wanted to be in my world, to listen to my thoughts, and be blessed and glorious of receiving my time.

I am not afraid anymore to share myself to honour you. You have filled me with so much greatness that I shall not contain it for the very few. May these words that you have allowed me to create goes a long way to kindle our spirits with hope and faith… all these only for your glory.

I love you.

With deepest gratitude that I could smile, your daughter,

Yor

[1: 1,287 of 10,000] Resistance Is A Shadow of Our Dream

In Article on January 30, 2014 at 2:48 PM
Steven Pressfield

Steven Pressfield

Through Robert Kiyosaki’s book I appreciate “resistance” and combating it as he also learned from Steven Pressfield that kept us from achieving our dream. It is our very own resistance because according to Steven the more important something for our soul’s evolution the more fear we’ll feel. The pain of not doing is more than the pain of doing.

The solution is just do it and do it hard because the key thing is every dream will always have a shadow in the form of resistance. And the most beautiful attitude according to Steven that we got to practice is ALWAYS to be patient, endure adversity, and play even when we’re hurting. Be in an infantry attack mode to get something done from A to Z. Who shows up everyday and finishes the day without taking failure or success personally.

I battle procrastination or resistance so hard and for the first time I got my AHA moment – all I really need to do is just do it because the resistance will be there but if I keep doing it will get done without fail. I shall strive and I shall succeed.

[1: 1,109 of 10,000] Creating Fear

In Journal on August 9, 2013 at 8:20 PM

FearMy parents died young.

Papa died at 49. Mama passed away at 59.

I’m 33, 16 years away from Papa’s, and 26 years from Mama’s.

I am afraid for dying too soon without making worthy contribution in this lifetime. I am also scared that if I settle down and have kids I won’t be able to be there for them. With the stress that I get myself into, I am worried that I will also have a heartache or develop a deadly cancer.

This silly fear that I thought of makes me sad. If I dig deeper into my heart though, I am comforted with the fact that I love God, my sisters, my dreams that is starting to get realized, and my hope that the world have a soul to be a reflection of heaven. More so, I know that God loves me, my sisters loves me, my dreams stays with me, and my hope lights me up!

Silly fear… fade away.