In Journal on July 5, 2016 at 10:12 PM
Following the cute water colour image, let me share few tidbits.
- I freeze whenever I know that there is something important at work to be done. I drown and get confused on what to do with the pile of works. I have the amazing talent of multiplying the work because I connect things too much and too fast.
- I sleep in the sofa when I get too worried and confused on what to do next with my life. I hurt my back, I lose proper sleep, and may eventually catch sickness that doesn’t get well too soon.
- People who raise their voice on me scare me. Unless they are useless to me, I don’t care, but when I want their attention and approval they can make me really nervous and sweat from my right forehead.
- I sometimes couldn’t stop myself buying new books despite having lots at home to still read and finish especially if I am extremely curious.
- I still don’t know what am I supposed to do in this lifetime. I could make people smile and also annoy others at the same time. I can’t please everyone so I guess it’s okay.
- I hate to inconvenient people but I am not perfect that I am guilty in delaying on the delivery of some assignments. I wish that I have the energy to keep working and always finishing what am I supposed to do. I expect other people to treat and serve me well especially if I am the customer.
- I could somehow pull the true desires of people. I have the demeanour that would effortlessly makes them share their secrets because they seemed secured in my presence, of my honesty, or my non-judgmental look. I do judge occasionally and one of the psychics our family have known picked it up.
- I boast sometimes that I am doing better than others. I boast to show what I’ve accomplished but not really about putting someone down. I thought I am inspiring them to get better.
- If coffees don’t make my heart palpitate, I will drink more than necessary to be alert and awake. I don’t like to look dying but I do whenever I am losing sleep.
- I wish I could make people’s wishes come true. I wish no one is in pain. I wish I could help anyone who seeks me for rescue. I wish I will never ask anything from others humiliating myself just because I have not prepared well for the future.
There, I hope in a way, it inspired you a little.
In Article on August 19, 2015 at 10:01 AM
It is true that I accept my friends for who they are.
I have a couple friend, and I was friend with the wife first. I admire both their kindness and love for one another. Although I know my dearest friend’s secret. She cheated on her husband, and I never dare told the husband, because I was thinking she will soon find the courage to admit it. True enough, there was a right time, and he forgave her.
Friendship is not build in a few days through online chatting. It takes years of loving and caring one another until it reaches the point of accepting everything for who they are. You never question someone’s intentions if it’s a real friendship because you would always know it comes from a good place.
My ex-boss’s wife said that she has no friend and lure me if we can be friends. Later, she was very interested to find out if her husband, my ex-boss, was cheating on her sometime ago. Oh and clarified if I was also having an affair with her husband too!
I said yes that he was having an affair and no for not having an affair with him. How will I have an affair with a man who is cheating on his wife? What am I, a second mistress? Do I accept the deception and disrespect? My ex-boss was furious at me to the point of threatening that he’ll go to the police and my crime is for divulging confidential business information. This is the same man who at one point said that we’re friends but I never acknowledged because I’ve always questioned his intentions and I wondered if he knew what true friendship is.
I took my chance of telling a secret because I never considered them as my friends. I was very objective in my thought. She was living with a man who continuously cheats her and he doesn’t acknowledge the sanctity of their marriage. I was wrong for mendling but was never regretful for speaking the truth. I just let it go now since it’s the past, my actions have consequences and I hoped it is more for the good.
I have always lived by “The truth will set you free.” I would always love a person who tells me the truth, even if it’s painful. I will always tell my friends the truth because I know I won’t be judged and condemned. I love my friends because I can be me.
In Aphorism, Article on June 8, 2015 at 12:51 PM
The world spins in madness unless a man chooses to live in consciousness. -Yor Ryeter
I have done something I do not regret. I don’t know where the courage came from to have done it but I relied that it was the right thing to do though painful. It has two faces, telling the truth yet breaking a trust. I was convinced that I was helping to relieved an agony of the unknown to be able to cure a wound that has been deliberately neglected because of fear.
The man who committed a mistake and who I broke his trust hated me. The woman I freed from her incessant longing for truth betrayed me. Now I wonder what does this teach me when the man who hated me threat to harm me for my decision.
I learn that accusations especially when false should not affect me. It was the first time that I have understood that what a person judged others could actually be a true reflection of his own. I am being condemned and yet instead of fighting back and devising a way to get back, I surrender on my knees that he realises what’s worth fighting for.
I meddled because no honest man deserves to be treated with disrespect when there might possibly be a way to cease the piling lies. And yet a man who is jealous and in pain could still betray a friend; but is it a waste if the value of honesty was upholded?
I am sorry if I have started havoc but I am not apologetic for being truthful to the right person who needs answer. I told friends and family of my challenge and they advised that I stay away from these people, and I understand their concern, but I know in my heart that I wish them peace, courage, kindness, and may the true love within them outweigh the challenges that they face so not to succumb to being fearful, deceitful, and mad as an immediate action.
In Article on May 31, 2015 at 11:11 PM
A wife called me today to ask some details about her cheating husband. It bothers me that she’s asking for details that has happened on February when on April her husband told me he’s working out their relationship and today is the last day of May. I’m no expert but I don’t want her to suffer pain for something that has been done way back and they were supposed to be fixing things.
I met a psychologist a few months back and she said I couldn’t do couples therapy because I am not married; that’s probably right because in my opinion right now, I see things objectively, and even worse what I seemed to think as the “ideal way”. It’s going to be hard to keep up with me. The only basis that I have for marriage is supposedly being a secretary to a boss who values my opinion (even if he doesn’t always admits) and who I treat as my equal (he paid me yes but I have the freedom and respect for myself that I will still disagree and agree accordingly to what the circumstance require).
It is starting to raise question in me that if I will really marry someone what will my smart mind and loving heart do to keep the marriage filled with DESIRE. I will never give my husband-to-be and the wife-to-be-me to be ever be fallen into the trap of infidelity especially after hearing Esther Perel spoke about happy couple may still cheat. I will find a partner who will be mature and enjoy an intimate relationship and healthy partnership with me.
No one deserves to be cheated, it’s unfair, it’s disrespectful, and it’s breaking someone’s heart and that’s painful. It’s another way of creating problem without addressing the real problem. May couples around the world sort out their problems and have a blissful life together.
In Article on May 21, 2015 at 9:18 PM
How many chances do you give to another person? I know God was way too gracious that He has given me million of chances to be forgiven, so do I have to do the same to someone?
My opinion is people has to live to grow better for as long as they live. I have a former boss and I felt like I am no longer learning from him and that I have given all I have that the only way for me to move forward in my personal life is to move myself out of his company. I told him that he needs to be more inspiring and do good because I honestly couldn’t find a good reason to go back and yet he pursues until now that I should work for him again. I couldn’t blame him, he has seen me dedicated with my work and love the company as my own; I even felt like I cared for the company more than he did, which eventually pushed me to leave it once and for all, as I no longer rave for my leader.
He said he has changed and I could tell him what do I want him to do to prove it just so that I will go back. I wasn’t sure he has changed for the better. I wasn’t sure it is even right that I ask him to prove anything at this point. He did ask that why don’t I try again and see for myself and yet just the thought of going back to the company bring back the stress and hurt. I am scared to repeat everything and yet the hopeful part of my mind is challenging me to be more courageous, that I should be better than that, to give him a chance that I believe he has changed.
I like to comfort myself that he is capable of managing the company without me. Of course he can do it even if he does believed we built it together. He was saying I left the child that couldn’t even walk on its own and I really believed that if I don’t leave, that brain child company would ceased to live, because it will lose its father; yeah he was the father and I was the mother and we have a child that needed love, love that should essentially come not from a dispensable mother but from its own everlasting owner and father.
When the trust got lost along the way and there was cheating involved, I do question a person’s integrity. I know people change, I know that I forgive him, but can a business relationship really start once again from a clean slate? I know that I am not going to last in that company as I have a different track to pursue, so I do not see the point of going back? I am hesitant even if I think I will be doing him a favour to boost his confidence that someone like me who he looks up for validation believed him. He lies a lot to so many people, in different occasions just to get what he wants, I couldn’t take my mind off that this isn’t one of them.
How do you test a man if he doesn’t lie anymore? Is it worth it for me at this point? I am not his guardian angel. He’s a grown man and he should be well aware to distinguish what’s bad from what’s the right thing to do even if it’s difficult. Is this really one of my purpose on this earth, to support him? Do I need to be kind knowing that he needed me more than I need him right now?
I am torn because as much as I don’t want to admit I love him and the company.
In Article on March 17, 2015 at 10:33 AM
I am in awe that every human being is capable of “creating,” be “God-like”.
I have been lounging a lot lately, no complains, but this morning I was thinking what will surprise me today. I have been checking and shamelessly posting a lot too (sign that I am not busy at all) at various social media. I was locking myself at home and it was my redemption from boredom and solitude to have a peek of the world. Surprisingly enough, I found a good article to read – 10 Behaviors of Genuine People by Steve Tobak. He inspired this post because I was happy to read a sensible write-up, he was pertaining to a really good point that it is rare to find genuine people even in ourselves and we should all strive to be one.
Ah honesty, they fear you due to ultimate cowardliness.
I drove this morning and 2 cars at different roads blew their horns on me! No accidents there but seriously, where is the love? It was early in the morning, I gave a proper signal, I may be a Mini Cooper (small vehicle) but I drive quite fast, Charlie (our car’s name) roar and run like a race car!! Actually I was a bit close and furious; I guess that’s what happened for a gal looking for an excitement.
Going back to Tobak, I emailed him to tell him that his article was impressive. I hope this post is another good creation for sharing his amazing ideas to the rest.
What have you created today?
In Article on March 5, 2015 at 1:45 AM
What is the truth? Does truth really changes as people change? Or until a person stripped off the fear then he tells the truth? Or was it the big ego covering it up to begin with so the truth then and the truth without the ego are the same truth?
I like honesty, I uphold honesty. I wanted to build my own business because I wanted to stop lying to people. I want to serve people with the truth. I want to inspire people to have the courage and be truthful.
I would rather be hurt by the truth than believing and getting cozy with a lie.
Truth sets people free. There is really no better way to live our life but to honour the truth. There is never a blurry line, it is either the truth or a lie. The truth is pure and beautiful.
Why do we fear being embarrassed? Why do we fear being left out? Why do we fear being different? Why do we fear being scold at? Why do we want to get ahead with cheating? Why do we sacrifice the truth than taking responsibility and outshining our shy selves?
I was never perfect. There were times that I got scared too in the past; but as I grow and I live, there is nothing more delicious than to be vulnerable and only speak the truth; and I wouldn’t be apologetic. My biggest challenge right now is voicing out the truth to those who are ready to listen because I wouldn’t waste my effort, time, and energy to keep telling the truth to somebody who would only want to hear what he wanted to hear. From now on, I should still voice it out, unapologetically.
In Journal on May 16, 2014 at 4:35 PM
I like doing things in order, if you have been hanging out here, quietly reading through my life’s mumbling, you would recognised that I ultimately follow a post a day; but the reality hits me that I got to set some priorities and left the leisure blogging on the side. Hold up! Did I just say leisure or it’s pouring my soul into words?
I have promised but now I am being smart and convenient that instead of working out the logistics I am enjoying the ride and post as many as I can in a day in real time without cheating of back tracking dates. Okay, I got to be honest that I have been slacking for months because I have chosen a battle – perfection at my job that pays the bill to pay for my monthly internet connection at home or the thought of do the things that I have to do to do what I really want to do.
I am reading the book “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield and the resistance devil could be rejoicing that I am abandoning routine. I may be abandoning my promise of daily but I am still committed to completing my 10,000 posts and the next and the next. I have accepted the reality that blogging should not feel like pressure and task; a part of routine. It is my voice for art, expression of creativity, and an outlet for my exceedingly loud voice in the head into concrete digital writing. Is it in the brink of abandonment or just the mind trick that I do that discipline will have a new definition for my blogging? I better be sure I shall have a post in each week or I would be kidding myself and my muse will leave me completely.