In Journal on April 21, 2017 at 4:56 PM
Change is difficult but it is important to step outside my comfort zone to see progress. A life without progress was the feeling of death due to depression.
I am so grateful that I can afford it so I signed up for gym membership and a personal trainer and it is changing my life positively.
I never like exercise but my right working mind knows that my body needs it. It is futile for me to go to the gym without signing up for a guide otherwise I would just end up messy without doing the exercise correctly, I needed professional help. I also need somebody to boost my confidence that I am doing something right (regardless that he is paid to do so).
I have always thought that my body will always have a fat limit, always comfortable saying, ‘This is the fattest that I have ever been’; only to notice that every year I get heavier as I age. I kept eating unhealthy food, I LOVE RICE, and I wasn’t moving. I couldn’t fool myself that I have my limit because my weight kept increasing, my belly looked like a nine-month pregnant or carrying a beer belly like my dad did (yet I don’t even like beer), I now have food allergies, and worst depressed with life although I conceal it.
I have been going to the gym as much as possible three times a week. I usually go home sore in various body parts but I feel really happy. Every time I sweat profusely at the gym, it feels like shedding off my bad voodoos away. I am automatically also conscious about what I eat now and really paying attention to my trainer who knows best except counting the calories of all food intake, I still don’t want to learn that.
My tummy is now smaller than it used to be. My happiness level is genuine and moving uphill. My energy is not 100% strong but I have that inner glow to appreciate the beautiful, to be very hopeful that life is freakishly amazing, and the will power to make things happen. Was all these a result of the gym, maybe not, but it is one heck of a great starting point for a positive life. Go and exercise, not necessarily for weight loss, but think to live a ‘healthy life’.
Photo Source: Business Insider
In Journal on January 18, 2017 at 10:03 AM
My latest lesson is about love.
I started from listening to Mandy Len Catron’s TED talk about “A better way to talk about love.” People are used to the notion that falling in love is getting mad and crazy; so she shared a better metaphor, which is “Love is a collaborative work of art.” This then allows men to decide what love would looks like.
The movie Inferno (2016) shared interesting lines about love: “Love awakens the soul to act,” spoken by Bertrand Zobrist. This line puzzled me as I seem to have a sleeping soul, pausing and not in action. Do I know what really love is?
So I always go back to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, that makes a great sense as my guide:
does not envy
does not boast
is not proud
does not dishonor others
is not self-seeking
is not easily angered
keeps no record of wrong
does not delight in evil
rejoices with the truth
How about you, what is your definition of love?
In Article, Journal on January 17, 2017 at 12:09 AM
Today, I finally understood that not knowing the answer is enough to let matters go. I finally accepted it without resistance.
I finally see these statements more clearly –
- Let go of what you cannot control.
- It doesn’t have to have a reason.
- It is not my place to know if it is meant to be.
- I don’t need to be right.
I’ve always insisted that everything must have a form. Every thing, every one including me can be judged.
No wonder The Monk Hakuin with an encounter with a villager’s baby was at peace and says is that so. Paul Schubert was right to observe that the monk had responded appropriately, to respond to the moment of what’s best. The baby needed someone to care for it regardless of how the people tainted his reputation or the accusation is untrue. What a great way to live and it will eliminate all the dramas of my ego.
I am here and I will give my best. I cannot explain nor answer the rushing questions of why it happened, why it didn’t happen, and it is okay. I am alive and I will respond with effort and love.
I don’t know and it is so.
Photo credit: Monk with Bowl by Min Wae Aung
In Journal on January 15, 2017 at 9:45 PM
There was a time in my life that I live in an apartment with mice. The place was so small that one night, one crawled on me, and I never had a peaceful night ever again. At that time, I was working in a company that is in a brink of bankruptcy and it couldn’t pay me my salary.
Few years back, I quit my job with credit card debt, a bank loan to pay, and I have to be dependent on my sisters for about 7 months. I tried to sell my valuables and approached people I know who I don’t normally ask for personal loan. No one ever lend me any money but I was able to count on my sisters, and no one else. At that point, I promised to myself that I will never be in that position again, begging for money.
My parents were great. They were hard working and provided for my sisters and I until the business didn’t work out anymore. I never have to work and study, I just have to study and they work. As the business crashed, so is their relationship as a couple, and I even wondered if will I grow up to be like my mother? Strong, resourceful, but believed that to save her daughters she committed adultery. Without my mother’s effort, I wouldn’t be in Dubai right now with a comfortable life.
It is good to remember that life was never easy and I will never go back in time to change it. Why would I bother to go back if I have this very moment to make the best choice? How can I not be grateful when I now sleep on my own bed when I used to sleep on the floor with a mattress? How can I not be grateful if I am paid with an on time salary?
I can only be grateful and to pray too that I remain focused and courageous to be loving and creative.
In Journal on January 15, 2017 at 8:48 PM
I used to think why do I practice for a school performance? I do it over and over again until the day of the presentation and then it’s done and I move on to the next project. Why all those efforts for the sake of perfection? Isn’t perfection really not the goal in life?
I’ve observed that other people’s pain and vulnerabilities when shared to the public is able to help especially when they’ve overcome their challenges. They even get very famous and very wealthy for being courageous and succeed multiple adversities. Effort to keep going forward is one of the keys.
I try to reflect. I did have my journey, a struggle, then I surpassed, and I felt proud and contented. I am not in my current struggle of being lost and I have to find my way to be the hero of my own story not at the expense of somebody else to blame, among other things of fighting unfairly. I need to find my voice but I have to be ready to build an inspiring story to tell. I am to honor the creativity as my gift.
I have to put a stop of my self-doubt and lack of confidence. I am only hurting myself. Make a plan and proceed to keep winning with great ideas and spreading love. I am not alone with this, I will never be. I can do this.
In Question on January 15, 2017 at 7:50 PM
I wonder why do I have dreams. Is it a language of my subconscious speaking to me when it got my full attention? Full attention meaning whenever I close my eyes then I am alone inside my mind.
Why do they come in symbols that needs to be decoded? Why does my dreams translate in steno and I couldn’t understand it on my own unless I try to consult to an almost reliable online dream dictionary? Is it because my subconscious is connected with my soul that have higher understanding that my intelligence won’t be able to simply grasp?
Are my dreams really suppressed emotions or an awakening revelation of my life’s journey? I am fascinated that I kept dreaming about my dead parents. What are they trying to say? Or is it my own self trying to teach myself to learn from the past? Have I not learned to let go?
Indeed, my current mystery!
In List on January 11, 2017 at 10:32 PM
There’s a fluke hanging around me this past few days, I do have lots of work at the office but I couldn’t find the energy, let me scrap that, I couldn’t find the enthusiasm not just with work but of life too. I don’t feel fulfilled, I find little joy, and I couldn’t see the future. I know the future is not important but it is practical to be ready for it.
My inner soul is screaming for a more challenge, a more meaningful endeavor to use my gifts, and I don’t know exactly how to proceed. To kill the boredom, I listed what skills would I be interested to learn, habit to establish, and what dreams to fulfill:
- Keep reading books
- Creative at graphic design
- Bright at writing copy
- Read, write, and speak Arabic
- Speak Mandarin
- Read and write Chinese
- Interpret body language
- Eloquent English speaker
- Great English writer
- Smart programming
- Enjoy plant based food
- Exercise daily by doing yoga
- Memorable annual foreign vacation trip
- Write best-selling books
- Extremely wealthy to the point of able to help other than myself
- Read palms
After writing all those down, my bored self suddenly shut up. My beautiful soul spoked with a bulb all bright and lit up, “So baby steps, get going, do all of them.” The thrill is how many will I cross out before I die and I don’t have room for not wanting to live.
In Article on January 10, 2017 at 6:13 AM
If I choose to, I know that I can be happy all the time, but the truth is happiness is not the ultimate goal in life. It’s not because I will now entertain the opposite of to be unhappy but I just finally accepted that there are important moments in life in which “being happy” is not the right emotion.
As a healthy human being I need to grief, to be calm (not beaming with fake smile) and accept circumstance that is out of my control, or be angry and passionate to defend what’s not right.
If I am to be consistent of what I will do in life, then I believe I would exercise the following:
- Love – Unleash the love that I am made of and recognize the love of others expressed in their own special way as I do too.
- Unique – It is easier to live with others when I find a connection of what we authentically like in common but I also have to accept that no matter how I would insist, each has its own path, a unique calling I may possibly never understand.
- Pain – I will get hurt and whether it was a divine plan, divine intervention, or a product of my error, it will teach me a lesson to get better. It is not easy but it is not impossible to heal.
- Growth – What is life without growth? It is going to be a sad boring repetitive life like a zombie existing but no longer productively contributing to make the world better than it was found. To watch myself bloom is beautiful.
- Accomplish – To challenge myself in setting goals of learning new skills and traverse the uncomfortable and commit to complete a project or abandon when the pure wisdom agrees not because of fear.
- Relationship – Unless it is meaningful then move on to find where I could have a meaningful relationship with somebody. I will never be able to live alone, I need to connect with people, otherwise it will be lonely and I die young.
- Attitude – Positive attitude doesn’t necessarily mean being happy, I believe it is being hopeful and not a downer that shoots down the good vibe.
- Intention – What I personally intent is what matters and I aim that it will always be good and not undermine another for my benefit.
- Acceptance – To say yes that not all things are under my control and it is okay and let life be.
- Grateful – There are so many miracles that happen all the time, the blessings are pouring in, the bare fact that I am breathing and woke up this morning, I am a hero of my own story and I have a journey to take on.
In Journal on January 9, 2017 at 11:52 PM
I am not overly dramatic but miracles happened every time visible on circumstance that couldn’t be explained. It might not even be obvious in the beginning but how could the mere human understanding could known.
Vegetables are not naturally the type of food products that I will immediately chose but sudden eruption of food allergies forced me to. I have shopped for my current favorite root products and it gave me peace of mind and joy when I was looking at it tonight and cooked myself a simple dish. Simple but made me thankful or my body was shouting with so much joy for feeding it with the right stuffs.
Being present and observant get me grateful, now that’s something.
In Article, Journal on January 8, 2017 at 10:55 PM
Merriam Webster Dictionary defines Self-preservation as a natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one’s own existence.
It is a survival mechanism and the theme of a lot of movies especially when it involved a battle in whatever form. It is the ultimate bottom line reason of Victoria Grayson in the hit TV show Revenge.
It is very tempting to save face, to point the blame to someone, or to justify why I deserve more power, wealth, and fame than any body else or worst at the expense of someone.
Is selfless the antidote of the negative connotation of self-preservation? It could be, if selfless is done not because of self-inflicting suffering but to have honorary sacrifice. To devote oneself for the greater good and to spark a positive change just like the inspiration the great noble men have left us.