[1: 1,706 of 10,000] They Ended Their Marriage

I knew a couple who are sort of a celebrity and I follow a Facebook account that they both managed. For sometime, I wasn’t following the group, so I was a bit surprised to find out that they broke up.

I was happy that they were in love and seemed to have a happy marriage; so I was in shock to find out that they separated. I just couldn’t believe it that it ended. Of course I don’t know the reason and it is not my business to ask, but it made me sad to find that news.

I have always thought of marriage as forever but being 35 I now tend to entertain the idea that like any other relationship, people can outgrow somebody, or to move on there are just someone we got to leave behind.

My two younger sisters are not talking with each other because our youngest sister decided it wasn’t worth continuing a relationship anymore. I couldn’t understand that, I almost don’t like to accept that fact especially that we used to be very tight. I wanted my youngest sister to realise that our middle sister made her choice, it is her life, and so what if we don’t agree who she married. I don’t like to try and mend them together, maybe the walls will break later on, maybe it is all right that they no longer talk.

May we have the courage to be loving of ourselves and extend further to others.

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[1: 1,620 of 10,000] Be Around People You Want To Love

My mother was right that I should stay away from a man who I don’t want to fall in love with. I’ve been doing that all my life, I kept running away and disassociating myself from people who I know in my heart that I don’t want to be ending up with.

I was obsessing for a wrong man awhile back, I am fascinated about his strong suits and weaknesses. I am not even the woman who thinks I can change him, I know I wouldn’t and I don’t care that I should because he’s not the man who I want to marry; and yet I couldn’t stop fantasising about him. Then the bond got broken in an instant, and I no longer see him nor talk to him, it’s been 4 months since his last SMS to me with “Damn you!” At that instant, I said to myself that the end has been reached. If you’re curious, I’ve deleted the message, it no longer have a space in my life. I don’t need negativity lurking around.

It was a painful end but it has to be that way to simply cut the relationship that is not fruitful for everyone involved. I am at peace, and everything that I thought was connected to him a few months back are simply fading away naturally. It is freeing to let go of things that is too heavy to carry around.

Right now, I am starting all over with my relationship and I am making sure I don’t fall in my own trap again. Don’t cross the line that I will later amend. Focus on the good stuffs like creating beautiful things out of my talents. Make a change in the world by starting with a good intention. Then as Elizabeth Gilbert famously share with everyone, onward.

I am intentionally learning to fall in love with myself. I care for it like no one else will, well except God who can’t be matched by any man. I shall care for myself until I could recognise the man who sees my inner and outer beauty; but until then I am enjoying myself. No pressure there.

[1: 1,596 of 10,000] Husband And Kids Yor?

Is husband and kids something that I should think about next? I managed to get the best job I’ve ever had so now is meeting a life partner would be my new mission? And eventually leading to having children and calling our team a ‘family’.

Being in a romantic relationship is something I’ve never tried in my life. I feel like I am saving my commitment to the person where we are right for one another. I am scared because I grew up seeing broken relationships and filled with infidelity. I wanted mine to be growing, happy, and loving. It doesn’t have to be perfect in the eyes of others, as long as it is perfect for both of us and more importantly blessed by God.

1. No. 1 in my list is recognises and lives with God’s love.
2. It is not too much to ask that I needed him to be faithful as I would be.
3. Have strong and amazing values that would enrich our relationship.
4. Serves the world with a purpose and so good at it.
5. We’re in love.

I’m not a child anymore and I’m offering this thought to God. Whether I marry or not, I will serve God with all that I have. Is it worth spreading my genes to the world? My heart says definitely. God did good guiding me all through this years, and not without cringing and shaking his head for a lot of times.

Yor is a work in progress and so is my future husband. We’ll meet at the right time when we’re both ready.

[1: 1,563 of 10,000] Friendship? Friendship!

 

Friendship!

It is true that I accept my friends for who they are.

I have a couple friend, and I was friend with the wife first. I admire both their kindness and love for one another. Although I know my dearest friend’s secret. She cheated on her husband, and I never dare told the husband, because I was thinking she will soon find the courage to admit it. True enough, there was a right time, and he forgave her.

Friendship?

Friendship is not build in a few days through online chatting. It takes years of loving and caring one another until it reaches the point of accepting everything for who they are. You never question someone’s intentions if it’s a real friendship because you would always know it comes from a good place.

My ex-boss’s wife said that she has no friend and lure me if we can be friends. Later, she was very interested to find out if her husband, my ex-boss, was cheating on her sometime ago. Oh and clarified if I was also having an affair with her husband too!

I said yes that he was having an affair and no for not having an affair with him. How will I have an affair with a man who is cheating on his wife? What am I, a second mistress? Do I accept the deception and disrespect? My ex-boss was furious at me to the point of threatening that he’ll go to the police and my crime is for divulging confidential business information. This is the same man who at one point said that we’re friends but I never acknowledged because I’ve always questioned his intentions and I wondered if he knew what true friendship is.

I took my chance of telling a secret because I never considered them as my friends. I was very objective in my thought. She was living with a man who continuously cheats her and he doesn’t acknowledge the sanctity of their marriage. I was wrong for mendling but was never regretful for speaking the truth. I just let it go now since it’s the past, my actions have consequences and I hoped it is more for the good.

Truth

I have always lived by “The truth will set you free.” I would always love a person who tells me the truth, even if it’s painful. I will always tell my friends the truth because I know I won’t be judged and condemned. I love my friends because I can be me.

 

[1: 1,416 of 10,000] I Miss You

I have been hearing those 3 words from 1 particular person a lot lately even uttered in a controlled pretend sobs; and I am quite at peace that I don’t find a bit of inclination to reply positively, it is not arrogance, I searched my heart but I really couldn’t say “I miss you too,” because I genuinely don’t.

It’s funny how he says those words when he knew the reason why I left, it was all because of his choices. I told him I didn’t agree of what he believed, but he hid things and I truly felt he pushed me away. It’s lunacy that he misses me. He shouldn’t have the right and the dignity to miss someone he was willing to let go in the first place. If he begged that I’d stay, I probably won’t, because staying in his company was enduring breathless moments and struggling dramatic episodes. I got to admit it was a wrong relationship to begin with, it was odd, there were different expectations, and it could never work.

I probably moved on and this is probably the last post about this man whom my heart had adored for years, okay just 2 years. He continuously say he misses me but never about wanting me back and I like that. He knew that it ended. He said he never gave me a proper good bye, maybe that’s what’s bothering him; in all honesty I don’t need it but maybe for his peace he needs it, to convince himself that he made a good decision for himself.

LOL! I just really don’t care anymore.

[1: 1,378 of 10,000] Brave Heart

I laid my heart open

Naked

Vulnerable

Suddenly you cared

It grows

Sparkled

Then you step on it

Break it

Hurt it

I left

I recovered

Smiled again

And let my heart open

Taking chances

Being brave

 

 

[1: 1,248 of 10,000] A Friend

We all hold an important gem that makes us happy and worthy. We need someone to vindicate our actions when we’re unsure. I do carefully pick the people I will consider my friend because I’d like to be committed to the friendship.

I am starting to immerse myself. I am trying to understand others without losing love from my heart. I am losing the expectations and just let life flow.

It is about time I accept people to shake my life into something new and beautiful.

[1: 1,018 of 10,000] My Innermost Fear

He wanted in to my life but I am so afraid that if I let him I will fall in love all over again. I don’t know what he’s thinking but my gut feeling says he’s trying to lure me – all for his advantage.

I can’t let it happen because I wanted to be in control; to be fooled will never be an option and yet restraining myself to this closeness just left me in a loop of drama.

My heart gently sways with the quiet room. I am wishing for a real good dream to happen where fantasy could comfort my shouting urges. I wanted to escape my fear that blatantly hunts me in the face.

I don’t understand what this state explains. I don’t know if it will ever have a special purpose or a good reason eventually. I drown myself with the music that plays in my head, without a direction, just moving and living.

[1: 971 of 10,000] Big Heart, Big Love

My love for you overlooks your weight

I see a big heart with a cozy hug

A food enthusiast who is never fat

It could be my own muffin tummy that understands

We can share our thoughts on a chocolate or vanilla cake

Without the hesitation to stop munching

We sleep at night with a smile

No guilt on what transpired on the table

It is not always about how much delectable were consumed

It is the company, the conversation, the delight

The appreciation for a chef who prepared a beautiful thing on a plate

Out of skills, out of art and out of love

[1: 916 of 10,000] Is Fighting The Real Start of a Normal Relationship?

Is fighting the real start of a normal relationship? If it is, I don’t want a normal one.

I don’t like the feeling of getting annoyed and pissing one another. It is unpleasant, it invites negative energy, and I am putting an end to this crazy cosmic vibe! I really can’t believe that I am in that place, the former charming relationship is now turning to a crazy dog fight and insult. Argh!

I still don’t know how to handle this situation but I am glad weekend is here. I can think. I can restart. Or today I shall start with saying less and be more intuitive. I could blame the hyper mode caused by drinking Coke Light for two consecutive nights. Now it’s the coke? Argh!