Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Sadness’

[1: 1,873 of 10,000] My Wake Up Call Is A DEVIL Tarot Card

In Journal on April 1, 2017 at 4:22 PM

the_devil

I was down… drowning.

Emotionally that I have thought repeatedly of being dead is better but I know I will never attempt suicide and I didn’t have to because I live each day without peace and it is as good as dead. I am drained even at work for being unable to excel, tensed to achieve perfection at all times, and got undermined.

Physically because I am gaining weight slowly but surely, last year my food allergy got revealed from poultry, egg, and seafoods – imagine all seafoods, including maki’s nori. I miss my fried chicken and my Japanese food.

I am lonely.

I long for someone to hug me and I don’t get it anywhere. I know that I have to completely love me before I go looking for someone to do that or it’s an absolute disaster. I know God loves me but I couldn’t connect with Him because I am not making any positive change.

I like to peek the future. I like to look forward to a good news. I went to see a tarot card reader and she was blatant that everything looks well except for a ‘dark’ one blocking everything. She reminded me to be grateful but in my head I am but it just doesn’t feel light. I do sense a block. My world was shaken up when the ‘devil’ card appeared. Am I Dexter now with my own type of ‘dark passenger’?

As soon as I left the tarot card reader, I decided that I am not going to be defeated by a devil or my own silliness of thinking that I am better than everyone else or I am too bad than everyone else. I am going to make my life beautiful.

Right now, I smile, a good one.

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[1: 1,807 of 10,000] Controlling The Past Thoughts

In Journal on November 18, 2016 at 11:27 PM

storm-on-the-sea-of-galil-002

It is terrible that I am letting my past comes rushing through my daily thoughts and even paralysing me. I am a fraud that I no longer live with integrity but my anxiety and laziness win. I am afraid and I need to pull out hope and be strong to live a beautiful and successful life.

I am drunk of claiming glory and it weakens me when I don’t know how to achieve it. My heart is in it but my compass doesn’t follow.

I thank God for the words that I am able to compose together, because through it, I see the glimpse of holiness and love. Thank you that I am not totally left alone in the dark without seeing the brightest stars. It is not over…

[1: 1,699 of 10,000] Whispering Truths

In Poem on April 22, 2016 at 12:06 AM

Darkness

I can truly see you for who you are
Sometimes I judge
But most of the time I force myself to let it be
I don’t love you enough to call you of your name

My reflections blinds me
I do not want to see my own darkness
The demon thoughts creeps my very being
I don’t want that to last

May the silence of the night
The calmness of the dawn
Vanish away my fears
So I may move along

Another day with bright smiles
Hope for everlasting joy
Departure from despairs
Forevermore I grow

 

[1: 1,452 of 10,000] Is That My Tears’ Purpose?

In Article on April 30, 2015 at 5:37 PM

Life seeks balance. There is life and so is death. Choose to be sad or happy. Shall you laugh or cry?

Tearing UpI break into tears too easily. It’s either I have a very sensitive feeling or my heart turns into marshmallow. I once burst into tears in the office and my main concern is wasting too much tissue paper (hence killing trees faster) or the repercussion of possibly having a headache after the deed. I get really emotional during my period although even on normal days some memories and thoughts trigger me to sob. I try my best not to let anyone see my tears in public like somewhere in the middle of a mall or in a coffee shop.

I read this today: “A 2011 Israeli study published in the journal Science found that female tears contain an odorless chemical that appears to reduce testosterone levels in men; high levels of testosterone are associated with aggression, so one function of women’s tears, it seems, could be to stop men who are on the attack.” (Source: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Stop-Crying-Controlling-Your-Emotions#ixzz3YlGPKBFm) One particular person is capable of making me cry, he is a very aggressive man, so now I wonder, was I meant to exist to calm him down? Was that my purpose at all right now? It just couldn’t be.

They are usually sad tears. Why do I have so much sadness in my heart provided I do have so much to be grateful for? Was that a balance inside me too so I’ll be more emphatic? I’ll figure it out soon. 😉

[1: 1,442 of 10,000] Trust Instead Of Worry

In Journal on April 20, 2015 at 4:50 PM

flying woman

I’m psyching myself to TRUST the good and everything will be all right instead of worrying. But TRUST isn’t the last thing I have to keep in mind, I have to do something now to not worry. If I’m planning to sleep the whole day again without making anything beneficial that would change my status; then I could go ahead and worry my whole life.

I finally understood why I started to become stagnant, I was too busy focusing on where I got hurt instead of focusing that if I keep doing the good thing, no matter what my own fear is insisting, I will arrive to my destination sooner, well better than the current sleazy couch potato. I am not lazy but simply not motivated enough. Although not entirely hard on myself, I have been having strange sleeping patterns, so whenever I get the chance that sleep calls on me, I give in, I do know that there were so many nights that I need to catch up!

I got up this morning, rested from a good night sleep, and I am telling myself, if I wanted to be miserable, I could kill myself now. Funny thing is I know I don’t know when will I die, I certainly find the lunacy or even the cowardice to kill myself… I just know that every time I go to bed at night, I will wake up the following day and I do hope that I get to live and I choose to kick-ass.

I no longer want to go to bed thinking I have regrets, that I have not fully lived my life and I came short. I will not let my sorry-ass rule my mind and control my soul to oblivion. It’s a new Monday morning, it’s a marvellous day to shake things up! Not to dwell on the pass, but living now!

Words are easier to type but if you could hear my heart that is about to burst into sobs again, you’ll find it sad. I know that I no longer have time for sad, I do however should entertain challenge. I let myself cry but after awhile I get sick of my crying self and I must eventually surrender to a glass of water, calming myself, forgive myself and say it’s time to get those hands dirty.

[1: 1,060 of 10,000] Walk With Me

In Poem on June 22, 2013 at 8:02 AM

I walk in the darkness
With desperate hope for light at the end
I scat myself with emptiness
But emptiness haunts like sky’s gloom

I cry out in prayer
Tears running through my cheeks
I beg for wisdom and mercy
I need reason why do I still exist

Walk with me
Hold my hand
Carry me away
Before I lose it all