Yor Ryeter

Posts Tagged ‘Suicide’

[1: 1,905 of 10,000] Can I End It All?

In Journal on June 9, 2018 at 9:14 PM

Have you been following the news that Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain took their lives? I love Kate Spade items… I’ve owned her products because they are not very expensive but really pretty. I knew Anthony from sissy when she watched some episodes of The Layover which I now started to watch and finished Season 2 and he had a very interesting take on things from food, culture, hotel, and things to do in a place.

Last week, I was really in a bad place, having my buttons pushed from work. I feel disrespected and called lazy in a very subtle way. Some of it is true and I simply snapped and cave into my fight mode and ran repulsive feelings of I don’t need this job, I would rather quit and start my own thing, who the hell he thinks he is, and I was so frustrated that I’d rather die and quit life altogether. I know everything that I am saying is just me giving up instead of finding solutions to make things work the best way. I hear the things that are hurting myself. I’m glad my sissy talked to me, cried my heart out, then sleep, and enjoyed the weekend of doing the things that I love – nothing (lazy huh?) actually watching movies that made me feel better and listening to positive messages.

It feels easy to stop the pain by thinking if I die then all these sufferings will end but I am learning that life with God isn’t supposed to be that way. It was my hurt ego that was convulsing to the fact that my credentials and capabilities are being questioned. This is my chance to grow and after all the soul searching I found my peace and ready to go to work tomorrow with a fresh perspective and NO NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. It is also starting to push me to refocus and live towards the life that I wanted – travel, write, run a business empire, enjoy adventures with family and friends, and do things to make this world a better place than I found it.