In Journal on October 20, 2014 at 5:37 AM
There are people who affects our lives too much that we let them dig into our minds and totally mess up our positivity.
There are times that my spirit cannot hold on to something strong that I vanish to oblivion.
I let self pity to take charge, I give in to sulking like I got robbed of a doll, or I let frustration and anger take control.
Those were the moments that I wanted to hide, and hopefully for those brief moments I get cradled like a baby.
But I am an adult, I am expected to be strong, independent, reliable, and when I grew weak, too vulnerable, all I can do is cry and wishing the bad feeling goes away.
The ultimate goal is to be at peace and joyful. I got to learn to ACCEPT that in imperfections and failures, I could easily recognised the magnificent and worthy. Or better yet as Jack Gilbert insisted, of all those times that we need to be a stubborn adult, it is when we needed to defend our joy amidst the crazy world.
In Journal on October 18, 2014 at 9:55 AM
Bo Sanchez was one of the people I looked up to for wisdom from his selfless works and strong faith to God. He made a prayer and he said everything isn’t his but of God, he was just anointed to manage it. At that moment, I was too arrogant to not only comprehend but accept. I try to ask, God if all these are yours, where is me in it, then He answered me with Eckhart’s book that I was giving in to my CRAZY EGO!
I am a piece of so many things but every fibre of my being was carefully woven by His power, love, and perfect plan to give me the freedom and yet walking side by side with me and everything in between. In Oprah’s interview with Paulo Coelho, he said he might not have written the Alchemist at all, but it could be from someone higher. Divine interventions, miracles, are there to help us when we are open and seek for assistance, it is there to inspire us to strive or create something magnificent.
Now I am grateful and I accept that what God has given, He can take it away but He never leave me empty handed, He makes sure I am equipped with everything I need for my life’s battle; so do I need to be arrogant; absolutely not.
In Journal on October 18, 2014 at 3:15 AM
I wanted to be loved by the right man.
How do I make myself loveable? Wrong question. I got to treat myself and love myself the way I wanted to be loved. My goal for 2014 is be the woman I would fall in love with, I got barely 3 months to do it so every single day counts because I am welcoming 2015 with grace, elegance, radiance, beauty – yeah the pageant like seems calculated but really isn’t, but I don’t want to be the best friend of all winning the congeniality, I wanted to be the crown holder.
- I would treat myself like a princess. Delicate, paved, and revered.
- I will give myself a compliment. Endearingly accept, live, believe.
- I will be nice, polite, charming, a blessing for anyone who comes across me.
- I am centered, focused, open for the magic enveloping me.
- I will be calm, smile, composed, and warm at all times.
- I will listen to my heart, answer to my call, and passionately and struggle to emerge as a hero from the battle of my life.
- I will dance for every beat and melody, feeling how my bones and muscles moves with the grooves.
- I will praise my creator, to cherish all His endless love, and honour Him with every time I live with the present.
- I will enjoy the life that I see, appreciate the good and learn from the beautiful mistakes, and to be always grateful.
- I will be whole and ready to expand even more.
I love every inch of my being, its longing, desires, and every bits of joy and enthusiasm stirred when my spirit gets awakened.