In Poem on October 31, 2014 at 5:46 AM
I usually have so much to say.
They may be rushed but insightful. Honest. Ruthless.
Am I still mourning with my realisations?
Or my heart’s silence is learning and living how to be calm.
Or just sad.
I can grieve. For a while. No, properly.
Feel something painful and then let go.
Then my journey starts again.
This time more sure of the things I will ignore.
More focused on the things I shall look forward to.
Determined to what is important for my being.
My health. My spirit.
In Journal on October 30, 2014 at 6:28 AM
There is something about the age 34 that I used to get so fascinated to; initially I was attracted to men with that age that I don’t even mind from what nationality they are from or how many hairs do they have trying to hold on to their heads, all I knew being 34 seems immensely interesting. I was quite excited when I hit 34, I keep waiting for the surprise to happen and shock was laid out for me. At 34 years 4 months and 23 days I was diagnosed of having Varicella without complication (good to know I don’t have complication but Chicken Pox at 34?!)
I couldn’t comprehend why did I get infected with Chicken Pox? Didn’t I finish that when I was younger or was that Measles? I think my Mom being a nurse wouldn’t forget to get me vaccinated properly, can’t she have forgotten? Or maybe I was vaccinated after all because right now I am not fully covered with blisters.
Life is trying to teach me something here. I am still not steering my life towards my dream and kept postponing my resignation with a job that drains all the goodness in me and wouldn’t replenish the craving of my soul, there is no meaning, I couldn’t feel the purpose, I kept waiting for the company owner to rise above to just earning money. It isn’t my dream and yet I care like it is my own company, trying to glue everyone together, and right now my own body repel to even continue. Out of the blue, I got Chicken Pox!
7th day of being sick, just like that, my EGO got smashed and I realised that I have been really hallucinating about things that aren’t there. All along I was falling in love to my mean self and I know that it’s heart and spirit damaging. I am awakened, and at 34 I guess the magic is starting to happen.