Yor Ryeter

[1: 1,363 of 10,000] I Got Nothing To Say

In Poem on October 31, 2014 at 5:46 AM

Say-Something-Feature

I usually have so much to say.

They may be rushed but insightful. Honest. Ruthless.

Am I still mourning with my realisations?

Or my heart’s silence is learning and living how to be calm.

To contemplate?

Or just sad.

I can grieve. For a while. No, properly.

Feel something painful and then let go.

Then my journey starts again.

This time more sure of the things I will ignore.

More focused on the things I shall look forward to.

Determined to what is important for my being.

My health. My spirit.

[1: 1,362 of 10,000] Was I Waiting For Sympathy Or I Just Realised The Truth?

In Journal on October 30, 2014 at 9:02 PM

balancing-act-elephant1

Facts:

  1. I am stressed at work because I have so much to do more than a sane person can handle.
  2. I swoon for my boss and it was quite a boost for more drama and some borderline flirting in between.
  3. I don’t get properly paid and yet I am expected to keep everything in order. I was counting it for “experience” sake.
  4. I wanted to resign because I don’t think the work environment is giving me a good life purpose.
  5. I got sick for too many times and now I really had chicken pox out of the blue or caused by excessive working.
  6. I got a proper sick note from the doctor and my boss expects me to work at home like it is still my obligation.

Fantasies:

  1. I am special and important that they ask if I am all right before I am asked to work at home while I am sick.
  2. My welfare as a human being comes first before any other office reports.
  3. My boss misses me.

Realisations:

  1. I am just one of the staffs who is expected to work even when sick.
  2. I don’t have a special arrangement to get my salary since I am absent.
  3. My boss doesn’t love me, he just use me for my talents at the cheapest price.
  4. I am not going to waste all my brilliance and put my health in the line ever again for the wrong company.

Enough.

[1: 1,361 of 10,000] My Chicken Pox Week

In Journal on October 30, 2014 at 6:28 AM
There is something about the age 34 that I used to get so fascinated to; initially I was attracted to men with that age that I don’t even mind from what nationality they are from or how many hairs do they have trying to hold on to their heads, all I knew being 34 seems immensely interesting. I was quite excited when I hit 34, I keep waiting for the surprise to happen and shock was laid out for me. At 34 years 4 months and 23 days I was diagnosed of having Varicella without complication (good to know I don’t have complication but Chicken Pox at 34?!)
Cute ChicI couldn’t comprehend why did I get infected with Chicken Pox? Didn’t I finish that when I was younger or was that Measles? I think my Mom being a nurse wouldn’t forget to get me vaccinated properly, can’t she have forgotten? Or maybe I was vaccinated after all because right now I am not fully covered with blisters.
Life is trying to teach me something here. I am still not steering my life towards my dream and kept postponing my resignation with a job that drains all the goodness in me and wouldn’t replenish the craving of my soul, there is no meaning, I couldn’t feel the purpose, I kept waiting for the company owner to rise above to just earning money. It isn’t my dream and yet I care like it is my own company, trying to glue everyone together, and right now my own body repel to even continue. Out of the blue, I got Chicken Pox!
7th day of being sick, just like that, my EGO got smashed and I realised that I have been really hallucinating about things that aren’t there. All along I was falling in love to my mean self and I know that it’s heart and spirit damaging. I am awakened, and at 34 I guess the magic is starting to happen.
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