[1: 2,002 of 10,000] First Day Jitters

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

Even at my oldest age, I still feel my first day jitters today back at work after a local annual leave of six days. It was the same story during my teens in high school for my first day to start a semester. Was it really jitters or unconfined excitement?

Before going to bed the night before, I set the alarm at 5:30 AM to make sure I have enough time to do my well-being routine. The moment I woke up, I stretched, I say a longing prayer of a perfect day, did a meditation, yoga, journal, water my succulents that am propagating, enjoyed duck wrap for breakfast, wash the dishes, folded the dry laundry, took a bath, and off to work.

To crush my stress away knowing I have to go back to emails and pending works the fastest possible, I started with greeting someone a happy birthday, and it made me feel good of the surprise knowing it brought warmth to his heart with the shower of beautiful words and sweet cute gestures from our colleagues. I then remember why I love doing nice things to other people, it doesn’t just make someone feel good but it always backfire on me exponentially.

At the end of the day, being conscious of how the day went, I felt satisfied, I felt the grace of God hugging me every moment to calm my worried mind, and now ending my day blogging.

How was your day?

[1: 1,964 of 10,000] Do You Remember A Moment of Grace In Your Life?

My heart is full of love right now. I feel so blessed and loved. I have something to be grateful for every day because I am enjoying life.

Don’t get me wrong, I still worry about work, disappointed that I can’t meet my deadline, but the deeper I am in shit the harder I prayed and asked for help especially wisdom from the Holy Spirit. My burden becomes lighter, and I get disciplined to finish one task after another.

My calendar in both professional and personal are so full, but every day, I sat down for meditation as a reminder that I can capture a moment of calm, and then I start moving. I learned to act without waiting for anyone’s permission or for the circumstance to be perfect.

Going back to my main question, do you remember a moment of grace in your life? It doesn’t have to be a big deal but notice the small miracles. Find those moments when you can feel your heart and soul soothed.

I noticed that whenever I listen to Nessun Dorma sang, there’s something magical that can bring me to tears, and those were my moments of grace. What raises through my mind is how grateful I am listening to this beautiful opera singers using their talent to serenade me (and the rest of the world); then I use mine to be an open vessel to allow the spirit to move me to touch you.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

[1: 1,963 of 10,000] Why Do I Love God?

I feel you
I know you
I believe
You love me
Even if I don’t love you

But now, I know
I love you
I try to remember you
Every day
Every moment

You bring me peace
Amidst my chaos
My pain
Desires
Mistakes

You bring me peace
Even when I’m confused
Struggling
Childish
Mad

I see your gifts
All the miracles
The nudge
Guidance
Calling

Here I am
I’m with you for your plan
Taking action
Paying attention
Living

[1: 1,958 of 10,000] Patience Vs. Instant Gratification

I remember when I was a teenager, I thought life is so hard that I am willing to die and make a deal with the devil to make sure I feel better. I try to recollect what were my disappointments before and what pops up is I don’t feel pretty enough and I am not smart enough to be on top of our class.

Now that I’ve experienced the peace when I am truly connected to God, I wondered why would I ever believe the devil will be able to provide what I seemed to feel that I am missing in my life… and it daunts on me that my humanity is looking for instant gratification.

I am beginning to appreciate the advantage of PATIENCE because it is one of the perfect qualities of God. Do not worry about the past and the future but I am to do my best right now. It takes seasons for a flower to bloom and flourish. What I am now is because I’ve endured different experiences and if I was bold enough to learn then I am stronger today.

Being bad and rebelious is not about leaning to the wrong side, if I silent my human weaknesses and lean on the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, my burdens are light and my day is meaningful. I have to practice that muscle and never again will I give in to complacency and rush of getting material accolade instantly. I will enjoy the process, the journey, and celebrate the fruition that culminates an end… and then be brave to begin again.

[1: 1,956 of 10,000] It Wasn’t Just Me

For months I was stalling very important works only for all those tasks to catch up on me when the event was about to happen. I was so nervous! I let my emotion as my benchmark whether to show up to my responsibility, it wasn’t like me at all. My made up dissatisfaction and feeling uninspired crept me up so much that it froze me to do what I need to do in my job. So days before the event, I was working like crazy, 24 hours wasn’t enough, and so my last resort was to call my Hail Mary.

I prayed to God that the event will run smoothly. Whatever great things will be in His glory, and whatever screw up are my lessons to learn. After all the worries for how many months, the event was finally over and it was a success in the eyes of those who are not part of the organizing committee. I have received praises and I couldn’t take full credit for them because I know in my heart that it wasn’t just me, I have magical help to vanish my worries.

Are you worried about something right now? Pray. God listens to us and whatever fear we have He’ll help us through it if we let Him. When we walk with love instead of fear, we triumph.

[1: 1,877 of 10,000] What Was Your Reason God?

Two men that I respect for their spiritual belief belonging from two completely different countries but both love God answered these line of questions with identical answer. If God is so loving and would only want the best for mankind, His very own creation, then why are there so many sufferings? Why do bad things happen to good people? Their answer is…

“I don’t know.”

It is true that God works in pretty mysterious ways. I often wonder why do Father rape their own daughters? Why do criminals due to their mental illness exist to havoc emotional and physical pain to the people around them and don’t even realize that they do? Why do God let the simple meeting the basic needs of food and clean water being so difficult? Where is God?

I also don’t know…

• But I got reminded that human race carried a curse when Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden.
• I also have faith that God never stopped loving men and send miracles despite the outer suffering that men’s naked eyes could see but not for the intellect to possibly comprehend and grasp.
• God sent His only begotten son Jesus to be the way, the truth, and the life for men. He died for men’s sins for a beautiful and promising eternal life.

It does puzzle me that if heaven is all beautiful, why are men need to be on Earth to endure so many challenges that breaks the hearts and loan the souls?

• “Heaven is in our midst,” those words lead me to not rush and crave for the afterlife but to enjoy peace in the present. Peace is not the absence of distraction but peace within me directly connecting with the almighty.
• Finally, I believe that through battling my challenges, I become stronger. When I suffer, I develop empathy and would be able to be kinder to the others who suffer the same. And when I am truly tuned in, I could make a difference to make this world better than I found it. That’s just me; but what if the thinking spreads to every single one on Earth, it’ll be revolutionary.

The pain is part of the hero’s journey despite pain doesn’t stop with just one. Just like a rough diamond is not brilliant until it goes through some ridiculous amount of meticulous cutting and grinding.

Photo source: The New Yorker

 

[1: 1,873 of 10,000] My Wake Up Call Is A DEVIL Tarot Card

I was down… drowning.

Emotionally that I have thought repeatedly of being dead is better but I know I will never attempt suicide and I didn’t have to because I live each day without peace and it is as good as dead. I am drained even at work for being unable to excel, tensed to achieve perfection at all times, and got undermined.

Physically because I am gaining weight slowly but surely, last year my food allergy got revealed from poultry, egg, and seafoods – imagine all seafoods, including maki’s nori. I miss my fried chicken and my Japanese food.

I am lonely.

I long for someone to hug me and I don’t get it anywhere. I know that I have to completely love me before I go looking for someone to do that or it’s an absolute disaster. I know God loves me but I couldn’t connect with Him because I am not making any positive change.

I like to peek the future. I like to look forward to a good news. I went to see a tarot card reader and she was blatant that everything looks well except for a ‘dark’ one blocking everything. She reminded me to be grateful but in my head I am but it just doesn’t feel light. I do sense a block. My world was shaken up when the ‘devil’ card appeared. Am I Dexter now with my own type of ‘dark passenger’?

As soon as I left the tarot card reader, I decided that I am not going to be defeated by a devil or my own silliness of thinking that I am better than everyone else or I am too bad than everyone else. I am going to make my life beautiful.

Right now, I smile, a good one.

[1: 1,859 of 10,000] Wishful Kid

Dear Heaven,

I couldn’t contain my excitement, you hear my prayer, and I could sense that it’s going to come true soon. I just give you my big smile, utter my thank you, and send you my kisses.

I love my life. Tom Ford just inspired me that his life could end in a blink and he won’t do what he doesn’t enjoy. Barrack Obama is giving such eloquent speeches that makes me excited to take the podium and speak my mind. Jewel has gone through so much in her teens and yet here she is who understood living in the present. It is such a marvelous guidance that you constantly give us.

I am grateful for all.

Love,

Yor

[1: 1,840 of 10,000] I Don’t See But I Believe

I don’t see God but I do believe He exists.

I am conditioning myself (making it stick) to believe that He exists in each and every one of us whether we are known as nice or nasty. I do this because I don’t want to keep judging others and let my ego assume that I am better than some other people. I also want it as a reminder so I can be kinder, easier to forgive myself and others, and let go of the things that I couldn’t explain and comprehend.

Am a little mess with my thoughts and feelings so my solution is surprising people who are dear to me, winning a true smile with the efforts that I have done especially for them, and maybe a miracle will happen that I get a clear head and direction on my next shenanigan, I mean adventure! Life is good.

😉

[1: 1,835 of 10,000] Christmas From An Independent Woman

Christmas is because of the beautiful birth of men’s savior Jesus. God so love the world that He gave His only Son to become human.

In my own way I’ve got to spent it with my sister, greeted my relatives and friends abroad via Facebook, prepared a feast, open presents, laughing out loud and tearing up watching old Christmas movies, and above all remember how blessed I am that I am purely love, unconditionally by God.

May this day be as magical as you’ve never expected to enjoy the fantastic surprises! Don’t look at the imperfections, or the plans that didn’t go well, be at peace and let it be. Enjoy the moments because it’s only the eve and the whole Christmas Day that we get to be festive and have reasons to be in touch with everyone with extra good cheers then we wait for another 364 days to pass.

I did have my boundaries and intend to have things the way I’ve wanted but for this Christmas I pray love for everyone without any walls but simply spreading good intentions.

Have a very merry Christmas! 😉