In Journal on April 1, 2017 at 4:22 PM
I was down… drowning.
Emotionally that I have thought repeatedly of being dead is better but I know I will never attempt suicide and I didn’t have to because I live each day without peace and it is as good as dead. I am drained even at work for being unable to excel, tensed to achieve perfection at all times, and got undermined.
Physically because I am gaining weight slowly but surely, last year my food allergy got revealed from poultry, egg, and seafoods – imagine all seafoods, including maki’s nori. I miss my fried chicken and my Japanese food.
I am lonely.
I long for someone to hug me and I don’t get it anywhere. I know that I have to completely love me before I go looking for someone to do that or it’s an absolute disaster. I know God loves me but I couldn’t connect with Him because I am not making any positive change.
I like to peek the future. I like to look forward to a good news. I went to see a tarot card reader and she was blatant that everything looks well except for a ‘dark’ one blocking everything. She reminded me to be grateful but in my head I am but it just doesn’t feel light. I do sense a block. My world was shaken up when the ‘devil’ card appeared. Am I Dexter now with my own type of ‘dark passenger’?
As soon as I left the tarot card reader, I decided that I am not going to be defeated by a devil or my own silliness of thinking that I am better than everyone else or I am too bad than everyone else. I am going to make my life beautiful.
Right now, I smile, a good one.
In Letter on January 13, 2017 at 2:48 PM
I couldn’t contain my excitement, you hear my prayer, and I could sense that it’s going to come true soon. I just give you my big smile, utter my thank you, and send you my kisses.
I love my life. Tom Ford just inspired me that his life could end in a blink and he won’t do what he doesn’t enjoy. Barrack Obama is giving such eloquent speeches that makes me excited to take the podium and speak my mind. Jewel has gone through so much in her teens and yet here she is who understood living in the present. It is such a marvelous guidance that you constantly give us.
I am grateful for all.
In Article on December 26, 2016 at 9:36 PM
I don’t see God but I do believe He exists.
I am conditioning myself (making it stick) to believe that He exists in each and every one of us whether we are known as nice or nasty. I do this because I don’t want to keep judging others and let my ego assume that I am better than some other people. I also want it as a reminder so I can be kinder, easier to forgive myself and others, and let go of the things that I couldn’t explain and comprehend.
Am a little mess with my thoughts and feelings so my solution is surprising people who are dear to me, winning a true smile with the efforts that I have done especially for them, and maybe a miracle will happen that I get a clear head and direction on my next shenanigan, I mean adventure! Life is good.
In Journal on December 25, 2016 at 7:15 AM
Christmas is because of the beautiful birth of men’s savior Jesus. God so love the world that He gave His only Son to become human.
In my own way I’ve got to spent it with my sister, greeted my relatives and friends abroad via Facebook, prepared a feast, open presents, laughing out loud and tearing up watching old Christmas movies, and above all remember how blessed I am that I am purely love, unconditionally by God.
May this day be as magical as you’ve never expected to enjoy the fantastic surprises! Don’t look at the imperfections, or the plans that didn’t go well, be at peace and let it be. Enjoy the moments because it’s only the eve and the whole Christmas Day that we get to be festive and have reasons to be in touch with everyone with extra good cheers then we wait for another 364 days to pass.
I did have my boundaries and intend to have things the way I’ve wanted but for this Christmas I pray love for everyone without any walls but simply spreading good intentions.
Have a very merry Christmas! 😉
In Prayer on November 2, 2016 at 2:58 AM
You see my perfect soul with my imperfect humanity. You reach out to my soul that understands your love until it gets lost and confused again. You love me when I couldn’t even bring to love my life. You love me without any condition nor bargain that I have to do for you.
How lucky I am with all the grace that you’ve generously given me. Your love is so great that it can love the whole of me. Thank you for seeing me in your eyes of kindness, treating me like I’ve never questioned you, for the tenderness that forgives me whenever I fall, and for continuously giving me of wonderful things I couldn’t even imagine that I deserve.
When I tremble, when my anxiety arises, I seek of you. I willingly fall in your arms but with your love I could find myself still standing and showing up. You’re all who I truly got and I am at peace. I love you so much in the terms I could muster, I know it is way far from the love that you forevermore give me.
Am I ready to love and care more than myself because of your constant outpouring of support? Do you think I have gone through all the tests to make me strong for the confidence that you’ve bestowed on me to do my duty? I hope I am at my best to be used by you for the most beautiful plans you’ve prepared.
Photo source: Humans of New York Founder by The New York Times
In Article on August 7, 2016 at 6:29 AM
So which LOVE is it?
The pure one, the gentle, the kind, the righteous, the perfect…
From the Bible, Corinthians:
Let all that you do be done with love.
Abide faith, hope, and love, these three. But the greatest of these is love.
Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant, it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints, it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth. Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things.
We are loved first therefor we are capable of giving that. The truest love that we have in us is perfect and we just have to unblock and unlearn that which our human mind believed so in limitation.
May we all receive grace and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to understand and have no fear to love truly.
In Article on August 6, 2016 at 8:55 PM
I have been wondering why do I exist and when I woke up yesterday morning, the answer was quite clear, it’s LOVE.
I exist because I am loved; I am made of love; and it is evident that I am capable of loving. So are you.
I have read about love from so many people but I never considered it to be the root of all but if I try to comprehend it, it fits perfectly well. Everything that I do can be checked on is it loving? It’s quite a great compass, and I move with a light heart.
In Journal on August 5, 2016 at 12:18 AM
Why am I here?
I could always feel your love and support and I am extremely grateful, but why do I have those moments of doubts and sadness? Why do I feel this emptiness and not able to feel of having direction?
Rest and rejuvenating myself is part of the answers, isn’t it?
I am happy just that little thought that I have no bondage of the past and future but I am living in the present.
I don’t understand my mission but these make sense: grow, giving my best, smiling, being kind, dare, learn, try again, and succeed!
I love you, in the contexts that I can and cannot express.