[1: 1,679 of 10,000] I Question The Movie Picker

I was glued on the television for hours and I watched all these movies, not the whole time and since it’s on television with advertisements then there were several expected deleted scenes:

1. Revolutionary Road (2008)
2. Hanging Up (2000)
3. Major Movie Star (2008)
4. Girl, Interrupted (1999)
5. The Good Girl (2002)

Yay! The movie choice is a little disturbing because they all have major emotional issues except the cheesy #3, which was a well needed break. If I start writing a novel, should I be tapping a dark piece? I was scared that I am able to almost connect with each character. I am a littled disturbed of myself.

I like to write for entertainment and maybe introduce an emotion that was never obvious that was shoved within but will healthily get released. I maybe experiencing dark moods and depressed feelings to use it as material in the future writings.

Enough with the darkness, note to self, live life one day at a time and find what’s good.

[1: 1,673 of 10,000] Our Pain Reveals A Lot About Our Path

Being in pain is a state that I don’t want to be, I deliberately try to avoid it, resolve issues to not feel it, or the worse that I can do is to try hiding and running away from it like it never happened. And yet, when I examine my pain, I learn a lot about myself, the people surrounding me, and the path that I am about to take.

My pain reveals a calling that I got to embark if I allow it to be. My life’s circumstance, feelings, and beliefs are different from everybody else; which makes my experience unique and revealing of a new path for all others to hopefully learn from. Whenever I dare, I don’t just do it for myself, but pain is scary, making me froze, and sometimes losing the will to live.

It is demanded that I have to stay strong, find solace in God’s arm, and move forward with glimpse of hope, the surge for enthusiasm, and the will to tell my story because my pain reveals a lot about my path of encouraging somebody else other than myself, to bring light where darkness seems to be there is, and the circle of experience gets completed.

 

[1: 1,667 of 10,000] There Is A Thirst In Me

I am thirsty. I long for a quench. I am searching for meaning on why am I here exactly. My ego is searching for acknowledgment and yet I couldn’t even pin point from whom do I really want the praise.

Everything seems so trivial right now. I don’t necessarily understand the culture where I am in. I receive mix messages and I am confused. The joy that I long is slowly slipping but I am hoping so hard that I could keep my head above of a rushing stream.

How long do I need to endure this black hole feeling? I feel an emptiness and a great sense of being so lost! Am I starting to get depressed? Am I in a brick of a breakdown knowing that I am overwhelmed with different emotions and responsibilities on my shoulders that are increasingly heavier on my puny understanding?

Am I witnessing my transition for my next path, my next journey?

[1: 1,540 of 10,000] Another Waste of Time Talking About The Shit Thing That Happened

I have to apologise to my dear friend for sharing a story about a shit thing that had happened to me. The problem was I didn’t just share what the ludicrous thing that had happened, I added my assumptions, it’s like doing a House MD analysis where I threw ideas out, only I wasn’t solving any medical problem that could actually save a life.

It drained my energy, I wasted both our time, and it turned out to be a total useless. I am promising myself that I will never do that to my friend or to anyone ever again. I really have to be very careful to just stop talking about other’s mistakes because I am not faultless. It’s a better world that I focus on the good note. Practice!

Instead of dwelling on the negative, I have to be at my best to be alert in being creative, eloquent, and smart on always seeing the silver lining, the thin line of bliss. It’s my God given talent to see the good; now I have to be obedient to only say the good and drop about rant and the possibilities of what could have been. It’s fresher to live that way.

To keep the optimistic energy flowing in, I should continue reading new smart materials and never cease creating. I still have to prepare for the biggest interview of my life, update my Linkedin Profile, and spank my ass that I should be publishing a Linkedin article already!

Photo Source: http://www.garancedore.fr/en/2015/07/23/the-white-tee

[1: 1,492 of 10,000] Is Our Emotional First Aid Ready?

Are we prepared with our emotional first aid? The psychologist enthusiast in me lead me to hear Guy Winch Ph.D. who spoke at TED about emotional first aid, click here to watch the video. I like how he explains about having a bruise would compel man to get a band aid to cover it up to avoid infection; but when we are suffering emotional pain we end up brushing it off like it’ll go away.

Emotions like Loneliness, Failure, and Rejection lead us to have different reactions. It is important that we have to protect our self-esteem, treat ourselves with compassion, battle negative thinking, and ultimately build emotional resilience. We have to take better care not just our physical but the emotional health too.

How can we treat a psychological wound if we don’t even think that we’re injured? If we are not in tune with our feelings, it is not right that we are setting our lives to destruction, even an early death. I hope this is exactly I would be able to help more people soon, to care for their emotions. I need to find the right scholarship in Australia?!

[1: 1,486 of 10,000] I Froze

I never knew myself as a coward or fearful, I know I get scared but I do it anyway. Hustling and striving but never because I just gave up. In my surprise, a certain phone call this morning instantly froze me. Someone I want to keep my distant from is asking for my help for a day. I do wish him well but I don’t want to stay close anymore.

He is asking for my help and normally I like to be of service but this time I couldn’t think anything logical, my hands are sweaty and twisted, and my demeanour goes back to a little girl. Has this person traumatised me that I get that instant stressful feeling? Have I lost hope that he’s a good person and it is worth my time? Have I been bruised too bad that I shut down involuntarily.

I vowed to be happy and there is nothing more rewarding than to be helpful. During the phone conversation, or more like he is talking and I couldn’t speak a word, he said that I could just say it, he suggested several scenarios, but when it gets too overwhelming, I told him that I’ll call him back. I don’t want to be put in that spot and I don’t have anything to say or was I concern that I don’t want to say something hurtful because after all I shall never live with regret.

I made myself a milk tea and have eaten a cake to calm myself or have I just tricked myself to be in a happy mode and that I’d be forgiving and could agree to anything. Then I thought there is nothing wrong to help and I don’t want to live a life where I hide from anything, so I called back and set a meeting for tomorrow. I am still recuperating with my intense day yesterday. I don’t know why did I even agree but deep within me I felt responsible and thinks it’s the right thing to do. I’m not ecstatic to do it but I need to be better than that, I got to be happier and helpful, that’s what being a responsible adult be like.

[1: 1,263 of 10,000] Work Hard & Be Nice To People

Isn’t that a very nice saying especially a good reminder to my egoistic self?

Work hard and be nice to people.

Goodness! I was picking fight with one person after another and it is not a good feeling afterwards. I was so furious I cannot bring myself to be positive anymore. Thanks God to my neighbour at the office who gave me happy pills (strawberry mint)!!!

[1: 1,228 of 10,000] I Love Deeply

I am afraid to love someone

Because I am afraid of getting hurt

Especially when I lose the person

I’ll force memories to become blurred

I know I will recover overtime

For quite a very long time

I am afraid to love someone

‘Coz I don’t know if I can handle another pain

Losing a loved one isn’t easy

But not loving anyone is absolutely miserable

I am admitting I love you

Even if it’ll never be requited

In silent I shall care unconditionally

Responsibly, reluctantly, but willingly, dreamily

[1: 1,178 of 10,000] Sad Eyes

I recognized sad teary eyes. I don’t like it especially if I’ve caused it.

How could I torment a person?

I know he made me sad but it wasn’t his fault that I am in love with him and apparently he gets affected if I am dismissive of his presence. Am I the only one not truly believing that he cares for me but not on the extent of course of what I wish him to be because he’s in a relationship (without a need of further explanation no matter how I turn things upside down).

I can’t dream on. I have to keep things professional.

I know how clever I can always be but this is just beyond acceptable even to my conscience. No more being a bitch and just be nice and straightforward to get the work done. Breathe Yor, you can do this.

[1: 1,078 of 10,000] Furious

I can’t be furious for a long time because my boiling bloods will cause me to cry especially if I am being furious to a person I care.

I was so mad that I cannot accept an apology. I was at lost and I was making a stand and clear statement that I was respecting myself. It required me to sleep on it overnight until I brought myself to apologize too of my own shortcoming. It is exhausting to care too much that it would cause my heart to bleed with pain.

Breathe Yor.

Life is a continuous learning process. People are not always on the right mood that we get to hurt one another. Learn to forgive all parties, self and the other.

Life is a lot prettier with roses, smile and love but remember it’s not possible to love the rose without the torn.

Another day.