Yor Ryeter

Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

[1: 1,972 of 10,000] You Made Me Feel At Home Los Angeles

In Journal on September 27, 2019 at 12:06 PM

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I was in Los Angeles, California early this month and I couldn’t believe that there was this light-good-vibe-aura feeling the moment I am in a taxi on the way to the hotel. Am I having my Don Draper moment? The air smells like beautiful dreams, except the corners of lingering weeds although users might be in dreamy state of another kind.

I am truly in love with the city. I could really imagine myself moving from Dubai to LA, so much so that I have sent a job application to an interior designer for the stars (haven’t heard from him, but I will soon, I have a good feeling about it, no not puffing weed here!)

I love the architecture, I love the beach, I love the mountains, the palm trees, and I love the fact that movies and television shows are made here. The entertainment world that I want to be part of. This motivates me to finish my novel and turn it into a movie one day.

Right now, dreaming of LA!

Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

[1: 1,969 of 10,000] Have You Answered ‘What’s My Purpose In Life’?

In Journal on July 14, 2019 at 5:07 PM

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At different times in my life, I have pulled out different answers and seek different places to help me come up with my answer.

The very first thing that made sense for me is I am here to spread the good news that there’s a God who created everything and I believe loves every human being. God is all-knowing that provides peace and the connection with everyone and everything. I don’t know everything and I don’t even have a language to describe my relationship with God but I’m contented for hearing about Him and I am spending the rest of my life deepening my relationship with Him through others and everything. The moment I have the sense of connection with God, feel His love and witness His miracles; I would like to share it with everyone so they may experience my joy.

Then added is I am here to create like my creator. I have a gift that can make me come alive whenever I am in the zone doing it. That whenever I am authentic for being myself, it inspires others to do great things. All because I am enjoying being me.

I am here to experience human life. To live in the present and love what is. To not believe the story that I create in my mind that is obsessed with worries, scarcity mentality, shame, and perfection.

My latest answer is I’m here to heal. I believed that people are born perfect but like my story, as I grow older, I have absorbed different pain including the pain of my parents that I forget my essence. I now believe that the first order is to take care of me and heal. To forgive myself and to examine my thoughts in order to make better choices in the present.

How about you, what is your purpose?

Photo by Michael Heuser on Unsplash

[1: 1,968 of 10,000] I’m Afraid

In Journal on July 14, 2019 at 3:02 PM

Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s the willingness to show up or be seen even there’s no guarantee. It’s the greatest and most accurate measure of courage.

Having the above lessons in mind, I am going to examine what I am afraid of.

  1. I’m afraid to be sick and depend on others. I saw my mother endure cancer and lost her health day by day. I’m afraid to be physically broken.
  2. I’m afraid to die alone. One of my adviser in college was living alone and he died at home because of health issues and he wasn’t found until some days had passed.
  3. I’m afraid to be old and useless.
  4. I’m afraid to be ridiculed and judged.
  5. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for the man I formalize in my mind to marry.
  6. I’m afraid that whatever I’m doing now isn’t useful for my future.
  7. I’m afraid to try new things to become a wealthier woman.
  8. I’m afraid to go broke and homeless.
  9. I’m afraid of being lonely.
  10. I’m afraid of being stagnant.

The bottom of it all, I really want love, to belong, and chasing worthiness. I never really stopped to inquire the above so I end up restless, clueless, and living without direction and passion.

What should I do now? I shall enjoy whatever I’m doing, to give my best and start with good intentions, to be grateful for all my blessings and miracles, to get proper rest and nourishment, and heal well so I may create, love, and be at peace.

[1: 1,966 of 10,000] I Am Getting Old (Yay!)

In Journal on July 4, 2019 at 2:03 PM

Hair stylist Nat told me that my feeling whether am old or young depends on my perception. Will I defy the fact that I am having grey hair more than I have last year and the hair color that I used doesn’t necessarily cover the truth that I am aging?

I am starting to feel like I am broken; like a piece of toy that has parts that are starting to crumble and I don’t know how to stop it. I try to exercise, eat well, meditate, met a psychic, and yet I feel like I don’t understand the transition that I am going through. There’s a cloud over my head and I can’t see clearly and my body isn’t cooperating.

I have to be honest, it scares me to be old. What if I start forgetting things? What if I couldn’t be creative anymore? What if I get really sick? What if I have a bad back and broken bones? Those were my fears but just that fears but not my reality yet; so I am not losing hope. I know that this too will roll over like the rest of the things in the world.

[1: 1,965 of 10,000] The Defining Moment When I Knew I Desired To Write

In Journal on May 30, 2019 at 11:29 PM

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People who grew up loving what they do knew their deepest desire that they were meant to do it. I met a doctor who said, “I’ve always known that I wanted to become a doctor.” Great singers have the voice that blows our mind. Me… the defining moment when I knew I desired to write is because of my neighbour whom I considered an elder sister said, “You can make anything come true if you write it.”

My young mind understood that well I’ve always wanted a genie and that sounds pretty close in having one and the difference I didn’t even have a limitation of only three wishes. There was a time that my novel was a roadmap to my actual life, but that doesn’t always happen. What grew is my love affair with writing, not about making a wish come true, but it transitioned that it gives me the joy to write, and now I am at the point that I write to inspire people of what I write and for others to be infected of my joy because I am writing.

My beginning feels selfish and childish because it is what I was able to grasp and my point of experience in that life. Now, I am still selfish because I do write since it gives me pleasure but I think about others that may my writing gives another light to a path of seeing the beauty of life.

Photo by Ilya Pavlov on Unsplash

 

[1: 1,964 of 10,000] Do You Remember A Moment of Grace In Your Life?

In Journal on May 25, 2019 at 1:40 AM

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My heart is full of love right now. I feel so blessed and loved. I have something to be grateful for every day because I am enjoying life.

Don’t get me wrong, I still worry about work, disappointed that I can’t meet my deadline, but the deeper I am in shit the harder I prayed and asked for help especially wisdom from the Holy Spirit. My burden becomes lighter, and I get disciplined to finish one task after another.

My calendar in both professional and personal are so full, but every day, I sat down for meditation as a reminder that I can capture a moment of calm, and then I start moving. I learned to act without waiting for anyone’s permission or for the circumstance to be perfect.

Going back to my main question, do you remember a moment of grace in your life? It doesn’t have to be a big deal but notice the small miracles. Find those moments when you can feel your heart and soul soothed.

I noticed that whenever I listen to Nessun Dorma sang, there’s something magical that can bring me to tears, and those were my moments of grace. What raises through my mind is how grateful I am listening to this beautiful opera singers using their talent to serenade me (and the rest of the world); then I use mine to be an open vessel to allow the spirit to move me to touch you.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

[1: 1,963 of 10,000] Why Do I Love God?

In Journal, Poem on May 24, 2019 at 7:46 PM

I feel you
I know you
I believe
You love me
Even if I don’t love you

But now, I know
I love you
I try to remember you
Every day
Every moment

You bring me peace
Amidst my chaos
My pain
Desires
Mistakes

You bring me peace
Even when I’m confused
Struggling
Childish
Mad

I see your gifts
All the miracles
The nudge
Guidance
Calling

Here I am
I’m with you for your plan
Taking action
Paying attention
Living

[1: 1,962 of 10,000] The Last Single Lady

In Journal on May 24, 2019 at 6:16 PM

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I have three groups of friends, the high school friends, the college pals, and the best friends from previous works.

In the work best friends corner, we’re two of the last single ladies who aren’t married but yesterday, she admitted that she’s now in a relationship and the situation is alarming me that I am the last one not in a relationship. The group chat conversation went to where will the wedding be. Yaiks! I do feel a little pressure but I am letting it pass because this I don’t really want to deal with right now.

I was at a clinic last Thursday to have my allergy shot, I was sitting across a mother with a baby on her lap, and I, on the other hand, is typing on my work laptop, geez that says a lot about our priorities, huh?

My college pals are all married, I wouldn’t even go there, and not only are they comfortably settled but they are counting more than one child.

High school friends though is a little bit more reassuring because 5 of us are still single and can mingle. Look what I did there, can but not saying “ready to mingle.”

What am I looking for a man anyway? Someone confident, comfortable in life, smart, kind, talented, and knows how to enjoy trying new things. I’ve thought about it, I can commit to someone like Rob Bell (filled with wisdom and love for God), Bill Rancic (he’s very responsible), Simon Sinek (very inspiring), and Jake Gyllenhaal (he’s so hot I think I would melt whenever he stares and smiles at me).

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

[1: 1,961 of 10,000] The Best State I’ve Ever Been

In Journal on March 2, 2019 at 6:01 PM

Wow, it’s been a while since my last post. I have been working on my well being. I’m very happy to where I am right now, challenged, and moving to create something that I can leave behind in this world. I feel like I’m living the new movie of Rebel Wilson where her world was perfect, only I didn’t get mobbed and hit my head on a steel post, but I am slowly awakening and I appreciate life.

I find solace in the present, I end and start the day with gratefulness, and I see the miracles, feel the love, and enjoy the moment of growth. Don’t get me wrong, that ‘growth’ part is painful because I have to face my demons, I have to be objective, and I have to put in the work that has pain involved.

I am happy because I feel appreciated. I am delighted because I am seen. I am.

[1: 1,960 of 10,000] A Good Feeling About 2019

In Journal on January 1, 2019 at 3:01 PM

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I love new beginnings and I do recognize the struggles that sometimes go with it but last night before the midnight struck 12:01 to officially welcome 2019, I feel the surge of excitement and peace.

2018 is so last year and I am ready for 2019 and achieve key goals that I intend to accomplish. I keep it really tight and focus on 5 things:

  1. Save and Invest – I have to take care of myself and my future, I would do what I have to do right now so I can do want I want to do later on (referencing to a reflection of a line from ‘The Great Debaters.’) I know living in the present is important but living with freedom without worrying about the necessities in life is the dream.
  2. Write a book – I am ready for my second book to publish in Amazon and I am excited that I have the concept in place and even the root intention. I’m excited to create again. This is actually making me feel so alive, I have to create something to know that I am living a purpose.
  3. CALM + KINDNESS + PEACE – Brandon Burchard has questions at the end of the day, “Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?” and I have been searching my three things and for this year especially I have drilled it down to calm, kindness and peace for a pretty good reason.
    • Calm because I have the tendency to worry and when I freeze then I couldn’t act, and I don’t like that feeling anymore, so calm to have the action to accept the situation and not overthink it.
    • Kindness because when I lose my bearing (lack of sleep or overwhelmed) I turned into a disaster blabber and monster. Everyone has their own demons to combat and I don’t need to be part of their demon to deal with.
    • Peace will always be my ultimate compass that will not change until the end of my life. Love is equally important but peace means I get to go to bed and enjoy my dream.
  4. No more late submission at work – I know that I am turning more irresponsible at work. I could already sense that I am not happy with how things are running in the company but I still recognize that when I love what am doing I lose track of time. I need the job for a practical reason and there’s no reason that I have to be a pain to anyone by doing late works, so this year, I’ll be determined and focused.
  5. Learn to speak, read, and write Arabic – I’ve been in the Middle East for 10 years and I can’t speak, read, or write their language and it’s frustrating at work that I am not fully equipped so this year I finally decided to learn a new skill.

Aside from the 5 above, I would be mindful that I get good sleep daily (at least 7 hours), pray (as soon as I wake up and go to bed), meditate daily (usually I do 15-minutes but I think am ready for 20-minutes – will try this tomorrow and see how it feels), get fit and move 30 minutes daily, journal 1 sentence a day (which I’ve done for 1 full year in 2018), and finally feed my body, mind, and spirit with good food.

What are your goals for 2019, are you all set too and excited like me?

Photo source:Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash