Yor Ryeter

Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

[1: 1,985 of 10,000] Hard Is Temporary

In Journal on April 3, 2020 at 7:35 AM

Tiffany & Co

My favourite stories of hardship are the ones that end with beauty:

A diamond stone starts at the extraction from the ground, removal of excess rock, cleaving, sawing, bruiting/cutting, and polishing before it becomes one expensive jewellery.

A butterfly’s evolution started from being an egg, a larva, a pupa until it turns into a beautiful butterfly with magnificent wings.

Both stories looked so different from where they started because anything beautiful takes time. A seed needs time to grow. Patience is necessary to wait for the fruit. Hard is temporary.

I couldn’t stress enough that I have to remind myself that if I really want something glorious then I have to give my best, work for it, let go of my egoistic expectations, and then wait for the magic to unfold.

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”
Anonymous.

[1: 1,983 of 10,000] Speaking My Truth

In Journal on March 29, 2020 at 8:44 PM

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My soul is burning for love and I have been trying to find my way back into it. The Source that is boundless and eternal and it was a struggle when I fill my mind with streams of noise instead of letting the stillness in.

I have the blindspot for doing it faster like my life depended on it. I have lived so many lives, do I really need to rush or slow down and witness the unfolding of life before my eyes and marvel to its beauty?

Everything that I ever need is within me. I don’t need anyone to complete me. I have to be full to reach my ultimate potential and be the best creator that I can be just like the Source that intricately weaves us all together.

Life is vast and evolving and each of us is contributing to its infinite expansion. With that appreciation of every human life, it’s getting clearer, I love who I am and I am one with everyone. As much as I love everyone, we all have our different path, a burning desire to follow through. My journey doesn’t include bringing all souls with me; but I can try, I most certainly can try but not compulsory and not required because as I travel my own so does others. The enlightenment that we so seek will make the call, and we will not miss it, even if it means taking several lifetimes.

Nothing we do will ever be wrong because it’s a detour to make a shift. I see you and the content of your heart, I could never put the right words but I feel it. I will never be able to define love but I can feel it. When I do feel it, my tears roll not because of sadness but for its pureness of truth that clears the cloud of fears, doubts, and deceit.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

[1: 1,975 of 10,000] Huh! Childhood Hurt?

In Journal on February 5, 2020 at 11:58 PM

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My inner self knew that I am complete and I am loved but the fact that I have never let romance into my life, I am seriously unconsciously blocking it. I hired someone to coach me, well, anytime I needed to really learn and overcome something I sign up to work with the right person.

My parents never gave me up, nothing like that, but when my sister was born just eleven months after I was born, my grandmother (mom’s mom) happily volunteered to take care of me until she passed away and I started going to school so I moved back home.

Here’s the weird part, when I was asked to go back to my childhood memories, the moment when I started to feel unlove, I couldn’t remember it and I remember a business email I received even two or three years back. I can only rely on stories and then suddenly I started crying and my heart is breaking. It made sense that I got to be carefree and independent, believing that people leave because they die so there’s no point of investing on love and life, and the little me felt left out by my parents.

I am finally strong today to tell young Yor that I am here to love her unconditionally, she doesn’t need to be alone anymore, and we can make the best of life and not believing death is the answer to end a pain and get away from a broken heart. I am healing and for that I am grateful.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

 

[1: 1,972 of 10,000] You Made Me Feel At Home Los Angeles

In Journal on September 27, 2019 at 12:06 PM

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I was in Los Angeles, California early this month and I couldn’t believe that there was this light-good-vibe-aura feeling the moment I am in a taxi on the way to the hotel. Am I having my Don Draper moment? The air smells like beautiful dreams, except the corners of lingering weeds although users might be in dreamy state of another kind.

I am truly in love with the city. I could really imagine myself moving from Dubai to LA, so much so that I have sent a job application to an interior designer for the stars (haven’t heard from him, but I will soon, I have a good feeling about it, no not puffing weed here!)

I love the architecture, I love the beach, I love the mountains, the palm trees, and I love the fact that movies and television shows are made here. The entertainment world that I want to be part of. This motivates me to finish my novel and turn it into a movie one day.

Right now, dreaming of LA!

Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

[1: 1,969 of 10,000] Have You Answered ‘What’s My Purpose In Life’?

In Journal on July 14, 2019 at 5:07 PM

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At different times in my life, I have pulled out different answers and seek different places to help me come up with my answer.

The very first thing that made sense for me is I am here to spread the good news that there’s a God who created everything and I believe loves every human being. God is all-knowing that provides peace and the connection with everyone and everything. I don’t know everything and I don’t even have a language to describe my relationship with God but I’m contented for hearing about Him and I am spending the rest of my life deepening my relationship with Him through others and everything. The moment I have the sense of connection with God, feel His love and witness His miracles; I would like to share it with everyone so they may experience my joy.

Then added is I am here to create like my creator. I have a gift that can make me come alive whenever I am in the zone doing it. That whenever I am authentic for being myself, it inspires others to do great things. All because I am enjoying being me.

I am here to experience human life. To live in the present and love what is. To not believe the story that I create in my mind that is obsessed with worries, scarcity mentality, shame, and perfection.

My latest answer is I’m here to heal. I believed that people are born perfect but like my story, as I grow older, I have absorbed different pain including the pain of my parents that I forget my essence. I now believe that the first order is to take care of me and heal. To forgive myself and to examine my thoughts in order to make better choices in the present.

How about you, what is your purpose?

Photo by Michael Heuser on Unsplash

[1: 1,968 of 10,000] I’m Afraid

In Journal on July 14, 2019 at 3:02 PM

Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s the willingness to show up or be seen even there’s no guarantee. It’s the greatest and most accurate measure of courage.

Having the above lessons in mind, I am going to examine what I am afraid of.

  1. I’m afraid to be sick and depend on others. I saw my mother endure cancer and lost her health day by day. I’m afraid to be physically broken.
  2. I’m afraid to die alone. One of my adviser in college was living alone and he died at home because of health issues and he wasn’t found until some days had passed.
  3. I’m afraid to be old and useless.
  4. I’m afraid to be ridiculed and judged.
  5. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for the man I formalize in my mind to marry.
  6. I’m afraid that whatever I’m doing now isn’t useful for my future.
  7. I’m afraid to try new things to become a wealthier woman.
  8. I’m afraid to go broke and homeless.
  9. I’m afraid of being lonely.
  10. I’m afraid of being stagnant.

The bottom of it all, I really want love, to belong, and chasing worthiness. I never really stopped to inquire the above so I end up restless, clueless, and living without direction and passion.

What should I do now? I shall enjoy whatever I’m doing, to give my best and start with good intentions, to be grateful for all my blessings and miracles, to get proper rest and nourishment, and heal well so I may create, love, and be at peace.

[1: 1,966 of 10,000] I Am Getting Old (Yay!)

In Journal on July 4, 2019 at 2:03 PM

Hair stylist Nat told me that my feeling whether am old or young depends on my perception. Will I defy the fact that I am having grey hair more than I have last year and the hair color that I used doesn’t necessarily cover the truth that I am aging?

I am starting to feel like I am broken; like a piece of toy that has parts that are starting to crumble and I don’t know how to stop it. I try to exercise, eat well, meditate, met a psychic, and yet I feel like I don’t understand the transition that I am going through. There’s a cloud over my head and I can’t see clearly and my body isn’t cooperating.

I have to be honest, it scares me to be old. What if I start forgetting things? What if I couldn’t be creative anymore? What if I get really sick? What if I have a bad back and broken bones? Those were my fears but just that fears but not my reality yet; so I am not losing hope. I know that this too will roll over like the rest of the things in the world.

[1: 1,965 of 10,000] The Defining Moment When I Knew I Desired To Write

In Journal on May 30, 2019 at 11:29 PM

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People who grew up loving what they do knew their deepest desire that they were meant to do it. I met a doctor who said, “I’ve always known that I wanted to become a doctor.” Great singers have the voice that blows our mind. Me… the defining moment when I knew I desired to write is because of my neighbour whom I considered an elder sister said, “You can make anything come true if you write it.”

My young mind understood that well I’ve always wanted a genie and that sounds pretty close in having one and the difference I didn’t even have a limitation of only three wishes. There was a time that my novel was a roadmap to my actual life, but that doesn’t always happen. What grew is my love affair with writing, not about making a wish come true, but it transitioned that it gives me the joy to write, and now I am at the point that I write to inspire people of what I write and for others to be infected of my joy because I am writing.

My beginning feels selfish and childish because it is what I was able to grasp and my point of experience in that life. Now, I am still selfish because I do write since it gives me pleasure but I think about others that may my writing gives another light to a path of seeing the beauty of life.

Photo by Ilya Pavlov on Unsplash

 

[1: 1,964 of 10,000] Do You Remember A Moment of Grace In Your Life?

In Journal on May 25, 2019 at 1:40 AM

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My heart is full of love right now. I feel so blessed and loved. I have something to be grateful for every day because I am enjoying life.

Don’t get me wrong, I still worry about work, disappointed that I can’t meet my deadline, but the deeper I am in shit the harder I prayed and asked for help especially wisdom from the Holy Spirit. My burden becomes lighter, and I get disciplined to finish one task after another.

My calendar in both professional and personal are so full, but every day, I sat down for meditation as a reminder that I can capture a moment of calm, and then I start moving. I learned to act without waiting for anyone’s permission or for the circumstance to be perfect.

Going back to my main question, do you remember a moment of grace in your life? It doesn’t have to be a big deal but notice the small miracles. Find those moments when you can feel your heart and soul soothed.

I noticed that whenever I listen to Nessun Dorma sang, there’s something magical that can bring me to tears, and those were my moments of grace. What raises through my mind is how grateful I am listening to this beautiful opera singers using their talent to serenade me (and the rest of the world); then I use mine to be an open vessel to allow the spirit to move me to touch you.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

[1: 1,963 of 10,000] Why Do I Love God?

In Journal, Poem on May 24, 2019 at 7:46 PM

I feel you
I know you
I believe
You love me
Even if I don’t love you

But now, I know
I love you
I try to remember you
Every day
Every moment

You bring me peace
Amidst my chaos
My pain
Desires
Mistakes

You bring me peace
Even when I’m confused
Struggling
Childish
Mad

I see your gifts
All the miracles
The nudge
Guidance
Calling

Here I am
I’m with you for your plan
Taking action
Paying attention
Living