Yor Ryeter

Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

[1: 1,906 of 10,000] My Fascination About Life

In Journal on July 13, 2018 at 11:51 PM

Do you ever wonder what you truly need as a human being? Yes, there are those factors that we wanted to be seen, heard, respected, empowered, powerful, wealthy, comfortable, smart, but there are three things that truly fascinate me.

First is LOVE. I read from a book that love is too complex to define, but we have to try to grasp it especially if, of all the factors in life, it seems to be the most important… but wait is it really that we wanted to be loved or to love or both? And the biggest revelation that we are in fact made out of love so we are in constant flow of a positive energy, it just stops when we forget who we truly are.

Second is UNIQUENESS. There are moments that we wanted to be set apart from others for being our own voice, sharing our authenticity, and that’s truly impactful when it happens. It just stops when we try to follow the crowd, play small, and losing to make a stand.

Third is EGO. Ego that takes its form from all experience, making assumptions out of its presumed logical prowess, and yet causing so much pain when not put in check. We need it as our intellectual capability and to trigger courage or humbleness when used properly.

May I remember that I am love and it will blow my mind if my actions are toward the greater good of myself and others. May I always enjoy my uniqueness and share my story through my lens, and be a responsible human being that is part of a big world yet a world that is so much a part of me. May I keep my ego in check in meditation and prayer in order to act with a gentle peace, resolution, and forgiveness.

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[1: 1,905 of 10,000] Can I End It All?

In Journal on June 9, 2018 at 9:14 PM

Have you been following the news that Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain took their lives? I love Kate Spade items… I’ve owned her products because they are not very expensive but really pretty. I knew Anthony from sissy when she watched some episodes of The Layover which I now started to watch and finished Season 2 and he had a very interesting take on things from food, culture, hotel, and things to do in a place.

Last week, I was really in a bad place, having my buttons pushed from work. I feel disrespected and called lazy in a very subtle way. Some of it is true and I simply snapped and cave into my fight mode and ran repulsive feelings of I don’t need this job, I would rather quit and start my own thing, who the hell he thinks he is, and I was so frustrated that I’d rather die and quit life altogether. I know everything that I am saying is just me giving up instead of finding solutions to make things work the best way. I hear the things that are hurting myself. I’m glad my sissy talked to me, cried my heart out, then sleep, and enjoyed the weekend of doing the things that I love – nothing (lazy huh?) actually watching movies that made me feel better and listening to positive messages.

It feels easy to stop the pain by thinking if I die then all these sufferings will end but I am learning that life with God isn’t supposed to be that way. It was my hurt ego that was convulsing to the fact that my credentials and capabilities are being questioned. This is my chance to grow and after all the soul searching I found my peace and ready to go to work tomorrow with a fresh perspective and NO NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. It is also starting to push me to refocus and live towards the life that I wanted – travel, write, run a business empire, enjoy adventures with family and friends, and do things to make this world a better place than I found it.

[1: 1,897 of 10,000] Are you making plans?

In Journal on September 23, 2017 at 11:21 PM

Is it optimism or it’s just a mere confidence that when we do set the alarm for tomorrow, it means we are going to rise and live. Being alive where we breathe, there’s warmth in our body, and we have the choice to make hopefully good decisions for the day.

There was one time that I tried to sort out a plan for me in 10 years and I dreaded the result, I thought it was too predictable. I don’t remember what I wrote but if I have to guess they were probably small dreams that didn’t scare me, it did not trigger an excitement, and I don’t wonder why I just abandoned it.

Recently, I was feeling anxious with the absence of security and control in my life that I was experiencing difficulty to sleep; so I started devising my plan from September 2017 until end of 2018. I have big and small projects and I put the effort in writing it, printing it, and even putting it in a beautiful frame to remind me every single day. The plan made me calm down, found peace, and a clear sense of direction. For the first time, I love having a plan, I have a compass and I can focus on them. I just need to be disciplined to put real action points in calendar to make sure that they get done and I’m totally excited to make each one of them to come true. The key here is I am not being too hard on myself but I also held myself accountable; but most of all I am having fun.

What’s your latest plan?

[1: 1,887 of 10,000] Silence

In Journal on July 4, 2017 at 10:47 AM

My sister, my only flat mate, just left to have a vacation in Europe. I am left alone in our one bedroom apartment in Dubai. I couldn’t stand the silence for a long time knowing that I am alone and resulted to opening the television, playing something from Netflix through my laptop, or playing a podcast out loud from my phone. But when my sister is around, I love the wee hours where there is complete quietness and I can hear my raging thoughts, making plans for the future, and listing my graces that I’m grateful for.

There is a puzzle in my head that I couldn’t solve, my heart is restless and there’s struggle in my dreams when I sleep. I feel that I am close to solving it though, the pieces are all over the place but maybe I am missing a key, and I want desperately to finish in order to see the picture. I am haunted for not finishing and yet I also see the beauty of having it unfinished; but is settling with the unfinished showed that I got a mindset of a blind investor who did not calculate the risks?

I am worried, probably because of the Venti Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks or my body demands that I hit the gym. There are split moment that I caught myself to cease the worrying because it is not useful, but instead have the courage to do the work and show up to the things that I am passionate about, work to be great at it, or pursue to make it happen.

[1: 1,884 of 10,000] You Can’t Save Everybody

In Journal on June 6, 2017 at 10:14 PM

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Is it really preposterous to believe we can’t save everybody?

I believe everybody is unique hence every single one has different needs and yet don’t we really all want the same thing? Is there one ultimate destination that we wanted? Do we really want LOVE but we have various ways of rediscovering and reliving it? Is it important that we are one; or are we good as we are even with our flaws that could propel us to our greatness?

What is greatness? Is it finding the peace amidst the percepted chaos? Why do we get lost? Why do we succumb to evil or maltreatment? Why don’t we immediately feel conscientious as our compass to kindness?

Why do we doubt our essence that we are perfect, whole, and complete? Why did we forget that we are incredibly perfect, loved, and capable to love?

Does anybody really need saving? Maybe not saving, but we need reminders of who we truly are within so we can unlearn the things that clouded the real us. One a time, let us remind one another, and one at a time we do what’s loving (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Image Source: Save The Day

[1: 1,883 of 10,000] To Change A Habit Is Possible

In Journal on May 29, 2017 at 12:04 AM

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To change a habit is possible.

I have always preferred white sugar for my tea, because it is sweet and I don’t want to be part of the crowd who is too conscious about what they eat… it felt pretentious and involved a lot of work. I thought few white sugar couldn’t possibly turn me into a giant whale.  After few sessions at the gym with a watchful trainer, I decided that I can change and choose to be healthy.

At first, I will have to bear to eat foods that are healthy even if they don’t taste delectable to my palate, like using sweetener instead of a regular sugar. Eventually, I couldn’t really tell if it took more than a week and I could distinctly taste that the white sugar is “too sweet” and I couldn’t eat chocolates or cookies anymore knowing it is excessive with unhealthy sugar.

Habit like taste preference can be changed in my story, either for my betterment or to my detriment. The choice has always been mine, and it is only when I become open to try a new way that I will find out and ready to give my sincere effort. I can survive now without white sugar not because I am forced but I just accept that I could.

Photo source: Pinterest Site

[1: 1,882 of 10,000] My Eulogy

In Journal on May 27, 2017 at 3:59 PM

Life

She grouped the clothes hangers with the same color and type, she donated extra $5 twice to a fund raising to round off the collection, but she was never diagnosed with OCD because she never get herself tested.

It wasn’t OCD that lead to her passing because if you would expect her to keep a clean handwritten organizer then it would be the contrary because her calendar and to do list is all over the place, she admitted loving all the notes and mess because it is a sign of a life well lived and it is the same reason why she didn’t understand a clean rubber shoes.

Ideas flowed through her mind as air is easily available for men to breathe. She can fill pages of her random thoughts but mostly about philosophy especially what she knew for sure or almost believed so that is close to sure. That is another quality that we love about her, she speaks the truth and lived with integrity.

She lived her life without regrets. She thrived everyday. She had forgiven everyone especially herself. She touched our lives as she always said: “I care for you in the best way I knew how.” And it was indeed enough.

It will always be a joy to remember her, to have met her, and an example of a person who came and left this world better than she found it. Her endeavors with all new borns to be loved is remarkable. No baby is ever to be born with questioned dignity and perfection. She made us see that we are whole, complete, enough.

Photo source: Wall Paper Safari

[1: 1,881 of 10,000] Breathe

In Journal on May 26, 2017 at 6:44 PM

breathe

I read from a book that a deep meditation can bring someone to a trance, looking like he had fallen asleep then waking up feeling better. I want to experience that.

I want to feel complete surrender of the present, battle the demon in my mind, and then I open my eyes with enough courage to face reality with ease. Then I go again.

I couldn’t seat still because I am anxious about the future and the long list of things to do. The future that holds dreams like a prisoner and as I approach it get released little by little. I have to come to accept that the future holds no power, I must recognize that I live my reality now, a piece of the puzzle of my dreams.

Breathing is the sign of life. If it’s the sign of life, it matters what we breathe in, as it also matters what we breathe out. Breathe in the things that I am capable to control. Breathe out the things that are out of my control. Breathe in blessings and breathe out forgiveness. Breathe in love and breathe out love.

Breathe in… breathe out.

[1: 1,880 of 10,000] Learning Heartache

In Journal on May 25, 2017 at 1:36 PM

I don’t know if I have properly love somebody but I could certainly agree that I have obsessed with various men hoping that they love me back. Do they call that unrequited love? Or am I so cray cray that they ran as far and fast that they could?

In my search for true love, I go back to the Bible’s definition of it, I still believe it is the most legit to consult for the purest meaning of anything in life, didn’t they even put HOLY to emphasize the divinity of it? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is my go to definition.

What I learned though, at the very moment that I am in love (or obsessed) with someone, my mind constantly associate him in almost anything that I come across. It could be another movie star, a thing, and yet everything that reminds me of him totally vanished its power the moment I am over him.

I always thought I will never see Chris Pratt or Michael Fassbender the same way again because their lips remind me of somebody I thought I love; but now that I see these two movie stars, I couldn’t even remember his face clearly as I used to. I just laugh now whenever I remember the days that I was crying over him and getting jealous without even having the right position to do so. It’s messed up and I am relieved that I am over it.

To those who suffer with lost love, it’ll pass. You will heal and I say that without bitterness.

[1: 1,879 of 10,000] Learning Failure

In Journal on May 20, 2017 at 11:00 PM

I am avoiding making mistakes; then I forego the notion of daring the unknown. I am afraid that outside my comfort zone is equivalent to I am a failure. Yet the itch of not growing shouts so loud from my core.

I am avoiding disagreement with anyone; then I settle to being silent and not seeing the change of getting the present situation to improve for the better. I am afraid that I will not be heard and that my ideas are but a failure.

Will I stay afraid? I don’t want to not use my freedom to be great. I will entertain failure as my teacher. I will embrace mistakes so I may blossom.

Tonight I will sleep and when I see the sun rises tomorrow when I become awake, it is my sign that I have another chance to live life with courage.