Yor Ryeter

Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

[1: 1,992 of 10,000] The Eyes Of Source

In Journal on April 18, 2020 at 11:09 PM

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Every time I love a man, and even if it’s unrequited there is the genuine part in me that I could see their human fears, the reason why a relationship cannot work, and yet when I do shower the eyes of the Source, I can love them unconditionally.

I have my own lenses based on ego or fear too, and I know that they have theirs, but if we only drop the shield that blocks us to love, we can work any relationship.

I am capable of loving anyone. But romance, oh that kind of love, I also look for a man that sparks an attraction and excitement, someone that aligns with our individual calling in this lifetime, and that I’m getting ready for. Knowing what I value makes it easier to let go of what will not work for equal partnership.

May I always see with my heart not from my lens out of fears.

Photo by Michael Liao on Unsplash

[1: 1,991 of 10,000] Tarot Card Readings Make Me Wonder About Collective

In Journal on April 17, 2020 at 11:09 PM

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I’m a Gemini (my sun sign, where regular birth month falls) and apparently, there are other vital signs that I have to know like my rising sign, moon sign, Jupiter sign, and Venus sign. In the end, it means I should be checking four signs and see which resonates to me.

Readers of tarot card general readings in YouTube often say that they are tapping into different energies and it makes me wonder if they are sensing one individual or is the reading possibly resonate to more than one person? It then gets me to wonder that if there’s more than one person, then people are collectively having some general things happening to them all at the same time? Like, everyone is having a spiritual awakening, that type! Or is everyone’s ex-lovers coming back?

I do believe that we are all connected, and it could be true that we feel each other, and we move to one direction as a human race. I hope for the better after being quarantined, and we’re being asked to go within. At the same time, even if we’re all connected, each is still unique in their own rights that contribute to the creation of this reality.

Going back to tarot card reading, I should seriously stop, cold turkey stop. I am starting to see my obsession. It took me two hours to finish this blog post because I was watching several readings. Even my rational brain is tired of the incessant predictions when I could be doing something productive that could actually raise my vibration and move me onwards. I can’t deny though that these tarot card readers are helping me to understand a new language that is foreign to me.

Photo by Soulful Stock on Unsplash

[1: 1,990 of 10,000] What I’ve Learned After 110 Days Streak of Meditating

In Journal on April 11, 2020 at 8:00 PM

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My longest streak was 115 days then I got too busy to take care of my mindful need, but currently, I’m back on track and in my 110 days streak, and I hope to keep doing it for the rest of my life.

I usually do it after I wake up in the morning. I’m using the Calm app. I started with a guided meditation. I’m now trying to do a timed meditation of 15 minutes meaning just seating in silent on my yoga mat, always in the same place at my living room facing the window, with crossed leg and my thumb and index finger together (see gnome image).

Meditating taught me to find the stillness in my crowded and clouded mind. During the guided meditation, I was given several techniques on how to concentrate on my breathing. If my mind wanders to things that I need to do for the day, for instance, then I was taught to be kind to myself and simply bring back my attention to my breathing. Tamara Levitt has a soothing voice that made me feel cared for, blessed, and loved unconditionally.

Think about it, reality happens right this moment, and then it flees. It’s my mind that remembers that fill me with movies in my head, making the past to be present instead of me making a conscious and deliberate choice to do something new right now.

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[1: 1,985 of 10,000] Hard Is Temporary

In Journal on April 3, 2020 at 7:35 AM

Tiffany & Co

My favourite stories of hardship are the ones that end with beauty:

A diamond stone starts at the extraction from the ground, removal of excess rock, cleaving, sawing, bruiting/cutting, and polishing before it becomes one expensive jewellery.

A butterfly’s evolution started from being an egg, a larva, a pupa until it turns into a beautiful butterfly with magnificent wings.

Both stories looked so different from where they started because anything beautiful takes time. A seed needs time to grow. Patience is necessary to wait for the fruit. Hard is temporary.

I couldn’t stress enough that I have to remind myself that if I really want something glorious then I have to give my best, work for it, let go of my egoistic expectations, and then wait for the magic to unfold.

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”
Anonymous.

[1: 1,983 of 10,000] Speaking My Truth

In Journal on March 29, 2020 at 8:44 PM

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My soul is burning for love and I have been trying to find my way back into it. The Source that is boundless and eternal and it was a struggle when I fill my mind with streams of noise instead of letting the stillness in.

I have the blindspot for doing it faster like my life depended on it. I have lived so many lives, do I really need to rush or slow down and witness the unfolding of life before my eyes and marvel to its beauty?

Everything that I ever need is within me. I don’t need anyone to complete me. I have to be full to reach my ultimate potential and be the best creator that I can be just like the Source that intricately weaves us all together.

Life is vast and evolving and each of us is contributing to its infinite expansion. With that appreciation of every human life, it’s getting clearer, I love who I am and I am one with everyone. As much as I love everyone, we all have our different path, a burning desire to follow through. My journey doesn’t include bringing all souls with me; but I can try, I most certainly can try but not compulsory and not required because as I travel my own so does others. The enlightenment that we so seek will make the call, and we will not miss it, even if it means taking several lifetimes.

Nothing we do will ever be wrong because it’s a detour to make a shift. I see you and the content of your heart, I could never put the right words but I feel it. I will never be able to define love but I can feel it. When I do feel it, my tears roll not because of sadness but for its pureness of truth that clears the cloud of fears, doubts, and deceit.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

[1: 1,975 of 10,000] Huh! Childhood Hurt?

In Journal on February 5, 2020 at 11:58 PM

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My inner self knew that I am complete and I am loved but the fact that I have never let romance into my life, I am seriously unconsciously blocking it. I hired someone to coach me, well, anytime I needed to really learn and overcome something I sign up to work with the right person.

My parents never gave me up, nothing like that, but when my sister was born just eleven months after I was born, my grandmother (mom’s mom) happily volunteered to take care of me until she passed away and I started going to school so I moved back home.

Here’s the weird part, when I was asked to go back to my childhood memories, the moment when I started to feel unlove, I couldn’t remember it and I remember a business email I received even two or three years back. I can only rely on stories and then suddenly I started crying and my heart is breaking. It made sense that I got to be carefree and independent, believing that people leave because they die so there’s no point of investing on love and life, and the little me felt left out by my parents.

I am finally strong today to tell young Yor that I am here to love her unconditionally, she doesn’t need to be alone anymore, and we can make the best of life and not believing death is the answer to end a pain and get away from a broken heart. I am healing and for that I am grateful.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

 

[1: 1,972 of 10,000] You Made Me Feel At Home Los Angeles

In Journal on September 27, 2019 at 12:06 PM

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I was in Los Angeles, California early this month and I couldn’t believe that there was this light-good-vibe-aura feeling the moment I am in a taxi on the way to the hotel. Am I having my Don Draper moment? The air smells like beautiful dreams, except the corners of lingering weeds although users might be in dreamy state of another kind.

I am truly in love with the city. I could really imagine myself moving from Dubai to LA, so much so that I have sent a job application to an interior designer for the stars (haven’t heard from him, but I will soon, I have a good feeling about it, no not puffing weed here!)

I love the architecture, I love the beach, I love the mountains, the palm trees, and I love the fact that movies and television shows are made here. The entertainment world that I want to be part of. This motivates me to finish my novel and turn it into a movie one day.

Right now, dreaming of LA!

Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

[1: 1,969 of 10,000] Have You Answered ‘What’s My Purpose In Life’?

In Journal on July 14, 2019 at 5:07 PM

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At different times in my life, I have pulled out different answers and seek different places to help me come up with my answer.

The very first thing that made sense for me is I am here to spread the good news that there’s a God who created everything and I believe loves every human being. God is all-knowing that provides peace and the connection with everyone and everything. I don’t know everything and I don’t even have a language to describe my relationship with God but I’m contented for hearing about Him and I am spending the rest of my life deepening my relationship with Him through others and everything. The moment I have the sense of connection with God, feel His love and witness His miracles; I would like to share it with everyone so they may experience my joy.

Then added is I am here to create like my creator. I have a gift that can make me come alive whenever I am in the zone doing it. That whenever I am authentic for being myself, it inspires others to do great things. All because I am enjoying being me.

I am here to experience human life. To live in the present and love what is. To not believe the story that I create in my mind that is obsessed with worries, scarcity mentality, shame, and perfection.

My latest answer is I’m here to heal. I believed that people are born perfect but like my story, as I grow older, I have absorbed different pain including the pain of my parents that I forget my essence. I now believe that the first order is to take care of me and heal. To forgive myself and to examine my thoughts in order to make better choices in the present.

How about you, what is your purpose?

Photo by Michael Heuser on Unsplash

[1: 1,968 of 10,000] I’m Afraid

In Journal on July 14, 2019 at 3:02 PM

Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s the willingness to show up or be seen even there’s no guarantee. It’s the greatest and most accurate measure of courage.

Having the above lessons in mind, I am going to examine what I am afraid of.

  1. I’m afraid to be sick and depend on others. I saw my mother endure cancer and lost her health day by day. I’m afraid to be physically broken.
  2. I’m afraid to die alone. One of my adviser in college was living alone and he died at home because of health issues and he wasn’t found until some days had passed.
  3. I’m afraid to be old and useless.
  4. I’m afraid to be ridiculed and judged.
  5. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for the man I formalize in my mind to marry.
  6. I’m afraid that whatever I’m doing now isn’t useful for my future.
  7. I’m afraid to try new things to become a wealthier woman.
  8. I’m afraid to go broke and homeless.
  9. I’m afraid of being lonely.
  10. I’m afraid of being stagnant.

The bottom of it all, I really want love, to belong, and chasing worthiness. I never really stopped to inquire the above so I end up restless, clueless, and living without direction and passion.

What should I do now? I shall enjoy whatever I’m doing, to give my best and start with good intentions, to be grateful for all my blessings and miracles, to get proper rest and nourishment, and heal well so I may create, love, and be at peace.

[1: 1,966 of 10,000] I Am Getting Old (Yay!)

In Journal on July 4, 2019 at 2:03 PM

Hair stylist Nat told me that my feeling whether am old or young depends on my perception. Will I defy the fact that I am having grey hair more than I have last year and the hair color that I used doesn’t necessarily cover the truth that I am aging?

I am starting to feel like I am broken; like a piece of toy that has parts that are starting to crumble and I don’t know how to stop it. I try to exercise, eat well, meditate, met a psychic, and yet I feel like I don’t understand the transition that I am going through. There’s a cloud over my head and I can’t see clearly and my body isn’t cooperating.

I have to be honest, it scares me to be old. What if I start forgetting things? What if I couldn’t be creative anymore? What if I get really sick? What if I have a bad back and broken bones? Those were my fears but just that fears but not my reality yet; so I am not losing hope. I know that this too will roll over like the rest of the things in the world.