Yor Ryeter

Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

[1: 2,073 of 10,000] Silver Hair and Bangs

In Journal on May 17, 2022 at 5:17 PM

I went to a new hairdresser to have a new flavor of style. I met Melanie.

My hair was over the shoulder and I want to lighten up so I went for the shortest bob possible. The part came when she asked whether I like bangs and I answered no but she misunderstood and cut it.

Part of me was curious what bangs would look like since I’ve never gotten them again for years but the adult in me protest.

I didn’t make a big fuss about the one swoop of sheer because hair grows anyway. I do recognize though the comedy that I’m relating bangs with being a child and my sparse silver hairs say otherwise.

I’ve been coloring my hair since my late 30s to hide my silver hairs but this time I am being wise with my spending and at the same time facing how to show up authentically starting with showing my true hair colors.

It’s unnerving that I’m judging that my hair isn’t in its immaculate condition. I’m going to observe what will come first. (1) Will I color it again or (2) accept and appreciate the present locks that continue to grow.

[1: 2,072 of 10,000] Unraveling Irony

In Journal on May 15, 2022 at 12:32 AM

I used to wonder why irony exists.

Part of me wants a world that’s black and white. I am not a fan of grey area, it’s too vague and unnerving like a relationship status declaring “it’s complicated”.

I never forgot the story about a fisherman who was resting in a hammock. A businessman saw him and spoke about how he could dramatically expand his business into an empire. The humble fisherman inquired then what will I do after I’ve become the richest that I can be? The businessman answered then you can rest in your hammock.

The fisherman’s story looks like asking whether to pursue a simple life now or later? But to a person like me who has an interest in creating a business empire, I would push the boundary that a balanced life will have both wanting an improved life while practicing self-care at the end of each day.

The epiphany, there is no right or wrong answer. There’s no right or wrong path. There’s only experience that I can enjoy and keep improving. There’s an invitation that right now whatever feels right, be it. And my choice might look completely different than yours and that’s okay.

Our different choices are exactly what makes this world, this universe, and the collective consciousness keep evolving. And that’s perfect and beautiful. Keep honoring your own path!

[1: 2,068 of 10,000] Let Nature Be Free

In Journal on October 18, 2021 at 10:01 AM

I was in a WhatsApp Group, and one of the members saw a beautiful bird that accidentally flew into his office, and he decided to put it in a cage. Another wise member commented it was free, playing and exploring, and now a prison. It was a profound moment for me that these two people were teaching a valuable lesson.

We are all beautiful creatures free to explore, but we even choose to cage ourselves in situations that halt us from moving forward and growing in the moment.

We see beautiful humans, and we try to capture their essence in our grip; in our watchful eye, they couldn’t breathe. Love is free and allows the flow of life to happen, and we become a witness, not a control freak that stops our soul evolution.

May we find our strength in our uniqueness and courage to let each other blossom in our natural environment. Let nature be free, including the breathing human.

[1: 2,067 of 10,000] The Moment I Created Space

In Journal on October 15, 2021 at 3:00 PM

I’ve created space in my life that I allow life to flow. It’s a glorious feeling that I don’t doubt it because the peace emanating from within me is so strong I bathe in it with much delight. Just when I thought my art of allowing can get any better, it does and I’m so excited to share to everyone how to experience it.

It’s unapologetic but instead graceful in reflecting unconditional love back at me. There’s pureness in its language that there is no rush nor constraint only relaxed breathing space for energy to dance and play. What a journey that I’ve been through and then here I am, beaming with light.

I’m like a new born baby appreciating every tickle I grab out of life. Going back to an innocent eyes yet wide awake of how people thrive. I feel the dreams being created, planted, and shout out loud back to the Universe to be created and they’re glorious. Start with having fun and see the tragic comedy as a teacher with life lesson to be appreciated.

It’s an exhilarating blazing life in a beautiful world, join it! Offer what makes you joyful, offer it what frustrates you, offer it your creation, offer it your pain, and most of all offer it your reverence. Reverence you asked? Why not, you’re part of its co-creator.

[1: 2,065 of 10,000] My Choice Is My Life

In Journal on October 12, 2021 at 8:26 PM

I noticed that I have mental patterns like tempted to make excuses, put the blame on someone when I’m hurt, take on victim mentality, or simply pack up and leave without looking back. With those protective patterns, I know that I have to grow if I want to live free and empowered.

Life goes on with or without me, it just moves and evolves, the question is will I participate?

What I make out of my life starts from my decision whether it involves an action or inaction. It would be best that I am conscious and take responsibility in every choice that I make. It’s truly liberating the moment I stopped looking outside of myself and check in what do I really love, what is my truth.

It’s a beautiful world and I’d like to participate, to contribute my romance of optimism and curiosity, to create stories and poetries, and to hold space for love and forgiveness to rise. I’m healing every constraining patterns I’ve accumulated and inherited and it’s time for a rebirth to show others the way of lighting up and bloom where ever we are.

[1: 2,062 of 10,000] Plum Wine and Japan

In Journal on August 19, 2021 at 9:59 PM
When all I can use my AWAY cabin luggage is to hang my bags, dreaming traveling from a Tivoli poster and drinking Plum Wine from Japan

I’m drinking a four-year old plum wine from Japan tonight. Japan was the last country I’ve visited in February 2020 before the worldwide pandemic started. One sip of this sweet wine and I’m transported back to memories of good food and a broken heart.

I was told my past life was a merchant who travels a lot and enjoyed a comfortable life. If I don’t play my card right, I’ll be replicating the same thing, which would be a shame for the sake of human experience and not taking advantage of varieties. I know myself that I’m not a fan of repetition but there’s just one thing though I also need to overcome my willpower weakness.

Despite being a true adventurous at heart, I have a strong pull for foundation, rhythm and security. It sounded like being responsible to have a comfortable home, being out of debt, have friends that I can call and yet I have to keep questioning all my beliefs and redefine what I truly desire.

It all boils down to being creative and fine a new way of being. Speak up what’s in my heart and be courageous to go after what’s keeping my driven, not because I’m proving something to someone but because I have my own desire to make a new path that I feel drawn and I want my light to shine upon.

For days I’ve been questioning why do I choose to be alive? What’s the plan now? I’m cozy and comfortable but I don’t feel like I’m contributing enough, and then I pulled back and quiet myself, it was never about doing so much or so little, it was always about experiencing everything in the moment. It’s not missing the awe-ness of the fleeting second that will never come back but a memory.

There’s beauty in cycle. There’s sacredness in being part of life, yes, even if it’s just breathing without expectations or destinations. Enough about being too rigid of always accomplishing only to detest that I’ve never stopped to rest, to appreciate where I am. I’m tired competing even to myself without pausing to see the vision of the big picture.

Yet after some rest, I’m ready to keep moving again. My muse finally arrived.

[1: 2,059 of 10,000] Is My White Hair A Sign?

In Journal on July 23, 2021 at 6:12 PM
Photo by Evie S. on Unsplash

I have a little rectangular mirror on my desk, while the sun beams bright, I could clearly examine my face and hair. I turned forty-one this year and I’ve reached the age when biologically there’s remarkable appearance of white hair. I rely on coloring it from time to time not because I want to hide my age but because it didn’t look good having white roots only in some areas.

Seeing my white hairs, I do admit that I’m turning older each year. I could remember my childhood, my teens, my career life in a flash and all the people who I saw as me at this time when I was younger. I’ve called them auntie and now I’m the auntie. Being older, I certainly gained more wisdom and I take less bullshit from people.

Something in my psyche changed when I finally realized that I’m not going to have my young stamina and features and at some point I have to ask am I running out of time of living? Do I still have dreams that I needed to fulfill before it’s too late?

Call it midlife epiphany, but for once in my life, I am taking a chance on myself. I got fired early this year that’s the best thing that can happen to me, either that or I was half-asked to moved into a new country if I want to keep working in a corporate environment. I knew my soul is dying if I don’t change where I’m headed. The truth, I wanted to quit before I got fired, I wanted to get fired only to have a higher payout and start all over. This time I’m counting on my self on to a new path I’ve never imagined. The unknown.

This year, I’ve changed so much, I moved to a better apartment, I’m building my own business that involved a whole lot of spirituality, and I’m growing more white hairs. Is my white hair a sign of being courageous to start creating something that is true to my voice before I continue living in desperation and waking up uninspired?

I don’t know what is the end goal but I know I will keep on living in the moment where there’s always peace and when I’m breathing in and out I can find in my heart that all is well. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I will have a say about it, how I react and what I create in the moment.

[1: 2,058 of 10,000] Feeling Anew

In Journal on May 18, 2021 at 11:50 AM
Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

I feel like a butterfly that went through different forms, going through transformation. It’s both exciting and excruciating but absolutely rewarding. I still recognize the person in the past but every single moment that I’m living, I could feel my expansion, I’m move willingly to learn the essence of humanity and spirituality and then go forth to live it.

Every new connections that I make now dive in directly to what’s deep, what we’re longing in our heart, and finding the truth – individual truth without judgment nor hesitation to speak it loudly. I’ve lived long enough to finally get it that we’re all one and also standing unique in our own sovereign that’s eternally connected to Source.

Have you awaken yet? Have you start seeing the world more clearly? Do you recognize unconditional love? Do you see yours and other’s divinity? If you’re awake, you would know the feeling of easiness and going back to that ‘peace’ that has no expectations but just being. If you’re not yet awake, it’s okay, be gentle on yourself, and you can start with always looking for something that you appreciate to grow the ball of love within you.

[1: 2,057 of 10,000] New Book of Life

In Journal on April 9, 2021 at 10:52 AM
During my morning walk with my sister today, we saw the grasses with dews and she said the fairies worked their magic as she learned from the cartoon “The Fairly OddParents”. Photo credit: Jonas Weckschmied on Unsplash

I don’t always foresee when will a new blank book of my life needs to start because my human self have the fear of what if I’ll not be able to make it and the Universe let itself in and bring the right amount of shake up to lit my bun on fire. I’m moving!

In my previous books, I’ve let a lot of it unfold, unawake, I dip a bit of my toes but I’ve not fully immerse myself. I don’t regret it, I’m grateful instead that this time around I’m making new choices with my eyes wide awake, my body, soul and spirit are all in. I still don’t get everything right in alignment but I’m at a perfect spot that I’m contented and excited co-creating with the Universe.

I’m writing a new book of my life that involves starting my own business and likely to include moving to a new apartment. Fresh start that makes me smile, imagine new things, and surrender to little deliveries of magic into my way, after all I’m co-creating with full control of my emotions.

As I look back, I honor the steps I’ve made because I made the decisions based on what was true to me and my best at that time. I have full gratitude for the experience, for all that I’ve learned, the growth that I’ve gained only because I was there. My healing continues especially if I will keep on daring to fully live. With this new phase, there are tools that’ll be with be at all times –

  • I’ll never forget to have fun, to follow my joy, or what makes my heart fully smile
  • If I make mistake, I let my tears fall, I’ll be gentle on myself, be the first to forgive myself, and know that my pain is a lesson and opportunity for expansion
  • I’ll feel the sense of adventure, which means my definition of success may not always be the case that comes true, but I’ll keep saying yes to living in the moment, dust off and try again
  • I’ll keep showing up to heal people, to let people in to love me, and create arts that give me purpose to be alive

[1: 2,056 of 10,000] We Need Safe Knit

In Journal on March 14, 2021 at 8:53 PM

I always pretend that I am strong, it’s very rare that I will tell anyone that I’m hurting because I have not met a person who I believe is strong enough to carry the burden that I keep so close in my heart. To trick everyone especially myself, I always say that I am capable to handle it alone because how could I survived this long after all those traumas.

I may have survived my traumas but it came with consequences. For a long time, I have closed my heart and never let anyone to hear my truth, making me carry pains that could have been divided, healed, and transmuted. It took me a lifetime to recognize but it’s never too late to admit that I have to fully forgive my stubbornness, my fears, and my pride. I am strong but I needed help. There’s no one stronger than me to face my battle because they were meant to be mine to conquer but I don’t need to face them alone.

Life on Earth is limited and it’s crazy how I have fallen to close off my world and only stick to what’s familiar. How I run away to not repeat the same mistake of getting hurt yet still bruising my chance to trust because each person and each circumstance comes with unique gift and different outcome depending on my attitude coming in.

What it all boils down? We need to start forging new and lasting friendships. We need connection with others because living alone is pretty lonely. May I finally find new friends that I can show up without editing myself because I am seen and heard anytime. That’s why I like blogging because I pretend that you’re my friend and I never edit myself.

Photo credit: Katarzyna Grabowska on Unsplash