Yor Ryeter

Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

[1: 1,960 of 10,000] A Good Feeling About 2019

In Journal on January 1, 2019 at 3:01 PM

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I love new beginnings and I do recognize the struggles that sometimes go with it but last night before the midnight struck 12:01 to officially welcome 2019, I feel the surge of excitement and peace.

2018 is so last year and I am ready for 2019 and achieve key goals that I intend to accomplish. I keep it really tight and focus on 5 things:

  1. Save and Invest – I have to take care of myself and my future, I would do what I have to do right now so I can do want I want to do later on (referencing to a reflection of a line from ‘The Great Debaters.’) I know living in the present is important but living with freedom without worrying about the necessities in life is the dream.
  2. Write a book – I am ready for my second book to publish in Amazon and I am excited that I have the concept in place and even the root intention. I’m excited to create again. This is actually making me feel so alive, I have to create something to know that I am living a purpose.
  3. CALM + KINDNESS + PEACE – Brandon Burchard has questions at the end of the day, “Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?” and I have been searching my three things and for this year especially I have drilled it down to calm, kindness and peace for a pretty good reason.
    • Calm because I have the tendency to worry and when I freeze then I couldn’t act, and I don’t like that feeling anymore, so calm to have the action to accept the situation and not overthink it.
    • Kindness because when I lose my bearing (lack of sleep or overwhelmed) I turned into a disaster blabber and monster. Everyone has their own demons to combat and I don’t need to be part of their demon to deal with.
    • Peace will always be my ultimate compass that will not change until the end of my life. Love is equally important but peace means I get to go to bed and enjoy my dream.
  4. No more late submission at work – I know that I am turning more irresponsible at work. I could already sense that I am not happy with how things are running in the company but I still recognize that when I love what am doing I lose track of time. I need the job for a practical reason and there’s no reason that I have to be a pain to anyone by doing late works, so this year, I’ll be determined and focused.
  5. Learn to speak, read, and write Arabic – I’ve been in the Middle East for 10 years and I can’t speak, read, or write their language and it’s frustrating at work that I am not fully equipped so this year I finally decided to learn a new skill.

Aside from the 5 above, I would be mindful that I get good sleep daily (at least 7 hours), pray (as soon as I wake up and go to bed), meditate daily (usually I do 15-minutes but I think am ready for 20-minutes – will try this tomorrow and see how it feels), get fit and move 30 minutes daily, journal 1 sentence a day (which I’ve done for 1 full year in 2018), and finally feed my body, mind, and spirit with good food.

What are your goals for 2019, are you all set too and excited like me?

Photo source:Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

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[1: 1,959 of 10,000] Loving Even The Imperfection

In Journal on December 5, 2018 at 8:20 PM

I have a new appreciation for not living aiming for perfection and efficiency inspired by the podcast of Rob Bell, The RobCast, Episode 220. I always have the desire to achieve the best works, which means it has the ingredients of being perfect from conceptualization, development, and completion. I do pressure myself of always pursuing perfection.

Yet what I heard/grasp from the sermon (digitally delivered) is imperfection is as beautiful as the perfect one because it was meant to happened that way. It makes more sense when I add it with what I’ve always believed, “everything happens for a reason and nothing is ever wasted,” and this includes all the problems that are often hard and ugly including the memories that I have the habit of escaping and intentionally forgetting to avoid reliving the pain.

Everything is interconnected and one incident leads to another. Nothing is ever a mistake but a wall leads to a detour, another adventure, or to prove to oneself how much something is wanted that I’ll exert all strength that I have to break the wall. It helps that I often lean to optimism when talking about disheartening situations, but now with the new found appreciation, I found a kind of peace and surrender of what is.

[1: 1,958 of 10,000] Patience Vs. Instant Gratification

In Journal on November 30, 2018 at 10:51 AM

I remember when I was a teenager, I thought life is so hard that I am willing to die and make a deal with the devil to make sure I feel better. I try to recollect what were my disappointments before and what pops up is I don’t feel pretty enough and I am not smart enough to be on top of our class.

Now that I’ve experienced the peace when I am truly connected to God, I wondered why would I ever believe the devil will be able to provide what I seemed to feel that I am missing in my life… and it daunts on me that my humanity is looking for instant gratification.

I am beginning to appreciate the advantage of PATIENCE because it is one of the perfect qualities of God. Do not worry about the past and the future but I am to do my best right now. It takes seasons for a flower to bloom and flourish. What I am now is because I’ve endured different experiences and if I was bold enough to learn then I am stronger today.

Being bad and rebelious is not about leaning to the wrong side, if I silent my human weaknesses and lean on the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, my burdens are light and my day is meaningful. I have to practice that muscle and never again will I give in to complacency and rush of getting material accolade instantly. I will enjoy the process, the journey, and celebrate the fruition that culminates an end… and then be brave to begin again.

[1: 1,957 of 10,000] Oh The Confident To Live Long

In Journal on November 23, 2018 at 12:15 PM

My dad died at 49 and my mom died at 58 because of unhealthy living. At 38 I do think about my mortality, I do wonder where will my remains be buried especially that I am not yet rooted in any country. How will I die without causing any distress or inconvenience to my sisters who will be the point person for my body?

Leaving the thought of morbidity aside, I have the desire to live my life without thinking about the future too much. I don’t always have the fascination to make plans that I’ll follow through and there’s that downside that I end up clueless about where will I go then? I am more concerned that I am enjoying my life now. I have the courage to try extreme sports like skydiving because what is life without excitement.

Oh, the confident whenever I go to bed at night thinking I’d wake up with a sunlight the next day. Oh, the confidence that I have many more chances to take a route different from yesterday.

[1: 1,956 of 10,000] It Wasn’t Just Me

In Journal on November 20, 2018 at 7:26 PM

For months I was stalling very important works only for all those tasks to catch up on me when the event was about to happen. I was so nervous! I let my emotion as my benchmark whether to show up to my responsibility, it wasn’t like me at all. My made up dissatisfaction and feeling uninspired crept me up so much that it froze me to do what I need to do in my job. So days before the event, I was working like crazy, 24 hours wasn’t enough, and so my last resort was to call my Hail Mary.

I prayed to God that the event will run smoothly. Whatever great things will be in His glory, and whatever screw up are my lessons to learn. After all the worries for how many months, the event was finally over and it was a success in the eyes of those who are not part of the organizing committee. I have received praises and I couldn’t take full credit for them because I know in my heart that it wasn’t just me, I have magical help to vanish my worries.

Are you worried about something right now? Pray. God listens to us and whatever fear we have He’ll help us through it if we let Him. When we walk with love instead of fear, we triumph.

[1: 1,953 of 10,000] Living A Decade In Dubai

In Journal on September 23, 2018 at 6:23 PM

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2001 was my first attempt of living in Dubai that only lasted for 6 months. I left when my body was literally bursting skin allergy due to stress caused by my sales job, constantly outdoor, and a part of it is introducing condoms to hypermarkets and hotel shops. Then in 2008, I came back, and I never thought I would ever step in this country again after my not so endearing first-time experience, but 10 years later I’m still here and not in a hurry to leave because I like my job being in the healthcare industry.

Here are the 10 things that a decade of living in Dubai has made me experience:

  1. In my early days, there is a different impression towards women, like men entice women to get into their car that sort of uneasy feeling. I do hope that’s not the case now, I don’t experience it anymore, maybe because I now lived in a better neighborhood or it completely stopped.
  2. I am grateful that I am in a pretty awesome apartment and a quiet neighborhood where there is a proper and charming boardwalk that I can use for jogging.
  3. The feeling of security that I will never be robbed in broad daylight or even if you accidentally left your house open overnight. My sister forgot her mobile phone from mall shops several times, and we always get it back.
  4. I have experienced working in a company that didn’t pay salary on time. I’ve heard from employees today that they don’t get paid on time even if they try to resolve it through the labor office. It’s not fair that companies do this especially that expat are here to work to support their loved ones back home. I also don’t like it that some companies pay a meager salary, taking advantage to people who were trying their best to stay in the country before their visa expires. After 4 companies, my 5th was when I knew what I am looking for and I knew exactly what I was demanding. Great companies exist.
  5. I love it that Dubai always offers something shiny and new to residents and tourists.  It may be a city that has malls open until midnight or even at 2am during Ramadan, but it still sleeps. There are moments that I am still wide awake at 3am and I watch the quiet street and the thought that most people are in their dreams at those moments, that’s absolutely giving me comfort, to be a witness of the subtle energy. It’s one of the reasons I like living in the city, it is alive by day and sleeps at night.
  6. If you have the money, you can enter anywhere. There are probably very exclusive places but most of the time, when you have the cash, then you’ll be able to experience luxury. I like the fact that it doesn’t discriminate. This is also the reason why I am always tempted to spent instead of learning to save.
  7. Having a residence visa in UAE allowed me to easily secure other visas to visit other countries. I felt that it’s easier to travel abroad and it’s such a wonderful feeling that I can be anywhere I fancy.
  8. The weather usually is hot or hotter (42-degree Celsius) but during winter time (14-degree Celcius) it is possible to enjoy alfresco dining and makes you want sun again. Despite the country being too hot, all establishments are equipped with airconditioning unit including the little grocery nestled within communities.
  9. You don’t see beggars or homeless scattered anywhere. I’ve been to Australia and France, and it shocked me to see people living in the streets, they also scare me a little that I try to avoid them and avoided eye contact.
  10. The Emiratis that I’ve encountered are very humble and welcoming to foreigners. It makes me feel at home. Last June, I went back to the Philippines for 12 days (after 6 years of not visiting), and I felt more at home to come back to Dubai. So right now, Dubai is my home.

[1: 1,952 of 10,000] What’s My Story To Tell?

In Journal on September 22, 2018 at 10:39 AM

I have moved through life for 38 years, and I could recognize the phases:

Young me was playful. It was the 80s, and I adore running outside, playing ball with the neighborhood, riding a bike and even hit by a bike by my childhood crush (entirely my fault, I thought I was invisible), and going out to a resort for a summer swim.

Teenage me was grumpy. Some even assumed am a tomboy with my baseball cap backward and not into prim and proper. I am not a lesbian, I totally shut down when a lesbian showed interest in me, I ran away. I also ran away when men court me, and I don’t like them, I freak out and stop all connection. My mother taught me that when I don’t like someone, keep wide proximity, and so I did. This was the best year though that I wanted to be alone and just write my own version of novels where my schoolmates lined up to read. I love my imagination at this time.

The collegiate me was all about getting into a good university and scoring high grades to be in the dean’s list. I love the library, I remembered the first time I tried to use the Internet from a PC, and I didn’t have a clue navigating the Yahoo! site. I still have my Yahoo! email. I got what I’ve dreamed of, being part of the literary group and was the Editor-In-Chief of the college yearbook and surprised the school President that I can produce it, she lost fate that it’ll be out that she didn’t even bother to write us a message, one dean gave us a recycled message from last year. It was a tragic history of yearbooks that are not produced all because the students didn’t meet up the expectation and took the privilege of being given the free range, I loved it and was up to accomplish a project. It was so humble though that when we were distributing, the school president went there to ask for a copy, I was planning to give her one, but I got to serve my customer first, the students who paid.

I grew up with entrepreneur parents but I saw them struggled in their businesses that I said I’ll be an employee so I won’t be thinking about the whole company, so I did apply for a job and landed one two months after graduating from college. It was fascinating to go to work, I was nervous, shy, and found out if I was absent from work I’ll have a salary deduction, the adult consequence of not showing up huh! I was lucky to join an IT company that launched some firsts in the Philippines, I was surrounded by smart young people like me. My dearest adult friends today I met at my first work company.

My father died in 2002 of a heart attack at 49 years old. My mother passed away due to cancer in 2012 at 58 years old. These deaths of my parents make me long for parents that I will never have. My signature demonstrates that I am hung up with the past, so I have to create a new story. My parents were not on good terms during the latter part of their lives, from being the Romeo & Juliet that defy all odds to they’re are tired of one another.

Fast forward to today, 17 years as an employee and one time having attempted at managing a business with my uncle financing it that failed, I am in an entirely new headspace. I like pretty things and ladylike, no more baseball cap but sun hats. I am in constant search for meaning to make my life worthy and not just existing. I have published an eBook on Amazon, and I am challenging myself to release some more. I’m still not married, but I’m entertaining the idea including becoming a mother. I know that being a parent is not easy, but I also believe that I was never 100% ready of anything, I needed people and I needed a load of help from God.

If there’s one thing I will never indulge now, I will not fall for self-pity, and I will be mindful of recognizing silly things that will distract me. I have to write down my dreams, my goals, my plans, and take the necessary step to make it happen; after giving all my best and knowing my intentions are in check, that I would be willing to surrender the result to God. Most of all, I am in my journey to see everyone as equal, I have built my own biases over the years, and I am on the work of shattering them. All in all, I am grateful with my current life, I am very contented and happy; contented not in the sense that I am not going to improve anymore but the mere fact that I can appreciate what is right now.

You’ve reached all the way here, thanks for reading my short story, so how about you, what is your story to tell?

[1: 1,950 of 10,000] Do You Dream of World Peace?

In Journal on September 19, 2018 at 6:00 AM

Are you dreaming of world peace? If yes, the best way to act and contribute to it is to have peace within yourself and be the peace for the ones that surround you and for whose lives you interact and touch.

Whatever you think you wish for the biggest crowd, always go back to the source, be that. I believe when we trust to be the best that we can be, we can create a movement in our circle that grows bigger and wider.

If you wish for receiving love, give love. If you wish for receiving forgiveness, give forgiveness. If you wish for receiving grace, give grace. If you wish for receiving success, serve. If you wish to complete a task, give the time and best effort.

May we wish for something nice and may we gain wisdom and have the courage to give what we wish for somebody else.

[1: 1,949 of 10,000] A Heart That Loves

In Journal on September 19, 2018 at 12:06 AM

My biggest weakness is believing that I am separate from others, that I am either superior or inferior, I am still not able to eloquently communicate, but I hope I am growing more mature every day. I am more open to seeing beyond the exterior and shallowness of things but to see the part of a person that we call a heart that loves and the immortal soul.

I grow up exposed to the idea that everybody has a soul but only recently that I learned that the soul has always been our essence and the one thing that connects everyone up to the extent to the divine. Our pure and perfect soul knows endless love but it forgets, or it gets blocked by the human experience.

I believe that God exists and He loves me unconditionally, and that leaves me in pure awe, and it makes me feel grateful all the time. I am growing my faith and believe that I need to surrender to His will and give Him glory with the noble works of my hands, by living my authentic self, and by doing the best that I can to live this life with enthusiasm.

I don’t know what the future brings, I used to be so obsessed with the unknown, but slowly right now I want to live with intentions and focus on what’s essential that gives me joy and oh to remind myself to enjoy when I feel so overwhelmed. I make plans that are in the trajectory of creating something that speaks I hope about my essence and then I am in constant prayer that whatever I do is aligned with God’s majestic plan.

[1: 1,948 of 10,000] WOEAIHF? Day 42 of 42

In Journal on September 15, 2018 at 8:31 AM

WOEAIHF is Rick Warren’s “What On Earth Am I Here For?” book.

Day 42: The people-pleaser trap

Rick warned and started with the question, “Whose approval are you living for?” And he then continued, “People-pleasing is the flip side of envy. Envy says, ‘I must be like you to be happy!’ People-pleasing says, ‘I must be liked by you to be happy.'” The only approval that I must seek is God’s so I won’t lose the grip of my life. With God, I will never feel insecure because He will never reject me and it’s the right path.

May I have the courage to be confident to do my life’s mission and speak about the love of God without fearing what others may think and never doubt my testimony. I will seek God’s help to break free when I am in the mute and inaction situations.

It was indeed enlightening that even God can’t please and make all happy because we were given the free will that we have to choose to know and follow Him.

And with that, I also share a prayer from Rick Warren that ended this book journey but the beginning of a meaningful and beautiful life: My sincere prayer is that you will begin to experience all that God has in store for you. “No mere man has ever seen, heard, or even imagined what wonderful things God has ready for those who love the Lord!”