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[1: 2,063 of 10,000] Pissed At Steve Carell Playing Mitch Kessler

In Article on August 30, 2021 at 9:15 PM

Last weekend I watched the first season of The Morning Show and Steve Carell played the character Mitch Kessler and I’m so pissed at him. My mind couldn’t separate the actor from the character, he played it so well my blood is boiling that I hated him. It’s a serious sign that I have my own sexual trauma and it’s coming out of the surface. He wasn’t aware that he caused torment to different women in the workplace.

I can totally relate to the women who preferred to freeze and silent themselves because we were never trained how to react when men has advancement that is outright offensive and wrong. I can remember being harassed and I didn’t know how to react. I’ve experienced strangers inappropriately brushing their hand inappropriately and I’m shocked, run away and cried, in one incident it even happened inside a church during a vacation in Jordan. Previous colleagues suggesting to go into relationship with them despite the common knowledge that they’re married. I know that there are still a lot of decent men out there but it doesn’t change the fact too that there are who are blatantly indecent.

Girls and ladies, as Dr. Shefali wrote on the book A Radical Awakening, “The tragedy isn’t just that these men did what they did to a defenseless young girl, as males do to millions of females around the globe. The real tragedy is that our mothers, aunts, and female teachers don’t tell us how to prepare for it. No one told me that I was prey. By being aware of this, you won’t be caught off guard. You will be vigilant, ever present. You will protect yourself as wisely as you can, knowing that even when you do so you will fall to unwanted advances. As soon as this happens, you are to call on your sisters or one of us. You are to reach out for help. You are to speak up and speak out against any abuse. There is no shame in being a victim of a predator. It is not your fault if this happens.”

No one deserves to be violated of their privacy and sacred space. We have to react to stop it, protect ourselves and speak out on the spot! As scary as it can be, let’s try our very best to not freeze and say we’re not condoning it.

[1: 2,061 of 10,000] Earth And Eather Collide

In Article on August 9, 2021 at 7:48 PM
Photo Gratitude: Simone Pellegrini, Unsplash.com

Awakening to a bigger consciousness than my current miniature lifetime is making me fly so high. I lost my fears of conforming to what is culturally accepted, including beliefs I’ve been raised to; instead, I’m questioning everything. I’ve learned to pause and push, the intensity of polar opposites only to return to fireworks that trickle down to peace and inspired creation. I’m trying to ground my thoughts, or is this what it’s all about? I’ve changed.

It’s time to answer the call for new ways of being. I can’t go back to living like a zombie, ignoring a tug inside me to love everyone… EVERYONE. My mind trained in individuality is holding on to establish its boundary, yet my Soul is breaking my heart open and asking me to see everyone, REALLY SEE EVERYONE. I imagine a mirror out whenever I interact with anyone and remember that whatever I do to someone, I do to me; if we always remember this, we’ll be a kinder and compassionate world.

[1: 2,060 of 10,000] Brutal Honesty

In Article on August 6, 2021 at 1:56 PM
Photo credit: Sharon McCutcheon

I’m reaching the old age of brutal honesty. The desire of not going in for a small talk but drive right in with what our soul is longing to discuss, real experience that truly matters to us, no lies, no fake-ness. I do worry a little that when I show up brash that I’ll be seen as a lunatic, impolite, out of this world.

I am conscious that whenever I enter into a conversation that I remain honest, I will never say I want this if I don’t or that’s gorgeous if it’s not, but I’m torn on the part to say it’s not my taste because I don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings. I was in that situation several times and I’ve felt people got bruised and I do kind of question the lines, “If you have nothing nice to say, be silent” and then I would rather go to the lane of “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. I’m finding the balance of saying what’s my feelings but in a compassionate delivery because after all we are in our own journey. What I see useless and reckless is a journey that someone needs to discover of their own and it’s not like I got life figured out.

Where is this all coming from? I got triggered that I’m foreseen as weak when I was practicing my sage-ness, and I need to look at myself and my dichotomy to the existence of others who I am choosing to be part of my life. It was such a clear revelation that I’m freeing myself from any form of attachment because I would always choose myself, what makes me whole and the world will align to my vibration. It’s really fascinating to witness it play.

One thing I’m sure of though, I’m quite peaceful to where I am. I don’t have the drama that most of my age worry about. I’m grateful for that and I also have the inner knowing that it’s because I am meant to do more than I can imagine, to make new adventure to happen, new way of thinking and operating in this rebirthing world.

[1: 2,054 of 10,000] If The Beatles Becomes Jack Malik

In Article on February 26, 2021 at 9:53 PM

I’ve watched Yesterday and there are two striking moments that I enjoyed about the story.

The premise was Jack Malik seemed to be the only person who knew about The Beatles after a freak worldwide blackout. Spoiler alert coming! A big reveal suddenly showed there are two other people who still remembered The Beatles and they’ve confronted Jack that they knew who is he copying from. He was so scared that they will get him arrested for claiming the genius of The Beatles only for them to say, “Well, we just wanted to say thank you, that’s all. We three seem to be the only ones who remember, and we can’t sing, so we just wanted to say, thanks very much. It’s just lovely to hear the songs. A world without The Beatles is a world that’s infinitely worse. Use it well.”

It was a beautiful surprise, it wasn’t accusative, but simply opening a space for appreciation by people who remember what’s true. The fame, money and influence weren’t the aim, but the embracing the pureness and be in awe of the art. I remembered in college, someone from another university copied my original poem and published it in their literary folio, and when I saw it, I just chuckled, flattered, and now I have a new appreciation that I hope someone got inspired reading the words. The world needs generosity, yes it is still right to give credit to whom it’s due, but there’s more if an art is freely shared because it’s an expression of our Soul.

The movie ends with Jack living a simple life with the love of his life and their two children. He was honest of himself that his genius isn’t about claiming the work of others but being true to who he is. I myself do love the comfortable life, I’m scared of starting over to pursue a creative career, I question if will I strongly and forever connect and co-create with my muse so the work that will be produced through me matters to awaken my fellow beings, and yet I know if I don’t live that in this lifetime then I’m depriving my Spirit to freely express its most authentic Self.

[1: 2,052 of 10,000] My 2021 Minimalism Project

In Article on February 22, 2021 at 8:31 PM

I pose myself a challenge to embrace a sense of minimalism in 2021.

Ground rules:

  • Declutter my belongings by giving it away or cleaning up and saying good bye for good.
  • I also take another step that I won’t be purchasing any material things for myself except the consumable necessities like toiletry and food. Instead, I’ll book or buy myself experience like getting a new hair color, a massage, or a hypnosis session.

How am I doing so far with two months almost closing in?

  • I was able to clean my closet and other home items that I gave away to someone who may benefit from it.
  • I’ve clean up some of my scrap books but I know I can do better for this and I’ll schedule that in April.
  • I also need to revisit my journals, notebooks and notes whether to type it out or throw since I’ve outgrown the ideas I’ve captured or moving forward I have to be a more organized creator.
  • I can do better for our household supplies, to edit and then store nicely.
  • I wasn’t able to stop myself to purchase two new books and two new blouses but for some lucky turn of events, I’ve won a cash prize that would right off the cost. I’ve given away books and clothes so the new stuff did find a place in my library and closet.

What changed in me in this project?

  • I have a habit of buying items on a spur of the moment, that’s out of my therapy.
  • Since there is a global pandemic and I don’t plan to travel, I am more comfortable that I don’t need to create looks.
  • I did notice that I am giving more care to the clothes that I have because I know they’re all I’ve got and I’m grateful that I own the things that gives me joy or fits me.
  • I feel much calmer that our home is even less heavier and it’s giving me a great breathing space. The items I have becomes more intentional and sacred that delight me.
  • I feel accomplished and proud of myself that I am going to save more by the end of the year to fund my passion project and I save time from shopping material things and instead devote time to learning and writing.
  • The environment must approved that I’m not accumulating things but I’m enriching my soul with the experience that I focus instead.

It’s ten more months and it feels nice challenging myself to shift my mind and stop my usual go-to materialistic nature. I have nothing to prove to myself but the feeling of gratification that I love the comfort that my home brings me and I’m grateful to the life that I co-create with the Universe.

Photo credit: Samantha Gades on Unsplash

[1: 2,050 of 10,000] Making Mundane Sacred

In Article on February 8, 2021 at 1:26 PM

I have several household chores that I dread to do. I’ve noticed though that when I’m well rested, they are not dreadful at all. There used to be one though, washing the dishes. I don’t have automatic dishwasher, never experienced having one, and after some acceptance and facing my demons I’ve made it a sacred act.

If you’re wondering how the hell can washing dishes subject me to face my shadows. There was one time that I did the dishes and I was criticized by my mother that I didn’t do a good job. If I took it as a constructive criticism, it would have been over because I did miss a spot not because I was sloppy but I really didn’t pay attention. It was an honest mistake and it hurt my feelings. There were a period that I avoided washing dishes fretting, “What’s the point, am not good at doing it anyway.”

Eventually, our home was reduced to two people, so this time around, I have no excuse not to wash dishes, especially that my housemate (youngest sibling) don’t like to clean cook wares and loves baking (let that sink in, baking means using different measurement cups and spoons and a whole lot of things). This time, the anxiety that I built up is feeling obliged and dragged to keep our sink clean, which means empty from dirty dishes. There are moments that the pressure I give myself makes me bring out my ugly side, procrastination (dreading to finish a task), losing sleep, and feeling disappointed of myself. I know right, the simple task of dishwashing can arouse all these emotions.

Washing dishes may be a mundane or ordinary to anyone else, but it was my teacher. Then I came across the notion of what my hands touch and work on is sacred. It changes everything because it invites me to enjoy the whole process. It calls me to remember my strength and what I’m grateful for. I am a very organized person, and I love how I categorized glasses and utensils like a marching band putting a show. I delight to the bubbles that I create, the satisfaction when I removed a grease successfully (thanks to Fairy dishwashing liquid, not sponsored), and the best part is allowing the flow of water wash away the food that was shared with love, laughters and reverence.

P.S. I don’t stress out if there are days that I don’t clean the dishes right away. It was never a point where it smells and create an atomic disaster, but I know when I’m doing the dishes, it’s a sacred space for moments to marvel that I’ve grown as a human being.

[1: 2,049 of 10,000] Not Face Value, Value

In Article on January 30, 2021 at 9:38 AM

I purchased three new books from a store and my sister was with me. For each title, she selected the most pristine condition that she could get her hands on. As soon as we’re home, I found out that one of the blue covered book stained the flesh covered one. Not only that, I also found one of the pages has natural paper tearing and when I removed the stripped of barcode at the back, left ugly tear. I like nice things and yet I wasn’t vexed about it because the value of the book wasn’t on the covered or the material, it’s in the written words and what it’ll make me imagine.

I remembered one of Casey Neistat’s vlogs where he created his custom shades meaning adding paint and scratching a new Ray-Ban sunglasses to make it suitable to his vibe. He called it, “creative destruction” to make something of his own and that includes scrapping the label.

I cannot treat life as too precious that I don’t go out and live. Let’s do something daring today? Let’s love unconditionally without the labels, without walls and boundaries, and most especially without judgment. Go!

[1: 2,045 of 10,000] Come In Naked

In Article on December 16, 2020 at 9:41 PM

I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom about a deeper meaning of life this year. The new inner knowing elevated my eyes in seeing everything and my role in it in a whole new way.

There are moments that I struggle connecting the new knowing to break my old patterns and I’ve discovered that when I come in naked into a situation, no pre-conceived expectation, no judgment, but an openness to listen instead of starting a sentence with “I know what they’ll say.” The fact that every single moment I’m evolving, growing, and experiencing conscious ascension I should listen. When I quiet my mind, when I remove the clutter, I will seat still and see what will resonate especially if I’m interacting with a new person.

I’m learning, I’m being patient with my progress, I’m forgiving with my reactions, attitudes, and for healing my wounds. My mind can be so busy, cramming for answers and clinging on fears, so I don’t take rest for granted and allow my whole being to rejuventate. When my whole being is nourished, I can come in truly naked.

Photo credit: Fabrice Villard on Unsplash

[1: 2,041 of 10,000] Indignant

In Article on December 11, 2020 at 10:56 AM

The other day, I was on my bed at ten and that’s miraculously early for my current mind preference to rest (which is totally a wrong decision for my monkey mind). It gave me a time to have three different dreams.

First, I was in a wedding of Scott who seemed to have a secret agenda towards his wife and I have a written proof (I don’t know a real Scott in real life). Second, I was traveling in India with my mother who already passed in real life (India is likely to be one of the last countries I would want to visit). Third, the most brutal dream I’ve ever have, captivated and was sentenced to be in prison for a month and I was screaming to get my freedom.

In my dream, I was furious to be stripped off my freedom. I think back of Mandela who endured to be in prison and there’s so much grace in that. I was fighting and I would rather kill myself than to be imprisoned on the hands of bullies. Now that am fully awake, I know that I will never agree for unjust imprisonment. Our birthright is having free will, not even God mess up with that, no divine intervention unless we give our permission.

May we all see the path to our freedom to live the life that fully brings joy and expansion to our human experience.

Photo credit: Maico Pereira on Unsplash

[1: 2,036 of 10,000] Eckhart’s Point of Staying Awake

In Article on December 5, 2020 at 11:01 AM

There was one video wherein I remembered Eckhart Tolle saying he wanted to stay awake and not to go to bed too soon to enjoy the present moment. I finally understood what he meant. I could feel the flow of joy running through my veins, my mind stops worrying and I could see every single beautiful things surrounding me. I wanted to bathe in that moment of peace and unconditional love.

I don’t do that often though because as a human being, I get tired, I get sleepy, I got work in the morning and I needed my brain well rested to function and produce good works. As much as I wanted to soak the goodness of being truly present, I let go and marvel of the point that sleeping is another form of meditation, releasing any resistance for Life Force to flow through me.

Photo credit: JoelValve on Unsplash