[1: 2,079 of 10,000] Thank You Negative a.k.a. Contrast

Some things were quickly labeled as negative, unhealthy, and misfortune. Honor those moments because they show you what you don’t like and point you to the opposite that you want or best to identify as CONTRAST. I am here to tell you that thank them, even if they are heartbreaking, excruciatingly painful, and you almost want to give up life.

When you’ve done personal growth, you get to appreciate life in its entirety. You don’t get to be scared only to pick what is good, but there’s a big-picture appreciation of everything. Oh, you beautiful soul who came to Earth to experience the textures of life and is willing to evolve higher in consciousness.

When you’re feeling a little down, put on a tune and dance. Do what lifts your Spirit or rest if needed, but don’t give up life. You may not see it, but ALL IS WELL.

[1: 2,078 of 10,000] What Do I Want?

Life can sometimes feel so mundane and uneventful, and it isn’t life’s fault; it’s my responsibility to move and engage.

I sometimes play scenes in my head, put myself in others’ shoes, and yet I shrug to not see through the dream because it has to be living my own brew.

Life asks what I want, and I’d answer I like the excitement of feeling a glimpse of love and lust. I like to catch my breath while lost for words to describe what I witness. I like to travel the world of imagination where no one can’t keep me or drag me out. I want to bring delight and light to a space, to play the tunes of hope while people dance without hesitation. I want to live without caring about calculations but deadly aware of the risks.

I’m a big dreamer. I don’t know where my dreams start and end and when I cross the line of illusions and delusions. I will hold on to my heart and create tranquil moments to hear it speaks the truth. I hope I listen and follow.

[1: 2,077 of 10,000] Different People, Different Magic

There are moments when I get a little obsessed about a person’s wisdom that I soak in what they give. One of the ways that I extract learnings is by watching their interviews and who is interviewing them.

People who ask questions and reflect on the answers can dramatically uplift a conversation. Different interviewers extract different stories from the same person. Isn’t that fascinating? It’s because people, based on their personal experience, will pick up nuances that they’re tickled or familiar with.

Similarly, different authors will write different twists on a story about a universal topic like love, hate, peace, etc. So, you see, your unique perspective and attitude matter in the world to people who will resonate and disagree with you. You’re a living art, breathing, experiencing, accumulating, and transcending.

[1: 2,074 of 10,000] Making Sense With Life

Photo credit: Jill Heyer on Unsplash

I try to make sense of what life is all about.

Part of the ingredients is creation (I hope lots of it, coming from dreams), death and rebirth, and transformation.

Then add the element of time which is how transformation unfolds. It could be immediate, it could take days or years, or a lifetime.

I am now one of those people who didn’t want certain food when I was younger like nata de coco (coconut gel) when added to a fruit salad, I detested and avoided it. Today, I appreciate the chewy texture and the subtle coconut flavor. As time and experience are gained, I’ve grown and my preference changed and it will keep on changing.

Now mix the variety of people I come across that stayed for a short while, others longer time, and those I am still going to meet. People bring color, stir up emotion, and make me come even more alive as I formulate expressions to relate to and learn from one another.

Finally, the mystery, a sense of magic because of an evolving love. It’s wild, undefined, unbound, and absolutely satisfying may not be in the current moment but looking back every mystery was worth it.

[1: 2,063 of 10,000] Pissed At Steve Carell Playing Mitch Kessler

Last weekend I watched the first season of The Morning Show and Steve Carell played the character Mitch Kessler and I’m so pissed at him. My mind couldn’t separate the actor from the character, he played it so well my blood is boiling that I hated him. It’s a serious sign that I have my own sexual trauma and it’s coming out of the surface. He wasn’t aware that he caused torment to different women in the workplace.

I can totally relate to the women who preferred to freeze and silent themselves because we were never trained how to react when men has advancement that is outright offensive and wrong. I can remember being harassed and I didn’t know how to react. I’ve experienced strangers inappropriately brushing their hand inappropriately and I’m shocked, run away and cried, in one incident it even happened inside a church during a vacation in Jordan. Previous colleagues suggesting to go into relationship with them despite the common knowledge that they’re married. I know that there are still a lot of decent men out there but it doesn’t change the fact too that there are who are blatantly indecent.

Girls and ladies, as Dr. Shefali wrote on the book A Radical Awakening, “The tragedy isn’t just that these men did what they did to a defenseless young girl, as males do to millions of females around the globe. The real tragedy is that our mothers, aunts, and female teachers don’t tell us how to prepare for it. No one told me that I was prey. By being aware of this, you won’t be caught off guard. You will be vigilant, ever present. You will protect yourself as wisely as you can, knowing that even when you do so you will fall to unwanted advances. As soon as this happens, you are to call on your sisters or one of us. You are to reach out for help. You are to speak up and speak out against any abuse. There is no shame in being a victim of a predator. It is not your fault if this happens.”

No one deserves to be violated of their privacy and sacred space. We have to react to stop it, protect ourselves and speak out on the spot! As scary as it can be, let’s try our very best to not freeze and say we’re not condoning it.

[1: 2,061 of 10,000] Earth And Eather Collide

Photo Gratitude: Simone Pellegrini, Unsplash.com

Awakening to a bigger consciousness than my current miniature lifetime is making me fly so high. I lost my fears of conforming to what is culturally accepted, including beliefs I’ve been raised to; instead, I’m questioning everything. I’ve learned to pause and push, the intensity of polar opposites only to return to fireworks that trickle down to peace and inspired creation. I’m trying to ground my thoughts, or is this what it’s all about? I’ve changed.

It’s time to answer the call for new ways of being. I can’t go back to living like a zombie, ignoring a tug inside me to love everyone… EVERYONE. My mind trained in individuality is holding on to establish its boundary, yet my Soul is breaking my heart open and asking me to see everyone, REALLY SEE EVERYONE. I imagine a mirror out whenever I interact with anyone and remember that whatever I do to someone, I do to me; if we always remember this, we’ll be a kinder and compassionate world.

[1: 2,060 of 10,000] Brutal Honesty

Photo credit: Sharon McCutcheon

I’m reaching the old age of brutal honesty. The desire of not going in for a small talk but drive right in with what our soul is longing to discuss, real experience that truly matters to us, no lies, no fake-ness. I do worry a little that when I show up brash that I’ll be seen as a lunatic, impolite, out of this world.

I am conscious that whenever I enter into a conversation that I remain honest, I will never say I want this if I don’t or that’s gorgeous if it’s not, but I’m torn on the part to say it’s not my taste because I don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings. I was in that situation several times and I’ve felt people got bruised and I do kind of question the lines, “If you have nothing nice to say, be silent” and then I would rather go to the lane of “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. I’m finding the balance of saying what’s my feelings but in a compassionate delivery because after all we are in our own journey. What I see useless and reckless is a journey that someone needs to discover of their own and it’s not like I got life figured out.

Where is this all coming from? I got triggered that I’m foreseen as weak when I was practicing my sage-ness, and I need to look at myself and my dichotomy to the existence of others who I am choosing to be part of my life. It was such a clear revelation that I’m freeing myself from any form of attachment because I would always choose myself, what makes me whole and the world will align to my vibration. It’s really fascinating to witness it play.

One thing I’m sure of though, I’m quite peaceful to where I am. I don’t have the drama that most of my age worry about. I’m grateful for that and I also have the inner knowing that it’s because I am meant to do more than I can imagine, to make new adventure to happen, new way of thinking and operating in this rebirthing world.

[1: 2,054 of 10,000] If The Beatles Becomes Jack Malik

Photo Source: Yesterday – Universal

I’ve watched Yesterday and there are two striking moments that I enjoyed about the story.

The premise was Jack Malik seemed to be the only person who knew about The Beatles after a freak worldwide blackout. Spoiler alert coming! A big reveal suddenly showed there are two other people who still remembered The Beatles and they’ve confronted Jack that they knew who is he copying from. He was so scared that they will get him arrested for claiming the genius of The Beatles only for them to say, “Well, we just wanted to say thank you, that’s all. We three seem to be the only ones who remember, and we can’t sing, so we just wanted to say, thanks very much. It’s just lovely to hear the songs. A world without The Beatles is a world that’s infinitely worse. Use it well.”

It was a beautiful surprise, it wasn’t accusative, but simply opening a space for appreciation by people who remember what’s true. The fame, money and influence weren’t the aim, but the embracing the pureness and be in awe of the art. I remembered in college, someone from another university copied my original poem and published it in their literary folio, and when I saw it, I just chuckled, flattered, and now I have a new appreciation that I hope someone got inspired reading the words. The world needs generosity, yes it is still right to give credit to whom it’s due, but there’s more if an art is freely shared because it’s an expression of our Soul.

The movie ends with Jack living a simple life with the love of his life and their two children. He was honest of himself that his genius isn’t about claiming the work of others but being true to who he is. I myself do love the comfortable life, I’m scared of starting over to pursue a creative career, I question if will I strongly and forever connect and co-create with my muse so the work that will be produced through me matters to awaken my fellow beings, and yet I know if I don’t live that in this lifetime then I’m depriving my Spirit to freely express its most authentic Self.

[1: 2,052 of 10,000] My 2021 Minimalism Project

I pose myself a challenge to embrace a sense of minimalism in 2021.

Ground rules:

• Declutter my belongings by giving it away or cleaning up and saying good bye for good.
• I also take another step that I won’t be purchasing any material things for myself except the consumable necessities like toiletry and food. Instead, I’ll book or buy myself experience like getting a new hair color, a massage, or a hypnosis session.

How am I doing so far with two months almost closing in?

• I was able to clean my closet and other home items that I gave away to someone who may benefit from it.
• I’ve clean up some of my scrap books but I know I can do better for this and I’ll schedule that in April.
• I also need to revisit my journals, notebooks and notes whether to type it out or throw since I’ve outgrown the ideas I’ve captured or moving forward I have to be a more organized creator.
• I can do better for our household supplies, to edit and then store nicely.
• I wasn’t able to stop myself to purchase two new books and two new blouses but for some lucky turn of events, I’ve won a cash prize that would right off the cost. I’ve given away books and clothes so the new stuff did find a place in my library and closet.

What changed in me in this project?

• I have a habit of buying items on a spur of the moment, that’s out of my therapy.
• Since there is a global pandemic and I don’t plan to travel, I am more comfortable that I don’t need to create looks.
• I did notice that I am giving more care to the clothes that I have because I know they’re all I’ve got and I’m grateful that I own the things that gives me joy or fits me.
• I feel much calmer that our home is even less heavier and it’s giving me a great breathing space. The items I have becomes more intentional and sacred that delight me.
• I feel accomplished and proud of myself that I am going to save more by the end of the year to fund my passion project and I save time from shopping material things and instead devote time to learning and writing.
• The environment must approved that I’m not accumulating things but I’m enriching my soul with the experience that I focus instead.

It’s ten more months and it feels nice challenging myself to shift my mind and stop my usual go-to materialistic nature. I have nothing to prove to myself but the feeling of gratification that I love the comfort that my home brings me and I’m grateful to the life that I co-create with the Universe.

Photo credit: Samantha Gades on Unsplash

[1: 2,050 of 10,000] Making Mundane Sacred

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

I have several household chores that I dread to do. I’ve noticed though that when I’m well rested, they are not dreadful at all. There used to be one though, washing the dishes. I don’t have automatic dishwasher, never experienced having one, and after some acceptance and facing my demons I’ve made it a sacred act.

If you’re wondering how the hell can washing dishes subject me to face my shadows. There was one time that I did the dishes and I was criticized by my mother that I didn’t do a good job. If I took it as a constructive criticism, it would have been over because I did miss a spot not because I was sloppy but I really didn’t pay attention. It was an honest mistake and it hurt my feelings. There were a period that I avoided washing dishes fretting, “What’s the point, am not good at doing it anyway.”

Eventually, our home was reduced to two people, so this time around, I have no excuse not to wash dishes, especially that my housemate (youngest sibling) don’t like to clean cook wares and loves baking (let that sink in, baking means using different measurement cups and spoons and a whole lot of things). This time, the anxiety that I built up is feeling obliged and dragged to keep our sink clean, which means empty from dirty dishes. There are moments that the pressure I give myself makes me bring out my ugly side, procrastination (dreading to finish a task), losing sleep, and feeling disappointed of myself. I know right, the simple task of dishwashing can arouse all these emotions.

Washing dishes may be a mundane or ordinary to anyone else, but it was my teacher. Then I came across the notion of what my hands touch and work on is sacred. It changes everything because it invites me to enjoy the whole process. It calls me to remember my strength and what I’m grateful for. I am a very organized person, and I love how I categorized glasses and utensils like a marching band putting a show. I delight to the bubbles that I create, the satisfaction when I removed a grease successfully (thanks to Fairy dishwashing liquid, not sponsored), and the best part is allowing the flow of water wash away the food that was shared with love, laughters and reverence.

P.S. I don’t stress out if there are days that I don’t clean the dishes right away. It was never a point where it smells and create an atomic disaster, but I know when I’m doing the dishes, it’s a sacred space for moments to marvel that I’ve grown as a human being.